Mama, Where's My Penis?
by IceQueenRia
Summary: He asked the question calmly all things considered, but when two men addressed him as 'Rachel', Noah Puckerman freaked out. As for Rachel, her distress was mostly over losing her singing voice. But where does Kurt fit in to all this? Eventual PucKurt.
1. Being Jewish Sucks

**Disclaimer – I do not own Glee**

**Mama, Where's My Penis?**

**Summary: He asked the question quite calmly all things considered, but when two men looked at him concernedly and addressed him as 'Rachel', Noah Puckerman freaked out. As for Rachel, her distress was mostly over losing her singing voice. But where does Kurt fit in to all this?**

**XXX**

**This will ultimately be a Puck/Kurt story, in a romantic/sexual sense. If homosexual material bothers you or you don't like Puck/Kurt as a pairing this story clearly won't be to your taste and you should leave now. **

**There will be a lot of Rachel featured in this story as well.**

**Genres = Romance/Friendship/Supernatural/Humour/Angst**

**XXX**

**Chapter 1-Being Jewish Sucks:**

It was just an ordinary Saturday night for Noah Puckerman. He had feasted on chips and a salsa flavoured dip rather than consume a proper cooked meal before trying to convince Lauren to get back with him. After having his pride and dignity wrestled to the ground of her front lawn, he had stumbled away before heading to Santana's with the hope of proving he was still a sex shark. However, it seemed that Santana was fully committed to lesbianism these days and her only form of comfort was to offer him a bottle of Jack Daniels and advise him to 'man up'.

For a good hour and a half, Puck had stood outside the Seven Eleven looking depressed, the near empty bottle of Jack hanging loosely in his hand. He had briefly taken a detour to the dark alleyway where he received a blow-job from a nerdy male who looked to be in his late twenties. Again, nothing particularly out of the ordinary as far as Puck was concerned. In his mind, a blow-job was a blow-job no matter who it came from. However, when the nerdy guy expressed desires for something more, Puck had to bail before he crossed some kind of line and stepped into the gay section.

Leaving the man in the alleyway, Puck leaned up against the wall and focused on looking depressed again. Eventually, an older woman took pity on him and bought him some alcohol before inviting him into her car. With some old eighties music playing from the car stereo, Puck had followed the woman, who introduced herself as Alyson, into the back seat of the car. The gold wedding band on Alyson's finger clearly indicated that she was married, not that Puck really cared. Doing the nasty with the married woman gave Puck a much needed ego-boost and he was able to swagger on home with a satisfied smirk on his lips, fully confident in his sex appeal once again.

Heading upstairs to his bedroom, he loaded up his T.V and Xbox before engaging himself in a serious gaming session. Part way through a game, a peculiar feeling swept through him. His gaze flickered to his alarm clock and he noted that it had just turned midnight before he released a huge yawn. His eyelids were drooping shut and his head felt heavy. Unable to hold himself up, Puck fell back against the mattress, his head missing the pillows by a few inches. Mouth hanging open and his Xbox control pad still in his hand, Puck's mind became lost in an intensely deep sleep.

XXX

Over in the Berry household, husbands Hiram and Leroy checked in on their daughter. Snuggled up in bed and cuddling up to a teddy-bear, Rachel looked relaxed and peaceful as she let out a series of snores that slightly resembled some Broadway tune. Quietly closing Rachel's bedroom door back up, the two men made their way to their own bedroom for the night.

Just as they settled peacefully under the covers of their own bed, down the hall from them, Rachel stirred fitfully in her sleep, her body contorting in all manner of uncomfortable angles. Pained whines slipped from her lips as she tossed and turned at a violent pace, her limbs getting tangled in the bed sheets. Although she did not fully wake, her eyes did flutter open from time to time, her subconscious mind struggling to process as her own familiar ceiling shifted into one she did not recognise. The fluttering of her eyelids ceased, as did her frantic movement. Her body ached all over and she lacked the energy to move as she plunged deep into the depths of slumber once more.

XXX

On Sunday morning, Puck woke up far too early for his liking. Stomach down and eyes still closed, he let out a dissatisfied groan and flipped his pillow over to rest his cheek on the cooler side. Stretching his legs out, Puck willed his mind to go back to sleep, but the twittering birds outside his window seemed to be against his decision to gain more rest. Giving up on sleep, Puck rolled onto his back and rubbed a hand over his face. Still feeling a little groggy, he stumbled out of bed. He had just stepped out of his bedroom and into the hallway when he froze on the spot, something nudging at the back of his mind telling him that something was very wrong.

Looking down at himself, mind not quite registering that it was odd for him to be wearing a nightgown, he found that the floor seemed closer than it usually did, as if he'd shrunk during the night. His mind was just cluing him in to the fact that the carpet he was standing on was not from his own house when he heard a door open and close, followed by the sound of footsteps.

Reaching his hand down to cup himself between the legs, his face morphed into an expression of deep confusion and disappointment.

"Mama, where's my penis?" Puck asked, his tone and demeanour strangely calm considering the situation.

Not hearing his mother reply, Puck dropped his hand from his crotch and looked up to find two men staring at him with expressions of deep concern.

"Rachel?" One of the men asked looking at Puck. "Are you feeling ok?" A hand reached out to rest on Puck's forehead.

Eyes widening upon being addressed as 'Rachel', Puck pressed his hand between his legs again, hoping that he'd feel his much beloved bulge back in its rightful place. He whimpered slightly when his experienced fingers teased the lips of what could only be a vagina. Moving his hands up, he cupped the small mounds on his chest and for the first time ever he found the act of touching boobs to be disturbing. His hands then flew up to his head. Instead of his treasured mohawk, he felt a growth of hair all over his scalp and he followed it down to feel a long braid tied at the back.

"Rachel, sweetie, what's wrong?" The other man asked.

"I'm a girl!" Puck screamed before running back into Rachel's bedroom and slamming the door shut.

Outside in the hallway, Leroy and Hiram looked to one another.

"Period." They said in unison before shrugging their shoulders and heading downstairs.

Inside Rachel's bedroom, Puck was freaking out as he examined his reflection in the mirror only to find the face of Rachel Berry staring back at him.

"This sucks." Puck mumbled to himself. "This has to be some weird hangover or something." He tried to reason as he threw himself back onto the bed and hid under the covers. "This isn't real. Either I'm really drunk or I'm totally high because there is no way in Hell that I'm stuck in a chick's body. I just need to sober up and then I'll be back in my own hot body with Puckzilla standing up proudly for a good morning jack-off."

He closed his eyes tight and even held his breath to the point where he almost passed out. However, when he kicked the covers off of himself he was still in Rachel's bed, still in Rachel's room and still trapped in her body.

"God?" Puck asked staring up at the ceiling. "Jesus? Satan? Spider Man? Pink Power Ranger? I promise, if you just help me get my dick back, I'll use protection all the time and I'll only sleep with chick that are really, really, really hot. Deal?" He asked hopefully.

Shutting his eyes again, he blindly reached a hand down himself, but it was still Rachel's body he was feeling up rather than his own.

"Fuck, this is real." Puck swore before freaking out a little more.

XXX

Meanwhile, Rachel Berry was trapped in Puck's body and sobbing hysterically as Puck's mother and sister stared at him curiously.

"Can I slap him?" Puck's sister, Melanie, asked hopefully.

"Go and clean your teeth Mel." Puck's mother, Nora, answered. "Noah, can you hear me?" She questioned studying her son carefully.

Rachel shook her head frantically at the woman's words and babbled incoherently. She clutched at Puck's mohawk in severe distress before holding her throat, trying to signal to the woman her intense devastation over losing her singing voice.

"Noah Puckerman," Nora said interrupting Rachel's unintelligible babbling, "If I find out that you're on drugs I'll be giving you a second circumcision. Then a third. Then a fourth." She threatened waiting for a reaction from her son but he seemed unbothered by the threat to his manhood and more distressed over something else.

"Can I slap him now?" Mel asked as the twelve year old returned to her brother's bedroom where Rachel Berry was crying in the guise of her muscular mohawked and very male team mate.

"No." Nora responded before striking her son's face herself.

The slap startled Rachel enough to put a momentary pause to her cries. Tears still clinging from eyelashes that were not her own, Rachel stood on shaky legs and took a series of deep breaths trying to regain her composure.

"If you'll excuse me I need to make a phone call." Rachel said, wincing a little as she heard Puck's voice sound out the words she had uttered.

"We'll talk later." Nora said fixing Rachel with a stern expression before leading her daughter out of the room.

Closing the bedroom door after the two Puckerman women had stepped out, Rachel hunted the room in search of Puck's cell phone. She wrinkled her nose in disgust when she accidentally stumbled across Puck's stash of porn mags. Picking up one of Puck's jackets off the floor, Rachel looked through the pockets and found his wallet. Being nosy, she looked through it and found that it contained a five dollar note, a condom and a photo of Beth. Setting the wallet aside, she searched the pockets of Puck's dirty jeans and found the boy's phone.

Scrolling through the contact details, she looked for her own name but was unable to find the name 'Rachel'. Scrolling back up, she decided that her number must be the one Puck had labelled as 'Barbara'. Pressing the appropriate button, she held the phone to her ear and fidgeted nervously as she waited for an answer. It rang for a long while and she was just about to give up when she heard her own voice on the other end of the line.

"Noah?" Rachel asked. "Are you in my body?" She whispered the question, glancing around the room suspiciously as though expecting to find Jacob Ben Israel eavesdropping.

"Yeah," Puck answered, "and so far I don't like it. What the hell happened to us?"

"I'm not confident that I can provide an accurate explanation." Rachel replied. "All I know is that I woke up like this. We have to find a way to fix it, as soon as possible or I won't be able to perform a spectacular solo at Regionals."

"Screw Regionals," Puck retorted, "I want my freaking penis back."

"Maybe we should go to the hospital." Rachel suggested.

"No way, they'll think we're crazy." Puck pointed out.

"Do you have a better idea?" Rachel enquired.

"I dunno, I'm still kinda hoping I'll just wake up and find this isn't real." Puck told her.

"Perhaps this is a Jewish thing." Rachel offered with little conviction. "Maybe every Jew has an unexplained experience like this during their teenage years. It could be this huge Jewish secret that only the adults know and they're forbidden from discussing it in front of children and teenagers until they've experienced the situation themselves."

"Huh, if that's true then being Jewish sucks." Puck commented bitterly. "Fuck, your dads are calling me." He swore. "Look, just try and stay calm. Don't say anything to anyone about this. I'll see you at school tomorrow and if we're still in each other's bodies we'll sort this out then."

"Wait, Noah." Rachel said but Puck had already hung up on her. "Ok, I can get through this." She told herself bracingly. "I'll just treat it as an acting exercise. Then tomorrow I'll see Noah and together we'll sort this little mix-up out. Everything will be fine. I'm only stuck inside the body of a male teenage boy after all. What's the worst that could happen?"

**So… worth continuing?**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	2. Dude in a Dress

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, I just like to play**

**Thank you for such a positive response to the first chapter =D**

**Chapter 2-Dude in a Dress:**

On Monday morning, Puck woke up and instantly slipped his hand down between his legs. To his utter dismay, he once again came into contact with Rachel Berry's vagina instead of his own cock.

"Fuck." He swore as he looked at himself in the mirror, seeing Rachel's face rather than his own.

For a few moments, he felt like crying. That feeling quickly disappeared and instead he felt like hitting something or throwing things. As he glared at all the girly possessions that filled Rachel's bedroom, Puck had to work very hard to control his anger and not damage anything. He knew it wasn't Rachel's fault that they were in such a weird situation and destroying her things wouldn't be any help to either of them.

Cracking his knuckles in agitation and taking a deep breath so as not to roar in outrage, he made his way downstairs to the kitchen. Rachel's dads were already up, feeding one another breakfast as they sang along to the radio. Puck pulled a face as he watched the two of them thinking that they were even more sickly sweet than when Finn and Rachel made out after performing a duet.

"Good morning baby Berry." Leroy greeted smiling widely at the teenage boy inhabiting his daughter's body.

"Yeah, whatever," Puck replied distractedly as he looked through the kitchen cupboards, "dude, do we have any waffles?"

"The name is dad," Leroy responded pointedly, "and I thought you didn't like waffles."

"I changed my mind." Puck shrugged keeping his eyes down.

"I can buy some waffles when I pick up the groceries tonight," Hiram said, "but for now there are pop-tarts behind the peanut-butter. Strawberry flavour. Your favourite."

"I hate strawberry." Puck muttered under his breath. "I'll just have toast." He said at a louder volume.

He kept his eyes down as he looked for the bread then slotted it into the toaster. He could feel the two Berry men shooting him strange looks and it made him feel extremely uncomfortable. He tried to act natural but it was no easy task, especially since he was currently in such an _un_-natural circumstance. Puck was certain that his attempts to pretend to be Rachel were abysmal and he kept fidgeting nervously, expecting one of the girl's dads to figure out what was wrong and drag him to the nearest Synagogue and present him to Rabbi Greenberg for whatever the Jewish version of 'the exorcist' was.

After finding the cutlery drawer and buttering his toast, Puck heaved himself up onto the counter top and sat with his legs open as he munched on his breakfast. It was how he always sat eating breakfast at home, but feeling the two adults stare reminded him that he was supposed to be Rachel. He hopped down off the counter, blushing a little as he realised he'd probably flashed Rachel's lady parts to her two gay dads. Sitting down at the table, Puck felt incredibly awkward and thought maybe it was best to keep his head down and just stay quiet.

"Rachel, sweetie, is everything ok?" Hiram asked and Puck lifted his eyes briefly to see the two concerned fathers looking at him like they thought he belonged on a psych ward.

"I'm fine." Puck shrugged.

"Are you sure?" Leroy pressed. "You're awfully quiet this morning."

"Oh yeah… um…" Puck trailed off, struggling to think of an excuse. He should have known that staying quiet was a foolish idea. He was supposed to be Rachel Berry and that girl never shut her mouth.

"Maybe she's sick." Hiram suggested to Leroy. "Should we take her to the doctor?"

"It could be boy trouble," Leroy replied, "is she still dating Finn at the moment? I can never keep up with their relationship status."

"Or maybe its performance anxiety," Hiram mused, "all those solos in Glee Club may be getting too much for her."

"Impossible," Leroy scoffed, "Rachel was born to perform."

"Maybe she isn't getting _enough_ solos," Hiram said, "and she's often complained that her team mates don't fully appreciate her talent. Maybe they aren't giving her the applause and praise she deserves. We should complain to that Mr. Schuster. And burn those ridiculous sweater vests of his as an act of human kindness."

"I'm fine," Puck spoke up as he finished off his toast, "I just didn't sleep well. Um… I'm gonna get ready for school."

"It must be a really heavy period this month." Puck heard Leroy say as he took the stairs two at a time.

Entering the bathroom, Puck moved to the sink and splashed his face with cold water. Lifting his head to look in the mirror, he found he had to go on his tiptoes just to see all of Rachel's face. The night before, he had managed to find a pink toothbrush and assumed that it was Rachel's. He cleaned his teeth before returning to Rachel's bedroom to get dressed.

Looking through her underwear drawer, he was disappointed to find that she only had boring panties that looked like something only a toddler or an old lady with cobwebs clouding her vagina would wear.

"Damn, could she be any more of a virgin?" Puck asked before deciding a pair of white cotton panties would have to do.

He found a white bra to match and took several minutes putting it on, discovering that it was a lot trickier to put on a bra than remove one. He briefly considered going braless as he had the day before but Rachel would be mortified if Puck strutted around school with stiff nipples while in her body.

Looking through Rachel's wardrobe, Puck immediately decided that he would not be wearing any of those ridiculous animal sweaters. He quickly realised that Rachel didn't own many pairs of jeans or trousers and that most of her wardrobe consisted of mini-skirts.

Puck was looking through all of Rachel's skirts when a short red dress caught his eye. He pulled it off the rack and held it against his borrowed body.

"I could make her look smoking in this." He said to himself before pulling the dress on. "Not bad," he said approvingly looking in the mirror and admiring the way the material fit on Rachel's body, "I always knew I could wear a dress to school and make it cool."

He cupped his hands to Rachel's breasts and frowned a little bit thinking that they could be bigger. Heading to the bathroom, he grabbed two handfuls of tissue and stuffed his bra, nodding in satisfaction as he successfully made the girl's bosom look more appealing. Moving back to Rachel's bedroom, he picked up her hairbrush and got to work on her hair. Doing Rachel's hair was no problem for him. He was used to styling his sister's hair so combing out Rachel's dark locks wasn't an issue. However, he wasn't so confident about make-up. He knew that Rachel never wore much of the stuff but he was a little curious about putting it on.

Finding out Rachel's make-up set, Puck looked at the different items, trying to figure out what went where. He started with eyeliner and the feel of the pencil made his eyes water. Determined not to give up, he carried on until both eyes had a dark line on the bottom, similar to how Tina used to do hers during her gothic stage. Next, Puck picked up a tube of mascara. He accidentally poked himself in the eye with it and let out a hiss as he rubbed his eye, smudging the black down his face.

"Shit." He swore before spitting on his fingers and trying to wipe it away. "Whatever, I don't care about this anymore." Puck commented before reaching for a moist towelette and scrubbing the mascara off.

He then looked at Rachel's selection of eye-shadows wearily before opting to skip them. He tested out some blusher on one cheek before deciding it looked ridiculous and then wiping it off. Looking through all of Rachel's lipsticks and glosses, Puck picked out a bright red lip-gloss to match the red dress and applied it to his lips.

"I'd fuck me." Puck told himself looking in the mirror before returning to Rachel's wardrobe to pick out a pair of shoes.

He tried on a few pairs of heels and stumbled around in them before going with a safe ballet-flats option. Grabbing Rachel's school bag, Puck headed downstairs and realised he didn't know how Rachel got to school each day. Before he could think on it for too long, there was a knock at the front door. Answering it, Puck found Finn standing on the doorstep with a goofy grin on his face and seeming taller than ever before.

"Hey." Finn greeted leaning down and Puck panicked as he realised the other boy was planning to steal a kiss.

Not knowing what else to do, Puck slammed the front door shut in Finn's face. Taking slow breaths, he tried to calm himself down. Finn was knocking on the door again but Puck wasn't yet ready to answer.

"Rachel, I think maybe you should stay home from school today." Hiram said.

Puck was almost tempted to agree just so he wouldn't have to deal with Finn, but he knew he needed to meet up with the real Rachel so that they could try and get this thing sorted.

"It's ok dude, I mean dad, I'm good. Um, later." Puck said lamely before opening the door to find Finn still standing there with a dumb look on his face. "Hey Finn, I'm ready for school now."

"Um, cool," Finn replied, "Kurt's driving." He said and Puck looked past Finn to see Kurt sitting in the driver's seat of his sweet-assed car.

"Right, whatever." Puck responded not knowing what to say.

He moved past Finn and walked out to the car. He deliberated for a few seconds before climbing into the backseat, Finn joining him.

"Rachel, fabulous dress," Kurt commented sounding impressed, "I thoroughly approve."

"Thanks." Puck replied feeling good about himself and thinking maybe the whole 'being a girl' thing wouldn't be so hard.

They drove to school and as far as Puck could tell, neither Finn nor Kurt had sensed that anything was wrong. Jumping out of the car, Puck was fully prepared to head off and find Rachel but Finn stepped up beside him and took hold of his hand. Puck groaned a little, finding Finn's hand to be awfully sweaty.

As the three of them walked up the school steps together and made their way through the corridors of McKinley, Puck scanned the sea of faces for any sign of Rachel. After watching a girl who slightly resembled Rachel walk by he remembered that he was really supposed to be looking for himself.

"Huh?" Puck turned to Kurt with a clueless expression when he realised he'd just been asked a question of some kind.

Before Kurt could repeat whatever he'd said, a jeering voice met their ears before a slushie was thrown their way, most of it hitting Finn but a little of it splashing Kurt and the smallest of drops landing on Puck's shoulder.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Puck snapped angrily stepping forward and shoving the hockey player, Rick, in the chest.

"Haha, are you Glee boys so gay you need a little girl to defend you?" Rick taunted. "That's cute."

"I'll show you cute." Puck retorted before ramming his fist into Rick's face.

Startled by the punch, Rick stumbled a little and Puck shoved him again causing him to fall over. From the floor, Rick looked up, his face a deep red as he clutched his chin, the assembled onlookers laughing at him having been hit by a girl. Scrambling to his feet, Rick hurried away.

"Yeah, you'd better run!" Puck called after him. "And I totally had sex with your mother!" He added as an afterthought earning himself a number of weird looks.

"I totally had sex with your mother?" Kurt repeated staring down at who he thought to be Rachel quizzically.

"Clearly I didn't think that comment through," Puck replied speaking slower than usual as he thought over his words before saying them, hoping to sound more like Rachel, "I just wanted to sound a little more… badass."

"Can somebody help me clean up now?" Finn asked as the cold sticky drink dripped from his face.

"Come on." Kurt sighed starting to lead Finn away before looking back to Puck expectantly. "Rachel, are you coming?"

"Oh right, I guess." Puck shrugged before following them into the girls' bathroom.

Kurt guided Finn to sit down on the chair that always seemed to be in the girls' bathroom before filling one of the sinks with a mixture of hot and cold water. He then looked to Puck and the still-Jewish-but-not-currently-male teen sensed that he ought to be helping. Shuffling forwards, he did his best to wash the slushie out of Finn's hair, mimicking what Rachel had done for him the first time he had taken a slushie to the face.

"If you can manage I'll leave you two." Kurt said before heading out the door.

Puck wanted to drag him back and have him sort Finn out but Kurt had already left. Avoiding eye-contact with Finn, Puck carried on with the task of washing the lanky teen's hair. Finn then yanked his t-shirt off over his head and though Puck had seen the other boy topless countless times in the locker room, seeing him half-nude now made him feel uncomfortable.

"Here," Puck said handing a wad of paper towels to Finn so he could wash himself, "I'll let you continue with that. I need to… um… pee," he announced before heading into one of the stalls.

Locking the door behind him, he decided that he really did need to pee. He lifted up the toilet seat then pushed his panties down and hitched his dress up. Legs apart, he stood over the toilet bowl, finding it a lot more difficult to aim his urine when it was shooting out of Rachel's vagina. Finishing off, he shook himself a little before pulling his panties back up. Returning to the main part of the bathroom, he washed his hands at the sink and sniggered slightly in amusement at the sight of Finn trying to wash his own back.

"Dude, you're such a moron," Puck commented.

"What?" Finn asked casting his 'girlfriend' a confused expression.

"Ah damn," Puck replied, "I mean… here, let me help you oh wonderful duet partner of mine," he said taking the paper towels from Finn and washing the slushie off of his back as fast as he could so he wouldn't have to touch him too much for too long. "There you go, all better," Puck smiled in what he hoped was a sweet fashion, "now if you'll excuse me I need to find Puck, he and I have urgent Jewish matters to discuss."

"Wait, let me walk with you." Finn called.

"Right, of course," Puck said forcing himself to smile, "because we're a couple and couples love to walk around school together hand in hand."

"Yeah, it's nice," Finn commented. "We're really lucky we get to do this," he said as he took hold of Puck's hand and held the bathroom door open for him.

"We're only holding hands," Puck responded, not sure what the big deal was.

"I know," Finn replied, "but it's something we can do without anybody staring at us or saying mean things. It's like you were saying the other day, we're lucky that we're allowed to show we love each other without worrying what other people think. It isn't like that for Santana and Brittany or for dudes like Kurt."

"You actually listen when Ra-," Puck cut himself off before saying 'Rachel', "when I talk?" he asked, impressed that Finn was able to pay attention to anything Rachel said when he usually just tuned the girl out.

"Sure, I totally listen to everything you say," Finn grinned.

"Huh, that's sorta cute," Puck said. "Hey, think you could let go of my hand now? It's just that it's the hand I use to hold a microphone and I don't want it damaged in any way, especially with Sectionals coming up."

"Regionals," Finn corrected, "we won Sectionals last week."

"Right Regionals, that's what I said." Puck lied. "We should get to class. I'm gonna throw my bag in my locker and then I'll be on my way to… um, what class do I have first?"

"Geometry," Finn answered, "hey Rachel, your lockers that way," he said pointing in the opposite direction.

"Oh yeah, I totally knew that." Puck said heading towards Rachel's locker. Of course he soon realised he didn't know the girl's locker combination. He could feel Finn watching him and tried his best to put on a smile and act as Rachel-like as possible as he made his way to Geometry but he was certain he was failing epically. "Damn, I really suck at being a chick."

"For once I agree with you, Man-hands." Santana remarked snidely as she came up behind Puck before sweeping in front of him into the classroom.

"Bitch." Puck muttered under his breath before following Santana inside and taking a seat near the back. He was searching through all the brightly coloured notebooks in Rachel's bag trying to find the one she used for Geometry when a flash of light snapped in front of his eyes. "Dude, what the fuck?" He demanded aggressively as he stood to his feet and glared at Jacob Ben Israel who was clutching his camera in his hands.

"My heart deems you as the hottest girl at McKinley and my penis agrees." Jacob stammered out in his squeaky voice.

"Hey," Puck snapped wrenching hold of Jacob's collar and glaring at him fiercely, "don't you dare talk to me about your penis when I haven't got one. Now give me your lunch money." He demanded and it seemed he still had his talent for intimidating people because Jacob hastily handed his money over. "Good, now get lost. Sit at the front with the rest of the nerds."

Arms crossed over her chest, Santana was staring at who she thought to be Rachel in utter confusion.

"Psst, Dwarf," Santana called and Puck turned his head to face the Latina, "what's up your ass today?"

"Brittany's dildo," Puck retorted with a smirk, silently congratulating himself when he saw Santana's angry expression at the remark.

"You can't get anything past me, Yentl," Santana said in an almost threatening tone, "I have a sixth sense for deceit and bull-shit. I know you're hiding something and I promise that I'm going to ridicule you mercilessly just as soon as I find out what it is."

Puck only chuckled in response. He knew Santana had a certain talent for sniffing out cheaters and liars, but there was no way she could ever come to the realisation that he was in fact Noah Puckerman rather than Rachel Berry. Although he kept feeling as though people would guess the truth just by looking at him, he knew that the chances of such a thing were highly unrealistic. The situation was so insane that he was struggling to believe it himself. He certainly wouldn't believe such a thing to be possible if he wasn't experiencing it himself.

"What?" He asked with an annoyed huff when he realised Santana was still staring at him with a sour look on her face. "You wanna lick my pussy or something?" He dared to ask. He knew Rachel wouldn't appreciate him making such a comment but the affronted look on Santana's face was totally worth it.

"Don't make me go all Lima Heights on you, Berry." Santana warned.

"Lima Heights, huh?" Puck asked. "Is that some kinky lesbian thing?"

In an instant, Santana was on her feet and yelling at him in Spanish.

"Miss Lopez, Miss Berry," the teacher chided, "settle down and pay attention."

"That bitch started it," Puck said gesturing to Santana and the rest of the class gaped in shock upon hearing a swearword leave Rachel Berry's mouth. "You know what, screw this," he said grabbing Rachel's bag as he stood up, "I really need to find… Puck."

"You're cheating on Finn." Santana cried out accusingly.

"I'm really not," Puck replied, "sorry babe, but you're not even close to guessing the truth." That said, he swaggered out of the classroom wondering where the real Rachel might be.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	3. Chick with a Dick

**Disclaimer-Yeah, I just don't own Glee, no need to rub it in**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone**

**By the way, this story doesn't strictly follow canon.**

**As you will find out, Shelby is in the story, as a teacher at McKinley**

**But Blaine isn't here (sorry Darren, I do love you)**

**And I'll be ignoring Mercedes' boyfriend but Sam will be in it**

**And well, you should be able to work things out as the fic progresses**

**Chapter 3-Chick with a Dick:**

Rachel Berry hated being trapped in the body of a teenage boy. The fact that it was Noah Puckerman's body made the situation even worse. That morning, she hadn't been able to find any acceptably clean underwear in the boy's bedroom and had been forced to go commando. With every stride she took, she could feel Puck's penis against her (technically his) thigh which only served to remind her of their current predicament, the syllable 'dic' being the operative word.

Then she had been left with no choice but to drive Puck's truck to school which had not been a pleasant experience. The vehicle was surely a death-trap and she had full intentions on taking the contraption to 'Hummel's Tyres and Lube' to get it fixed. Hopefully she'd still be able to get a discount. She was still dating Burt Hummel's step-son after all. Just because her boyfriend didn't realise she was currently sporting a penis didn't mean that they didn't still love one another.

Upon arriving to school, Rachel had hoped to find Puck as soon as possible but she just couldn't find her body among the rest of the student population. She was also receiving a handful of odd looks, probably due to the way she was walking. Feeling Puck's penis brushing between her (well his) thighs severely disturbed her. So Rachel walked with her legs slightly wider apart in the hopes that she wouldn't have to feel that particular appendage and be reminded by what it meant. Of course, she was making her way through the corridors looking as though she had soiled her jeans as a consequence.

"Oh Lauren," Rachel called out spotting the girl and catching up to her hoping to ask if she knew where Puck, in her body, was. "I was just wondering if…"

"No." Lauren interrupted before Rachel could finish her sentence. "We're over Puckerman, deal with it. Get out of my way now. Loser."

"So rude," Rachel commented to herself as she strode on in the opposite direction from the female wrestler, "I have no idea what Noah could have possibly seen in her."

"Oh Noah," a voice called and Rachel turned to look at her mother, "do you have a moment?" Shelby asked.

"Actually I was looking for… never mind," Rachel said distractedly following Shelby into her classroom, "are we going to perform a spontaneous duet?" she asked. "Because if we are I'd much prefer to do so in the auditorium; being on the stage always feels so much more dramatic."

"I'm not so sure it's appropriate for us to be singing duets," Shelby replied, "I'm not sure it's even a good idea for me to be speaking to you privately at all. I'm a teacher, I'm in a position of responsibility and you're my student."

"Shelby," Rachel interrupted quickly, "before you continue on to say something that I'm fairly confident I don't want to hear, perhaps you should move on to discuss whatever it was you wanted to talk about."

"I thought you might like to see these." Shelby said with a soft smile as she took something out of her desk drawer and handed it to Rachel.

"Oh, um, thank you." Rachel commented unsure how to react to the photographs of Puck and Quinn's baby girl. "She's really beautiful," Rachel commented honestly, "just like Quinn."

"That's what I thought when I first saw Beth in the hospital," Shelby agreed taking one of Rachel's (Puck's) hands in her own. "But now, the more I look at her, the more I see you."

"Um… Shelby." Rachel whispered nervously gesturing her head down to their conjoined hands where her birth mother was tracing her thumb over the back of what was really Puck's hand.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking to you like this," Shelby said stepping away and avoiding eye-contact, "you should go to class, Noah."

"I couldn't agree more." Rachel replied more than happy to escape being in a classroom with her mother who seemed to be hitting on her, or at least the body she was currently inhabiting. "When I'm back in my body my dads are most definitely going to have to pay for more therapy sessions."

Attending class, Rachel dropped into the seat beside Artie and let her forehead fall atop the desk. Apparently, this seemed to be the normal thing for Puck to do because not even the teacher questioned her behaviour. So Rachel spent the lesson with her head on the desk and her eyes tight shut feeling a painful headache coming on. It wasn't until the lessons end that her presence was acknowledged.

"Ok bro, who's the chick?" Artie asked.

"The chick?" Rachel repeated in confusion.

"Yeah, you know, the woman who's got you feeling down." Artie clarified.

"Oh, that would be me," Rachel answered and Artie shot her a puzzled expression that she paid no attention to, "I'm the chick. A chick with a dick." She said bitterly.

"Puck, do you need to talk?" Artie questioned looking incredibly concerned.

"Somehow I doubt talking will help solve my problem," Rachel replied, "I've always been prepared for many things to happen in my life but this whole situation was not one of them."

"What situation?" Artie asked but Rachel ignored the question.

"Usually in times of crisis I simply ask myself, 'what would Barbara do?' but in this incident my idol is failing to help me find a way through the problem at hand." Rachel said.

"Ok dude, maybe I should take you to the nurse." Artie suggested.

"No, I'm fine," Rachel responded before walking on.

"Hey Puck, you look hot today." Brittany commented when Rachel crossed paths with her on the floor above. "Do you wanna skip Spanish and make-out in the Janitor's closet with me and Santana? I promise I won't let her bite your Jewish dinosaur this time."

"Jewish dinosaur, really?" Rachel repeated with a roll of her eyes when her brain registered that Brittany had been referring to Puck's private parts.

"So, are you gonna make-out with me and Santana or not?" Brittany asked smiling sweetly.

"Brittany, I don't have time," Rachel groaned before storming away, "I have to find Noah."

"Who's he?" Brittany asked herself before shrugging and continuing on her way to meet her girlfriend.

XXX

Still unable to find Puck, Rachel continued on to what she thought to be the boy's next class. Sitting beside Quinn, she soon discovered that the blonde girl held a lot of anger and it seemed that Puck was the person she opted to express it all too. She carried on complaining about past events, blaming all of it onto other people, and most of it on to her, Rachel.

"You know, Quinn," Rachel interrupted unable to listen to any more of Quinn's complaints, "it isn't my fault… I mean, it isn't Rachel's fault that you cheated on Finn and didn't have the sense to even use contraception."

"You said 'trust me'," Quinn seethed, "and by trusting you I ended up pregnant. I was kicked off the Cheerio's, kicked out of my house, I lost my boyfriend, my reputation, my abs. I lost everything. And Rachel Berry was right there the entire time just making everything worse. She came along and stole Finn from me, twice."

"Correction, Finn broke up with you because you cheated," Rachel pointed out, "and whatever happens between me and… I mean between Rachel and Finn has nothing to do with what you went through. Rachel had absolutely no contribution to your pregnancy after all, as a girl she lacks the equipment to impregnate another female." _Or at least I used to _Rachel thought to herself.

"Of course, take her side," Quinn scoffed, "you always do. Just like everybody else. Nobody even likes Rachel, she's loud, bossy and annoying and tries to control everything yet at the end of the day everybody let's her get what she wants and they all stand by her like she's something special."

"You're special too, Quinn," Rachel replied trying to ignore the hurt she felt upon hearing the other girl's words about herself, "and everybody in Glee stands by you too. You're just too angry at the world to realise and appreciate it."

"I'm not angry at the world," Quinn snapped, "I'm angry at the people in it."

"May I offer you some advice?" Rachel asked gently.

"And what advice might that be?" Quinn asked derisively. "To crash a car and try to steal an ATM?"

"That comment was completely uncalled for," Rachel responded in Puck's defence, "there's really no reason for you to be so mean." Quinn shot her a mystified look and Rachel averted her eyes as she realised her words for very un-Puck-like. "Quinn," Rachel said softly, "babe," she added hoping to be more convincing, "I think maybe you should perform a number in Glee Club. Something to express how you're feeling."

"Why?" Quinn asked.

"Because it will help you deal with the emotions you're experiencing," Rachel answered, "and everyone in Glee will be there to listen to your pain and then help you work your way through it."

"And just how am I going to be able to sing a song when Rachel demands all the solos and throws a tantrum any time someone else dares to put a toe in the spotlight?" Quinn enquired.

"I'll talk to her," Rachel said, "she'll understand and she'll listen to me. We share a bond of sorts due to the fact we're both Jewish." The bell ring signalling the end of class. "In fact, I'll go find her now." Rachel said before setting off in search of Puck.

As she walked briskly down the halls, she spotted Kurt chatting with Mercedes and she waved to the pair enthusiastically.

"Good morning, Kurt, Mercedes, how are my two favourite Glee Clubbers today?" Rachel asked warmly. "Well, after Finn of course." She added before the smile slipped off her face when she caught their confused expressions. "Oh," she gasped realising that they saw her as 'Puck' and not as herself, "oops. Pretend this discussion never happened." She said hastily before walking on.

"Dude, did that just happen?" Mercedes asked Kurt cocking her head to the side.

"I'm not entirely sure." Kurt answered turning to watch 'Puck' walk away. "He seemed like he was…"

"Drunk?" Mercedes suggested but Kurt shook his head, "high?" she supplied.

"No, it seemed to me as though he was making fun of our fellow diva." Kurt said.

"Jerk." Mercedes sighed before linking arms with Kurt and leading him away.

XXX

"Finally." Rachel sighed in relief as she saw her own body coming down the stairs. "Where in Broadway have you been?" She demanded to know as she marched up to Puck. "I've been looking for you all day. We need to have a conversation of the serious and private variety as soon as possible." Grabbing her own wrist, Rachel dragged Puck behind her and pulled her into the empty choir room. "Now, have you considered any possible theories to explain what has happened with us?" She asked.

"I dunno." Puck shrugged before slumping down onto a seat with his legs stretched and white panties on display.

"Noah, close my legs," Rachel hissed at him and the boy rolled his currently female eyes and did as he was told, "I hope you haven't been sitting in such a vulgar manner all day."

"Don't lecture me about girl stuff now," Puck said, "let's just figure this shit out."

"Please refrain from swearing, I do not approve of such language." Rachel replied.

"Whatever, what do you think has happened?" Puck asked.

"I regret to say that I still have no idea," Rachel admitted, "All I can think of is my crazy Jewish theory."

"That's insane." Puck said.

"True," Rachel conceded, "but you've yet to think of anything better," she pointed out.

"You're the smartest out of us two, you explain it," Puck challenged, "and when you do, figure out how to reverse it."

"Noah, I can't work this out alone," Rachel told him, "I'm going to need your help. If we just put our heads together I'm sure we'll be able to solve this little problem."

"Little problem?" Puck repeated. "You'd better not be insulting the size of my junk. Puckzilla is huge, baby, definitely way bigger than your boyfriend's prematurely ejaculating thing."

"Your penis is lovely," Rachel assured him, "and I'm sure that Finn's is more than satisfactory."

"You mean you haven't played with Finn's little drumstick yet?" Puck asked and Rachel folded her arms across her muscular chest and looked away feeling uncomfortable. "Damn, why's he still dating you if you're not putting out?"

"Some relationships are based on deeper qualities than physical intimacy." Rachel replied defensively.

"Whatever, that's just something you virgin chicks say." Puck commented before reaching his hand between his legs and scratching at Rachel's vagina.

"Hey, don't touch me, Puckerman!" Rachel admonished whacking the boy round the back of what was really her own head. "I could report you for sexual molestation you know."

"Right, coz the cops would totally believe that I'm abusing your pussy while I'm trapped inside your body." Puck replied and Rachel frowned at him.

"Ok look, clearly we have no ideas about how to fix this… thing," she gestured between the two of them, "so for now we're simply going to have to continue through the day parading as one another. You will do your best to act as me for the rest of the day and I will do my best to behave like you."

"Then what?" Puck asked. "We just wait around and hope this shit fixes itself?"

"Please resist from swearing," Rachel told him pointedly, "and for now that seems to be all we can do. If I find any sensible alternatives that may help us I will let you know immediately."

"You're dealing with this way too calmly." Puck said.

"I really don't see how freaking out over the situation could possibly help." Rachel replied with a sad smile. "I'm so distressed I can't even attempt to sing about it with your less talented vocals. You know, it kind of sucks to be you." Rachel said from the doorway of the choir room, her words clearly intended as a joke to try and lighten the insane situation.

"Yeah, I know." Puck replied quietly. _I figured that out when my old man took off _he thought to himself.

With a sigh, he tucked Rachel's long hair behind his hopefully temporary ears and moved across the choir room to pick up his guitar. Strapping it round himself, he set his fingers over the strings, finding that his beloved instrument seemed so very different in his borrowed hands. Alone in the choir room, he took the opportunity to practice. Playing guitar was certainly a little more challenging when he had Rachel Berry's fingers. He could still play, but Rachel's hands were smaller than his own so her fingers couldn't stretch as far when he played different chords.

"Rachel?" A surprised voice asked and Puck paused to turn and look at Kurt. "I didn't know you played."

"Oh well, I'm a woman of many talents." Puck answered hoping his statement sounded somewhat Berry-like. "Probably because of the way my two gay dads raised me. Plus my mother's hot," he added before he could stop himself and Kurt of course threw him a questioning look, "or so the jocks at this school have told me." He added hastily.

"Boys," Kurt commented, "they really are such Neanderthals."

"I couldn't agree more." Puck replied setting his guitar down and silently congratulating himself for his response as he knew it to be the kind of thing Rachel would say.

"Well we ought to get to class," Kurt pointed out as he checked the time on the pocket-watch attached to his silk waistcoat. "Remember to meet me and Cedes by my baby after school."

"What?" Rachel asked.

"It's Monday," Kurt answered, "mall-day. We're going shopping, just like we do every week."

"Oh, of course. I can't wait." Puck lied and Kurt beamed at him before extending his arm expectantly. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Puck linked his arm with Kurt's and let the other boy lead him through the hallways. "I never realised how tall you really are." He commented looking up at the other boy from Rachel's short height.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	4. A Puckelberry Mash Up

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, or a penis, in case you wondered**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone**

**This chapter is the last of the initial body-swap set-up stage**

**Next chapter will shift more into the 'beginnings' of the romance aspect**

**Key word = 'beginnings'**

**Chapter 4-A Puckelberry Mash-Up:**

After school, Puck headed out to the parking lot and located Kurt's car. He stood by the vehicle waiting for Kurt and Mercedes to turn up but it was Rachel who approached him first.

"I presume you are already aware that Monday is mall-day with our fellow Glee-Clubbers, Kurt and Mercedes?" Rachel asked looking down at herself. _Am I really that short?_

"Yeah, Hummel told me earlier," Puck answered wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

"Ew," Rachel commented before taking her school bag from Puck and searching through it for a wet-wipe which she then used to wipe Puck's hand. "As you will be posing as me for an undeterminable amount of time I encourage you to act as feminine as possible." She winced as Puck picked her Barbara-like nose and flicked it in the air, clearly doing the action just to annoy her.

"So, what's the deal with this mall-day thing?" Puck asked. "Do I just follow Hummel and Aretha around or what?"

"Their names are Kurt and Mercedes and from now on you will refer to them as such," Rachel ordered and Puck rolled his eyes but gave a nod all the same. "A trip to the nail salon is likely," Rachel informed him, "a member of Mercedes' church choir works their so we can get discounts. Then there will be shopping for clothes, shoes, jewellery and make-up, all of which you'll have to try on first to ensure that it fits properly and that I'm able to sing in it. Mercedes and Kurt will be at hand to offer their opinion and tell you if you look cute or not. We usually end up heading to the ice-cream parlour to treat ourselves as well and ending the evening with a sleepover at one of our houses is always a possibility. So, just remember to call them by their names, be friendly and try to have fun ok."

"Fun?" Puck repeated. "Everything you just said sounds like a giant ball of suck. Can't we look at video games or women's lingerie or summat?"

"You're such a boy," Rachel stated obviously intending her words as an insult but Puck just shrugged. "While I'm here, is there anything I need to know about being you or anything I need to do today?"

"You can do my homework." Puck suggested.

"Hey Rachel," Finn interrupted joining them by Kurt's car and slipping his hand into Puck's who sent a terrified 'help me' look to Rachel. "What are you doing talking to him?" He asked.

"Science project, we're partners." Rachel answered promptly, remembering a similar interaction between herself, Finn and Quinn some time ago.

"Oh, cool." Finn replied believing the lie easily.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Rachel said taking a step towards Finn with the intention of kissing him before stopping herself and hurrying away. Luckily, Finn didn't notice anything peculiar.

"My mum and Burt are both working late tonight," Finn informed Puck, "you should come over, hang out."

"No way, dude," Puck responded, "I mean… I already have plans with Kurt and Mercedes. Monday is mall-day."

"I know, but maybe you could skip it just this once," Finn said pushing the dark strands of hair behind Puck's ear.

"Absolutely not," Puck answered, pleased with himself for not saying 'no frigging way'. "Mall-day is a tradition between Kurt, Mercedes and myself and it is a tradition I intend to keep. As my boyfriend you should respect… um, it," Puck finished off lamely unable to think of a fancy Rachel way to complete the sentence.

"Right, sure, totally." Finn answered with a little half-smile, reminding Puck of a little puppy dog that was eager to please his master.

"Oh look, here they come now," Puck said spying Kurt and Mercedes and using the excuse of waving to them to pull his hand out of Finn's freakishly large palm.

Joining them, Kurt unlocked his car and elegantly slipped into the driver's seat while Mercedes climbed into the passenger side, leaving Puck and Finn to sit in the back. With music blasting from the car stereo, Mercedes and Kurt gossiped about things that Puck had absolutely zero interest in. From the look on Finn's face, he didn't care about the conversation at hand either. Still, Puck decided feigning interest in what Kurt and Mercedes had to say was better than having to make any lovey-dovey talk with Rachel's boyfriend.

Before heading to the mall, they made a stop at the Hummel-Hudson residence to drop Finn off. Before exiting the car, Finn leaned in to Puck for a kiss. Upon seeing Finn's puckered lips getting dangerously close to him, Puck turned his head to the side so that Finn's mouth only caught his cheek. Finn pulled away looking disappointed but made no comment, and Kurt and Mercedes were too deep in their current discussion to even notice.

Then all too soon for Puck's liking, Kurt was pulling the car up into the parking lot of the mall. Puck would rather stay in the car or simply be anywhere else, preferably in his own body, but he knew he had little choice given the current circumstances. So he hopped out of the car, pulling his panties out of his ass and adjusting his dress as he did so, before following his two companions from store to store.

In the past, his experiences of being at the mall in female company had consisted of carrying numerous bags of shopping for his mum and sister or escorting Quinn around to buy maternity clothes. It seemed that shopping with Mercedes and Kurt was quite different as he was forced to be more actively involved.

Articles of clothing were thrown at him and he was guided into changing rooms to try on a variety of outfits that were then judged by the other two. He was then expected to offer his opinion when either Kurt or Mercedes emerged from a changing stall and paraded around in different outfits. As he was forced to try on different clothes and then a ridiculous amount of shoes that hurt his feet, Puck really struggled to understand why shopping was considered to be such a fun activity for girls and teen gays.

Things only got worse when he was dragged along to the nail salon and had to make polite conversation with the nail technician as he had Rachel's nails done. Normally, he'd love the opportunity to sweet talk a hot older woman, but that wasn't something he could do while in Rachel's body.

There were many moments where Puck gave serious consideration to the idea of just running away and hiding under his bed at home until his penis came back. But that kind of behaviour just wasn't at all badass. He may not have currently had his favourite and most definitely male appendage swinging between his legs, but Noah Puckerman was still a man. Clearly, some higher power had decided to put both Rachel and himself through this unique challenge and Puck was determined to face it like a real tough guy. Just because he was girlified up didn't mean he had to act like a crazy emotional chick. So Puck gritted his teeth and forced himself to power through the nightmare of a mall-trip.

Finally, the torture of shopping ended and Puck was led to the ice-cream parlour arm-in-arm with Kurt and Mercedes. They ordered their ice-cream and found a table in the back corner, setting their shopping bags down in a spare chair before Kurt and Mercedes dived into conversation, Puck only half-listening.

"Rachel, are you feeling ok?" Kurt asked gazing at Puck in concern.

"Sure," Puck answered sitting up straighter and hoping he didn't look as bored as he felt.

"Really?" Mercedes prompted. "You're hardly even talking, girl. Usually you've given me a headache by now but today you've barely said even one obnoxious word."

"I'm fine, honestly," Puck replied, "I'm just saving my voice so that I'll be on top form when it comes time for me to perform an emotional solo at Regionals," Puck improvised hoping his excuse would be convincing enough.

Judging by their facial expressions, Mercedes seemed to accept the story but Kurt clearly smelt the bull-shit. The other boy didn't press the matter, but he kept shooting Puck little looks that made him squirm in his seat. He fully expected that Kurt might interrogate him at a later time when Mercedes wasn't present.

XXX

Unsure what to do with her time, Rachel simply headed on to the Puckerman household. Sitting on the couch with Puck's sister, Melanie, the Jewish girl-turned-boy absentmindedly watched an old 'Friends' episode. Rachel wondered what she was missing on the mall trip and dearly hoped Puck was behaving to a satisfactory standard. Before becoming close friends with Kurt and Mercedes, Rachel hadn't really been one for shopping, probably because it had always been an activity she carried out alone. But with Kurt and Mercedes by her side, she learned to enjoy the experience and looked forward to spending time with the two of them every week. She didn't like the thought of those days being over forever. There just had to be a way to get her own body back.

"I'm hungry." Mel complained under her breath as she rubbed her lower belly.

"Then let me cook for you," Rachel replied, "it's the least I can do since you're permitting me to stay in your home."

"Huh?" Mel asked, her facial expression morphing into an image that strongly resembled her older brother.

"Nothing, never mind," Rachel said hastily realising her slip-up, "you're too young to understand. Now, what would you like to eat? I'm an excellent cook." She boasted.

"You're not even allowed to touch the oven," Mel responded, "not after last time."

"I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that," Rachel muttered more to herself than the younger girl, "look, you're hungry and so am I so let's just whip something delicious up in the kitchen."

"But mum says…" Mel began but Rachel cut her off.

"Never mind what your mum says, she doesn't have to know about this. It'll be our little secret." Rachel beamed before walking to the kitchen with a bounce in her step.

A confused Melanie followed after her, leaning against the doorway and staring in perplexed fascination as she watched her 'brother' try to find his way around the kitchen, humming to himself as he did so.

"Come on, you can be my kitchen partner," Rachel said bracingly taking hold of Mel's hand and pulling her into the kitchen. "Now, where might I find an apron?" She asked herself looking through some of the kitchen drawers. "Oh, kittens, how cute." Rachel gushed as she found the apron with the kitten designs over the pink material. "How does macaroni and cheese sound?" Rachel asked.

"Um, sure, whatever," Mel answered as she backed away out of the kitchen. "I'll let you take care of it. I'm just gonna go and do my homework or something because you're really freaking me out, Noah; even more than usual."

"Melanie, wait," Rachel called as the younger girl turned to leave. "There is no need for you to be even the least bit freaked out, ok? Everything is completely normal. I may seem a little weird or a little different to you at the moment, but I promise that everything is fine. I'm just… I'm really going through something right now; a big girl thing." Mel scrunched her face up looking absolutely baffled. "I mean a big _boy_ thing obviously. But the personal issues I'm dealing with are nothing for you to worry about and you mustn't tell anybody else. In fact, it would be best if you just pretended this conversation never even happened. Now, give your big brother a hug." Rachel requested holding her arms out to embrace the twelve year old.

"Eww, why?" Mel asked and Rachel's grin faltered before she dropped her arms down.

"Very well, no hug then." Rachel commented reaching a hand up to brush through her hair and frowning when she came into contact with Puck's mohawk.

"Mama should've dumped you in a mental institution." Mel mumbled as she walked away.

"I think that went well," Rachel mused to herself once Mel had disappeared upstairs. "I was totally convincing," she assured herself as she got to work on cooking the meal. "I should take advantage of this alone time to practice my first Tony Award Acceptance Speech."

XXX

The house phone rang and as Mrs. Puckerman wasn't home yet and Melanie was eating her dinner while watching T.V, Rachel felt obligated to answer it.

"Hello, Puckerman residence." Rachel stated as she held the phone to her ear.

"Noah," a familiar voice sighed in relief, "I'm sorry to call you, I know that I shouldn't."

"Shelby?" Rachel asked as she recognised her birth mother's voice, her stomach churning as she recalled the way the woman had acted towards her earlier that day. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Beth," Shelby replied sounding helpless and distraught.

"Is she ok?" Rachel quizzed, genuinely concerned for Puck's baby girl.

"She won't stop crying," Shelby answered, vulnerability oozing into her tone so intensely that Rachel couldn't help but sympathise. "I think she misses her daddy."

"Oh, well…" Rachel responded as she thought to herself _what would Noah Puckerman do? _"Maybe I could come over. I can watch over Beth for a while, perhaps give her a few singing lessons, and you can take a well deserved rest."

"Oh, Noah, no, I can't ask you to do that," Shelby said sounding torn, the sound of Beth's cries ringing in the background. "You shouldn't come, it isn't appropriate."

"Then why are you calling?" Rachel asked her.

"Ok," Shelby replied seeming to change her mind abruptly, "come over."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Rachel told her, "oh but one thing, could you just remind me of the address… great, thank you." After hearing the address from Shelby, Rachel hung up the phone then looked over to Puck's little sister, suddenly uncertain about whether she could leave the girl alone or not. "Mel, I have to go out and help a… friend," Rachel said.

"Right," Mel replied in a tone of disbelief, "help a friend," she repeated in a slow tone making air quotations with her fingers. "I'm old enough to know that means something rude you know."

"What? Rude, of course not. It's not rude at all." Rachel insisted. "And rude things are just not appropriate for young girls to ever do, especially Jewish girls. You should follow my example… I mean, my friend Rachel Berry's example, and wait until marriage before engaging in anything _rude_."

"Now you sound like Nana," Mel commented.

"Well, clearly our Nana is a wise lady and we would do well to listen to her words of wisdom. And remember, talent and success are more important than doing rude things with boys." Rachel said. "Anyway, I need to go out, but I don't feel it would be responsible of me to leave you home alone. Is there a friends house I can take you to or should I just bring you with me?"

"No need," Mel answered looking at the clock, "Mama will be home in like ten seconds."

Turning to look at the clock on the wall, Rachel watched the second hand tick. Sure enough, ten seconds later, Mrs Nora Puckerman strode through the front door cussing about her job. Satisfied that Mel wasn't being left home alone, Rachel headed on her way to Shelby's house in Puck's truck.

XXX

Approximately ten minutes later, Rachel was entering Shelby's house only to find that Beth had already settled down to sleep.

Another two or three minutes later, Rachel was shrieking and running out of the house after her birth mother had forced her lips upon her own.

"So, so wrong, so, so gross. Therapy, need therapy." Rachel chanted to herself on the drive back to the Puckerman's house, horribly disturbed by the evening's events. "Of all the teenage boys to be turned into why did it have to be the one that my mother has the hots for?"

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	5. Getting to Know You

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, but I do have chocolate**

**Thanks for reviewing**

**Chapter 5-Getting to Know You:**

Throughout his childhood, Puck had slept over at Finn's house many times. However, he'd never slept over at Finn's current house in the body of his annoying but kind of likeable girlfriend along with Finn's new fairy step-brother and Miss Snores Like A Rhino Jones before. Back in the days when Puck had spent nights at Finn's, he had always slept in a sleeping bag on the floor, in his mind, that was just the way that guy's did the whole sleep-over thing. It seemed that it was different for girls and gay teens as he found himself sharing Kurt's comfortable bed with both Kurt and Mercedes.

He was on the right side of the bed, almost falling off the edge while Mercedes was sprawled out in the middle taking up most of the space. Her snores were so ferocious they rumbled through the mattress and Puck groaned in annoyance. He tried covering his ears with the pillow to block out the sound but it didn't work. Realising that he wasn't likely to get any sleep with the animalistic snores erupting from Mercedes' throat, Puck slipped out of the bed and crept downstairs.

Sneaking into the kitchen, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before hunting the fridge and cupboards in search of waffles only to be disappointed when he found just an empty box (probably left by Finn or even Mr. Hummel). Settling for a tub of ice-cream, Puck hoisted himself onto the kitchen unit, swinging his legs absentmindedly as he dipped a spoon into the cold fudge and mint flavoured treat. He was licking off his fifth spoonful when he heard the sound of light footsteps softly approaching. He knew it could only be Kurt as Burt, Carole and Finn were all to heavy-footed to ever walk so delicately and as he could still hear Mercedes' snores he knew she must still be in bed.

"Hey, dude," Puck greeted through a mouthful of ice-cream as Kurt flicked the light on, bursts of colour attacking Puck's eyes.

"What did you say?" Kurt asked keeping his voice to a quiet level so as not to wake anybody upstairs.

"I said 'hey you'," Puck lied smoothly remembering he was supposed to be Rachel, a girl who never really made use of the word 'dude'. "Is our fellow Glee Clubber keeping you awake too?" He questioned, silently pleased with his quick return to Rachel-mode.

"I'm afraid so," Kurt answered with an amused smile as he puttered around the kitchen making two glasses of warm milk. "I adore Mercedes as much as my Marc Jacobs collection but she is a nightmare to share a room with on these girly get togethers of ours."

"I'm not a girl," Puck mumbled to himself sourly even as he realised Rachel's nipples had stiffened from the coolness of the kitchen.

"Hmm?" Kurt enquired quirking an eyebrow that was far more finely plucked than Rachel's.

"You're not a girl, Kurt," Puck covered quickly, hoping he was using Rachel's 'gentle' voice (though in his opinion, anything Rachel said was with her overused 'annoying' voice). "And being gay doesn't make you a girl either. Just because you're kind of effeminate doesn't mean you literally have a vagina," _lucky you_, "you shouldn't refer to yourself as a girl or include yourself when you say things like 'girly get togethers'. You're a guy, a gay guy, and you should be proud to call yourself that. I know a lot of the jerks on the football team give you a rough time and call you 'lady', and I guess I should really try and defend you more," he added with a touch of guilt while Kurt simply gazed at the floor, his body a little tense as he listened to what 'Rachel' had to say, "but when you go around and act like you are one of the girls, you're just encouraging assholes to make fun of you. And if you're gonna act like a girl who is interested in guys then you may as well just be straight which would suck because the gay thing is one of the main parts of what makes you so special."

"Thank you for such an inspiring pep-talk, Rachel," Kurt replied sarcastically but Puck recognised something defensive about the boy's posture and body-language, "however I assure you that I am well aware of my masculinity and the fact that I'm a boy, a real boy, just like Pinocchio." He let out an awkward laugh before seating himself comfortably at the table and indicating for the other teen to join him.

Taking the seat opposite Kurt, Puck rested the ice-cream tub on the table as he dug out another spoonful. The second glass of warm milk that Kurt had made was pushed across to him and the spoon was removed from his fingers as Kurt scooped up a mouthful of ice-cream for himself.

"I do believe tonight is a perfect occasion for some girl and _gay guy_ talk," Kurt stated finishing his sentence with a heavy sigh.

"Kurt, I couldn't agree more," Puck responded deciding that phrase would be his go-to response while he was stuck in Rachel's body. _Now what the hell am I supposed to talk about? _Puck wondered, suddenly wishing that he'd made the effort to talk about 'real emotional things' with girls a little bit more rather than just get into their pants. "What song should I perform at Regionals?" Puck asked thinking that was likely to be the Rachel Berry version of girl and gay guy talk. "Obviously it has to be a solo," he continued on trying out a flipping motion with his hair that he noticed plenty of girls do from time to time.

"As much as I admire your ambition and talent," Kurt replied, "and share your passion for music and the stage, I was hoping for a deeper form of conversation."

"Ok, I'm not sure if I've ever really done that before but I guess I can give it a try," Puck said sounding more like his usual self but still with enough arrogance and self-absorbedness to pass for Rachel, "so, let me see, a deeper form of conversation." _How deep would you like to take it in the ass? _Puck thought to himself in quiet amusement, the beginnings of a snigger threatening to pass from his lips but he managed to contain it. "Well, what do you wanna talk about? Boy troubles? Because I'm kind of an expert."

"Rachel, no offence, but you're the last person I'd turn to for advice about boys," Kurt responded. "Besides, it's not like I have anyone special in my life to talk about."

Hearing the bitter-tinged sadness in Kurt's voice, Puck sensed that this was what people meant by a deeper more meaningful discussion. Wrapping his fingers around his glass of warm milk, he trusted his instincts to carry on with the current thread of conversation.

"I know it must feel pretty lonely," Puck said hoping he sounded understanding and sympathetic, "but there are so many horny gay dudes out there who would love to tap your sweet ass." Kurt quirked an eyebrow in response and Puck realised how un-Rachel his words had sounded. "Well it's true," Puck insisted running a hand through the length of Rachel's hair as though that would help him remember he was a girl and instruct him on how best to act. "You'll graduate from high school, get a place at…" _damn, what's that college called that he wants to go to. Come on, think, Rachel yaps about it all the time in the choir room. Nirvana? Nadia? Narnia? _"… At the college of your dreams," Puck settled for saying, "with me," he added, "and we'll be roommates… right?"

"Of course," Kurt smiled.

"Right," Puck continued, "you're gonna get out of here, Kurt, really make something of yourself. You're gonna be somebody. And when you're out of this stupid loser town you're gonna have every gay guy out there falling at your feet."

"You're actually really sweet when you're not just thinking about yourself," Kurt remarked in a teasing tone but Puck could tell the other teen was touched by his words.

"I secretly care about people more than I let on," Puck replied with a shrug, speaking not only for Rachel, but also for himself. "I know that most people think I'm…" _a loser, manwhore, dumb kid on a one-way road to prison and early death_, "selfish, annoying and obsessed with the spotlight," Puck answered talking about Rachel, "but really I just…" _want somebody to believe in me, somebody to cuddle with instead of just fuck, I wanna be a good dad and make my mama and nana proud_, "I want people to see me. I don't want them to watch me deliver a flawless performance on stage and simply applaud my talent," Puck said, picking his words carefully to sound like Rachel, "I don't want them to just _look_, I want them to _see_, and I want them to like who they see. Maybe even love who they see." _Maybe even love me_. "I want people to see something special about me." _Then maybe I could believe that I am special_.

"People _do _see it, Rachel," Kurt said reassuringly as he stretched his hand out to take the girl's hand into his own, _damn, his hands are wicked soft, kinda like Beth's_, "they hear it too. And one day, when you're standing under a centre spotlight in front of a full audience on a Broadway stage, more people will be able to see and hear how special you are. How special I _know _you are."

"Thank you," Puck replied, though his words were half-hearted since the speech wasn't really directed at him, "that was… lovely." _Shame no-one will ever say something like that about me._

"So, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Kurt asked stroking his thumb over the back of Puck's borrowed hand.

"Oh um," _I'm holding hands with a gay guy which is sorta weird; no offence, I'm stuck in a chick's body, even though I'm single my current female body has a boyfriend who actually used to be my best friend, I'm living with two gay dudes that I hardly know in a house I'm not used to, I really want some waffles, I'm missing my daughter, my mama isn't around to wash my hair, and I really fucking miss my penis_, "nothing. We should probably get back to bed." _Wow, I've never said that to a guy before. Actually, I've never said that without it meaning 'sex' before._

"You're right," Kurt agreed putting the ice-cream away and carefully placing the two empty glasses of milk in the sink, "dark circles under my eyes definitely won't compliment the outfit I have planned for tomorrow. Prepared to floor it in the living-room again or are you brave enough to venture back upstairs to the doom that is Cedes' snoring?"

"Floor," Puck answered with a shrug and a few minutes later, Kurt had made up a make-shift bed for them on the living-room floor.

Arms across his breasts, Puck shifted from foot-to-foot a little as he watched Kurt get comfortable in the double-sized sleeping-bag. He wasn't entirely comfortable with sharing a sleeping-bag with another dude, especially Kurt, what if he got a boner over him?

"Rachel?" Kurt asked looking to Puck expectantly.

"Oh," Puck responded dumbly before crawling in beside him. _It's cool, the dudes gay and you're currently a chick. Nothing gay about this at all, it's totally hetero. Anyway, I wore a dress to school and I totally pulled that off so I can sleep beside a guy too_.

"Mmm, night, Rach," Kurt whispered tiredly.

"Night," Puck returned, his back to the other boy, enough distance between them so there was no body contact, but close enough that he could hear Kurt's breathing.

For several minutes, Puck remained still as a statue, his body tense and eyes wide open as he stared into the darkness of the Hummel-Hudson living-room. Eventually, he rolled over and scooted closer to Kurt, resting what was really Rachel's head on the other boy's chest. As Kurt's arms moved up to embrace him, Puck tensed up again, but relaxed as Kurt absentmindedly stroked one hand through his borrowed dark-locks. Listening to Kurt's heartbeat, Puck let his eyes flutter shut and just allowed himself to experience how pleasant it felt to simply be held by someone, and so what if that someone was the resident gay boy?

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	6. Just Really Nice Jeans

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing everyone**

**Here's the next chapter, enjoy**

**Chapter 6-Just Really Nice Jeans:**

After a pleasant night's sleep, Puck woke up to find himself still held in Kurt Hummel's surprisingly muscular arms. They were nothing compared to his own guns on his proper body of course, but Kurt was definitely hiding some well defined biceps under all his fancy designer clothing. Not willing to wake up Kurt and not ready to get up himself just yet, Puck simply stayed as he was, enjoying the experience of waking up with someone.

He had of course slept with countless women ever since he turned thirteen, his entire reputation was largely based upon his sexual promiscuity, but he'd never really stayed the night cuddling with anyone. If his conquest was a high school girl, then Puck would do the deed before taking off. If it was a MILF or a cougar, then he'd clean their pool, do the nasty and take his leave before the husbands got home from work.

The only girl he'd spent the night with after sex was Santana but they'd never cuddled. They'd just ordered pizza and played computer games. It had always been fun, and the sex was wild, but there was no real emotion beyond the point of what Santana referred to as their 'fiendship'. According to the Latina, they were practically evil twins, one with a dick and one with a vagina. _Two with a vagina now_, Puck thought bitterly.

Apart from Santana, the only girl Puck had _wanted_ to spend the night with was Quinn. At the time, he truly had wanted to be with her. He had wanted to be her Prince Charming and do the whole romantic doting boyfriend thing. After gently taking her virginity, Puck had wanted to cuddle up together and simply gaze adoringly at her beautiful angelic features. But after the deed was done, Quinn had freaked and shrieked at him to get out, throwing a hairbrush and a shoe at his head as he hurried off still half naked.

So for Puck, being inside Rachel's body and lying in Kurt's arms was the first time he'd ever really got to spend the night with someone and then wake up to them in the morning. There hadn't been any sex of course, but the act of sleeping together was still intimate. Perhaps it was even better than sex, nicer, more romantic. Not that Puck was into any of that girly shit.

An indistinguishable sound passed through Kurt's lips and Puck expected the boy to wake up but he only shifted position slightly. Enjoying the warmth radiating from Kurt's body, Puck pressed himself a fraction closer to the fashion-obsessed diva. Without thinking, Puck buried his face into the crook of Kurt's neck and rubbed his nose along Kurt's collarbone, inhaling the boy's natural scent. It was nice, more than nice. Puck wanted to put a name to the pleasing smell but he wasn't very knowledgeable about that type of thing so he couldn't identify it. He just snuggled closer, resting one hand on Kurt's flat stomach where his sleep shirt had ridden up. The other boy's skin was smooth and warm to the touch and though a voice in Puck's head was screaming at him how gay his current predicament was, he simply ignored it.

A few minutes later Puck's arm had gone dead from where he was laying on it. He turned onto his other side, his back to Kurt now. He was considering getting up when the other teen moved closer against him, circling his arms around his waist and cuddling up to him. To Puck, the situation felt rather bizarre and not just because he was in the arms of a gay dude. Ever since he could remember, Puck had been well built and he was sure that he'd always been taller than Kurt. Now, in Rachel's body, he was a lot shorter than pretty much everyone he knew and the muscles he was so proud of were no longer with him. It made him feel sort of vulnerable, as if he needed somebody to take care of him. Ordinarily, Kurt Hummel wouldn't be his first choice for a heroic protector, but feeling as defenceless as he did in Rachel's body, being held by Kurt was incredibly comforting.

"Well, good morning, Miss Berry," Kurt said tiredly as he woke up, still holding Puck to him like he was a much beloved teddy-bear.

"Hey," Puck replied not having the energy to think of a more Rachel-like retort. Twisting his neck slightly so he could look back at Kurt, he caught sight of the boy's tousled bed hair, bleary eyes and lazy smile. It was strange, but seeing Kurt in his morning state without fancy clothes and products in his hair made him look less gay, or maybe just less girly, but he definitely looked different and in a good way too.

"Breakfast?" Kurt asked and Puck's stomach rumbled lightly at the word. "I could make pancakes," he offered as he pulled his arms away and started to get up.

"Stay," Puck said before he could stop himself, one hand reaching up to latch onto Kurt's wrist, "just hold me a little while longer. You're really comfy," Puck admitted in a shy mumble.

"Rachel, is everything ok?" Kurt asked concernedly moving back down to rest beside Puck. "Usually you're an insane ball of energy dancing around the house and singing Barbara Streisand by now, what's wrong? Is it Finn?"

"It's nothing," Puck lied and Kurt arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "Just girl stuff," Puck told him and this time his words were completely sincere even though Kurt still looked unconvinced.

"I'm here if you want to talk," Kurt said squeezing Puck's hand, "you know that right?"

"Sure," Puck answered forcing a smile. Smiling back, Kurt moved in and pressed a kiss to Puck's forehead before getting up and heading to the kitchen to start on breakfast. Still lazing on the living-room floor, Puck reached his fingertips up to ghost over the area Kurt's lips had just been. The last time Puck had been kissed on the forehead was after he'd been hit with a slushie for the first time. Then, it had been Rachel's lips pressing against his skin. Now, it was Kurt's lips and Rachel's forehead, but Puck was the one feeling it. "So weird." Puck muttered to himself shaking his head as though to rid himself of all the confusion his situation came with.

Standing up, he decided to make himself useful and did his best to roll the sleeping bag up neatly. He then followed Kurt into the kitchen and offered his help with preparing breakfast. As they worked together in the kitchen, Puck realised that his nipples had hardened again. He was tempted to tweak them a little bit, just to see how sensitive Rachel's nipples were, but he didn't feel right about touching the girl's boobs without her permission.

Carole was the first to come downstairs, shortly followed by Burt who eyed up the pancakes hopefully only to sulk when Kurt presented him with a bowl of chopped up fruit. Mercedes soon joined them, already dressed and bejewelled as she greeted them with her brilliant smile. Predictably, Finn was the last to wake up and when he joined them at the table, he wolfed down his pancakes; syrup dribbling down his chin as he openly stared at Puck's breasts. _I can't believe Rachel AND Quinn chose this dude over me, I mean I'm a stud and Finnessa is just… yuck_.

Listening to the conversations travel between the others, Puck opted to remain relatively quiet, only speaking up when somebody spoke to him directly. He could feel Kurt's eyes straying to him every few moments, obviously suspecting that something was up. Taking up a bottle of syrup, Puck made a star pattern across his pancakes hoping to keep up the Rachel pretence before Kurt could figure the truth out. _Not that he could, _Puck thought, _nobody would believe this crazy shit unless it had happened to them. Huh, there was that time when Kurt dressed like his old man and even made out with Brittany. Maybe something happened and someone else was stuck in his body for a week. _

"Rachel, sweetie," Carole's voice interrupted Puck's musings, "if you've finished your breakfast you really need to get ready for school now."

"Right, yeah, sure," Puck replied distractedly before heading upstairs.

"Is everything ok between you and Rachel?" Carole asked Finn.

"Fine, why?" Finn asked as he licked the syrup off his plate.

"She seems a little… different," Carole commented.

"Does she?" Finn replied obviously not having thought anything was out of the ordinary. "She seems like the same old Rachel to me."

"She is acting a little different," Kurt spoke up, "there's definitely something wrong. Think Finn, what have you done?"

"Me? I didn't do anything," Finn pouted while the others looked at him disbelievingly. "I haven't," Finn insisted.

XXX

"I cannot believe that we are still stuck parading around in one another's bodies," Rachel complained in a stage whisper as she paced up and down in the auditorium, Puck slouching in a seat on the front row with his legs parted giving Rachel a full view of what was up his skirt. "It feels like we're being punished for something which is just so completely unfair. I know I can be stubborn, selfish and controlling but I do not deserve the mental torment I am currently being subjected to."

"Yeah, it sucks," Puck replied shrugging one shoulder.

"It sucks?" Rachel repeated pausing in her pacing to glare down at Puck. "We're trapped in each other's bodies with no idea what happened or how to reverse the transformation and all you can say is 'it sucks'? Noah, I'm not sure if you fully appreciate the devastating disaster that has befallen us. Do you know what happened to me yesterday, do you?"

"No, but you're probably gonna tell me anyway," Puck said.

"My own birth mother kissed me," Rachel cried shrilly and Puck furrowed his brows as he heard the sound emit from what was really his mouth. "On the mouth, with her tongue, I cannot even begin to tell you just how traumatising that single experience was. Now I know your romantic relationships are none of my business, but whatever is going on between you and my mother is so incredibly wrong and completely and nauseatingly gross and it has to end right now."

"Relax, I'm not doing anything with your mum," Puck responded readjusting his bra straps, "I mean she's kinda hot and she's great with Beth but I'm not fooling around with her."

"Then why did she kiss me?" Rachel demanded to know resting her hands on her hips.

"Because I'm a stud," Puck smirked.

"We have to find a way to fix this, Noah, we just have to," Rachel said desperately moving to sit beside the boy. "I'm not sure how long I can survive like this. I hate being a boy."

"Hey, babe, come on, we can get through this ok," Puck assured her tilting her chin up and grazing the back of his knuckles across her cheek. _Damn, I'm good-looking_, he thought as he admired his own face through Rachel's eyes. "We just need to wait it out and things will go back to normal. Just keep your cool. I know you usually like making things as dramatic as possible, but right now we both need to stay calm."

"I am trying," Rachel insisted as she crossed one leg over the other, "but it isn't easy. My mind keeps trying to make sense of what's happened to us but my brain just rejects the mere idea of it all making me think I've gone crazy. In your body, people are treating me differently and it's all so confusing. I don't know how to act or what to say or even think. It feels like I don't even know who the real me is anymore. I'm scared, Noah."

"Me too," Puck admitted quietly, "and I keep thinking that somebody is gonna look at me and just know that I'm not the real Rachel. But realistically how could anyone guess what's really happened to us?"

"Your mother just thinks you're on drugs," Rachel said and Puck felt a pang in his heart hearing that his mother had such a low opinion of him, "your sister just thinks you're behaving weirder than usual and I don't even know what anybody else thinks. Apart from Artie and Shelby," she shuddered as the memory of her mother kissing her passed through her mind, "nobody has even stopped to speak to me today. You don't have many real friends do you?" She asked in an unintentional blunt manner.

"Not really," Puck answered honestly, "Artie's cool and Shelby's been really good about letting me spend time with Beth. It kinda feels like Beth's my best friend," he confessed with a smile as he thought about his daughter. "She always smiles when she sees me and reaches her arms out for a hug. And I can always stop her crying when Shelby can't. Sometimes I just hold her and talk to her about anything and she'll look right at me with her big beautiful eyes, like Quinn's eyes, and it really feels like she's listening to what I say and understanding what I'm feeling. I think she knows that I'm her dad."

"That's beautiful," Rachel replied, "I'm sorry if I've ruined things for you. I can talk to Shelby; I'll say whatever it takes to make sure you can still spend time with Beth."

"Wait, what?" Puck asked, "Did she say that I can't see her anymore?"

"No, no," Rachel answered quickly, "she hasn't said anything like that at all. I just, after Shelby kissed me last night," she shuddered again at the memory, "I didn't stick around. I just screamed in her face and ran out."

"That is so not badass," Puck commented and Rachel smiled sheepishly.

"I don't know my mother very well," Rachel continued, "and I don't know how she might feel about me running out on her like that. But I'll talk to her, I'll find out her feelings on the matter and if I've caused any problems then I promise you I will fix them as best as I can."

"Don't worry, it's not your fault," Puck told her knowing he'd probably scream and run too if his mother ever put the moves on him. "It'll all be ok. Come on, let's go to Glee Club, people will start to talk if I'm not there first in your body and Kurt's already getting suspicious."

"What about Finn?" Rachel asked.

"He hasn't noticed anything." Puck shrugged leading the way to the choir room.

"He hasn't?" Rachel asked sounding disappointed.

"Don't take it personally, he's a pretty dumb guy," Puck told her, "There's no way he could figure this shit out."

"I don't expect him to come to the correct conclusion about what's happened," Rachel said, "but I thought he would have noticed that something about me is different. He's my boyfriend, my soul mate, the love of my life; surely he should be one of the first people to notice that I'm not myself right now."

"I… um, I must be pretty convincing at pretending to be you," Puck said trying to make the girl feel better.

"Of course," Rachel replied weakly, "that must be it."

"Yeah, yeah that's definitely it," Puck lied startled to see just how miserable and wounded his own facial features could look.

XXX

Everybody else joined Puck and Rachel in the choir room. As soon as Kurt sat down beside Puck, he immediately asked if 'she' was ok and Puck nodded that he was fine. He then looked over at Rachel and winced internally as he noticed the way she was gazing longingly at Finn. _I hope no-one else notices or they'll think I've gone gay for Frankenteen_.

"Excuse me, Yentl, your nose is in my way," Santana said bitchily as she stopped by Puck's chair, acting as though his borrowed nose was too big for her to be able to walk on by.

"Shut the fuck up, Lopez," Puck retorted without thinking and everybody else stared at him with open-mouthed expressions upon hearing 'Rachel Berry' swear.

"Ooh, trying to use big girl words are you?" Santana taunted. "Well how about trying some big girl fight moves? Let's see how your Broadway boy-hips compares to my Lima Heights badassness."

"You know what, bring it on," Puck challenged standing up. As much as he loved Santana (in a purely platonic way) he couldn't deny that there had been a large number of occasions where he'd felt like smacking the girl but he'd always been too much of a gentleman to do so. Now that he was in another girl's body, he figured that made hitting a girl acceptable.

"Oh Berry, you are going down," Santana remarked before making a move to strike her but the others jumped in before either Santana or Puck could touch each other.

"Ok guys, I have a great song right here," Mr. Schue announced striding into the classroom with a lyrics sheet in his hand, completely oblivious to the tension in the room. "A potential solo for Regionals," he added looking round at them all in expectation of vocal enthusiasm, "Rachel, let's see what you've got," he said presenting the lyric sheet to Puck amidst groans from some of the others upon hearing that Rachel was getting _another _opportunity for _another _solo.

It was on the tip of Puck's tongue to graciously turn down the offer and suggest that somebody else perform the song, but he knew that wasn't a Rachel thing to do. Forcing a smile, he took the lyric sheet and made his way to the centre of the choir room.

"While I realise some of my less talented team mates may feel undervalued right now as another solo is being handed to me," Puck said trying to sound as Rachel as possible, "I would like to assure you all now that Mr. Schue is making the right decision to ensure a New Directions victory when we perform at Regionals."

"Oh he's good," Rachel whispered to herself, impressed by Puck's speech.

"Just sing the song before I punch you," Santana huffed and Mr. Schue sent her a warning look.

"Very well," Puck replied, "today I will be performing…" _what the fuck? _"The Man That Got Away from A Star Is Born by Judy Garland," he read off of the sheet. _Who the hell is Judy Garland?_

Brad struck up the tune on the piano and Puck felt his heart beat speed up and his palms start to sweat. He had never heard of the song and the lyrics were completely unfamiliar to him. He had hoped hearing the music might make it easier but it wasn't helping. Having no idea what he was doing, he sang the first lyric and even though he didn't know the song, he could tell that he'd sung at the wrong tempo, out of tune and off key.

He massacred another two lines before Mr. Schue intervened and put a stop to the performance. Peering up through his eyelashes, Puck saw that Rachel looked horrified with the way he had sung in her body with her voice. Most of the others seemed to look confused and Kurt looked so offended that Puck knew the boy had to be a fan of whoever this Judy chick was.

"Is everything ok, Rachel?" Mr. Schue asked concernedly resting a hand on Puck's shoulder.

"I think I can feel the beginnings of a tickle in the back of my throat," Puck lied, "I must be getting sick," he said trying to look as dramatically devastated as he could.

"Maybe you should sit down for the rest of rehearsal," Mr. Schue suggested, "just give your voice a rest, it could be laryngitis again."

Sitting back down, Puck dearly hoped that the others would believe that he was getting sick. He knew Rachel's singing ability was important to her, her vocal talent was what gave her comfort, and he didn't want the others to think the real Rachel couldn't do something when he fully believed the real Rachel could. If Rachel had been in her own body, then Puck was certain she'd have blown them all away with whatever the hell that song was. But unfortunately, Puck could not do the same. He didn't know how to control Rachel's singing voice and the fact that he didn't know the song hadn't helped the situation at all.

"Mr. Schue, Brittany and I have been rehearsing a duet," Santana spoke up, "since we have a rare opportunity where Glee Club doesn't revolve around Rachel Berry we'd like to take the chance to perform it."

"It's really hot," Brittany added, "you're totally gonna wet your pants."

"Is the song appropriate for a classroom?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Oh yeah, definitely," Santana answered taking Brittany's hand and already moving to the performance area. "Puck, we need you to play guitar for us."

_Oh shit_, Puck thought and turned his head to see that Rachel looked incredibly panicked.

"I can't," Rachel said, "my fingers are sore."

"Dude, you're disgusting," Mercedes commented as she, like everybody else, assumed that Rachel was referring to having sore fingers from fingering somebody out.

"Whatever, look, you know the song ok," Santana told 'him' moving forwards to grab Rachel's arm and force the mohawked Jew into the performance area.

Nervously, Rachel picked up Puck's guitar and draped it round herself. She stared down at the strings as though they were a litter of poisonous snakes preparing to sink their fangs into her skin and coil their bodies around her and crush her bones into dust. Rachel flinched as Santana leaned in to whisper the song title into her ear. Her eyes widened in fear and she looked to Puck helplessly but all he could do was shrug at her.

"Ok Puck, we're ready," Santana prompted looking to him expectantly.

Although Rachel knew the song the two girls were planning to sing, she couldn't play guitar at all. Biting her lip, she dragged her thumb across the strings hoping for the best but the resulting sound was decidedly cringe-worthy. Muttering an apology, she tried again, plucking the strings almost timidly and wincing at the tuneless noises she made.

"I can't do this," Rachel exclaimed setting the guitar down.

"Puck, what the hell?" Santana asked sounding irritated.

"Just leave me alone," Rachel snapped before storming out of the choir room and Puck dropped his head into his hands with a groan as he watched Rachel storm away in his body.

"That was weird," Artie commented unnecessarily and Quinn quietly slipped from the choir room following after who she thought to be Puck.

After that, the Glee rehearsal pretty much fell apart and Mr. Schue dismissed them all to go home early. Standing up and straightening out his skirt, Puck intended to find Rachel but Finn took his hand and invited him over for dinner.

"Sure, that sounds lovely," Puck answered. _This is gonna be a giant ball of suck_.

XXX

After arriving at the Hummel-Hudson home, Puck found himself voluntarily making a start on his (technically Rachel's) homework assignments so he could avoid having to make-out with Finn. _If I was really a girl, Hudson would NOT be my type at all_.

There was a knock on Finn's bedroom door followed by Kurt's voice asking if it was safe to come in.

"It's cool, bro, we're just studying," Finn called out and Puck heard a distinct note of frustration in Finn's voice over the fact he wasn't putting out for him.

"Hey," Kurt smiled as he stepped into the room, a frown forming on his features as he took in the messy state of Finn's bedroom. _My bedroom's even worse than this,_ Puck thought, amusement coursing through him as he imagined how Kurt might react to seeing the state of his bedroom. "I was about to pop in a movie before dinner if you two wanted to watch with me."

"What movie?" Finn asked.

"Dirty Dancing," Kurt answered.

"Urgh, no way," Finn replied.

"Kurt, I would love to," Puck said setting his pen down and standing up. _Even a chick flick is better than doing homework with a dude who wants to make-out with me_.

Ignoring Finn's disappointed looks over being ditched Puck followed Kurt into his bedroom and made himself comfortable on the boy's bed. As Kurt sat in close beside him, their arms and legs touching as they pulled the bedcovers up to their chins, Puck randomly found himself remembering that Mercedes had once had a crush on Kurt. Discreetly looking at the blatantly obvious gay teen, Puck wondered what had appealed to Mercedes about Kurt to consider him as a romantic option. _How the hell did she not guess he was gay? And he still had a baby face when she was into him. Maybe it was because they're both divas and love fashion. _

Turning his attention back to the screen, Puck found himself becoming genuinely interested in the plot of the film. Watching Jennifer Grey on screen, Puck wondered if there was a Broadway or West End version of the movie. _If there is a stage version, Rachel should definitely play 'Baby' one day_, he mused purely because Rachel had a big nose just like the chick in the movie.

Laughing along with Kurt at a part of the film, Puck's eyes shifted to his companion for a few moments. _Maybe Mercedes had a crush on Kurt because of his laugh, or his smile._

Further into the movie, Kurt was singing along to one of the songs playing in the background. He was singing directly into Puck's ear, his lips brushing against the shell and his breath tickling the lobe. _Maybe she liked him because of his singing_, Puck thought. _This film has a really good sound-track_, he decided to himself later on. _The dude has really pretty eyes_, Puck thought watching the emotions swimming in Kurt's expressive orbs as Baby made a tearful speech to her father in the movie, Kurt mouthing the words along with the actress. _Prettier than Quinn's eyes, but not Beth's; nobody's eyes are prettier than Beth's_.

After the film finished, Kurt leapt out of the bed and started dancing as the credits rolled on the T.V screen. Puck watched on in amusement as Kurt re-enacted the dance moves from the movie. He didn't actually look at Kurt's ass, he just happened to notice it as Kurt wiggled his hips. Deliberately looking at another dude's ass would have been gay, but simply noticing didn't mean anything. _Maybe Mercedes was into him because of his butt. Yeah, that'd make sense; his ass does look really good. Must be because of those jeans. Yeah, they're just really nice jeans, that's what I'm looking at_.

XXX

Meanwhile, Rachel (as Puck) was once again screaming and running away in terror. This time, it wasn't her mother's lips that had pressed against her own, but Quinn's.

"First my mother, and now my boyfriends ex," Rachel complained as she forcibly wiped her mouth, "I am going to need _sooo _much therapy."

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	7. Mr Giraffe

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you very much for all your kind reviews**

**This chapter wasn't planned, but clearly it wanted to be written, and I think it's quite cute, so here it is, hope you like**

**Chapter 7-Mr. Giraffe:**

Eleven days had passed by and Puck and Rachel were still trapped in one another's bodies, doing their best to fool those around them into believing everything was normal. They probably weren't doing the best job at pretending to be one another, but things could certainly have been worse. Although Puck was still receiving concerned looks from Kurt, confused expressions from Rachel's dads and suspicious stares from Santana, he was managing to play the part of Rachel Berry fairly well. The real Rachel had also been working with him on his singing so that he could control her vocals. He was still pretending to have a bad throat whenever they met for Glee but he was becoming more confident that he could sing convincingly as Rachel, just as long as he wasn't asked to sing a Broadway tune.

As for Rachel, although she was trying her best, her impersonation of Puck wasn't going too well. Nobody had guessed she wasn't really Puck of course, but people had been gossiping about 'him' and spreading rumours. Some people, Puck's mother included, were convinced that drugs were the cause of 'Puck's' unusual behaviour. The Cheerio's seemed adamant that either lack of sex or too much sex was the reasoning behind 'Puck's oddness. A few members of the football team had speculated that Puck had gone gay but there were always girls around to dismiss the idea. Jacob Ben Israel had written an article claiming that Puck had gotten another girl pregnant. Brittany had even suggested to Santana that maybe Puck was pregnant while some of the teachers seemed to think the Jewish boy was involved in a criminal gang of some kind.

Still, the two Jewish teenagers were somehow managing to get through the days and nights as each other. While Rachel had taken to locking herself in Puck's bedroom and avoiding the female population as best as possible, Puck found himself spending the majority of his time with Kurt and trying to discreetly avoid being around Finn.

Posing as Rachel was by no means an easy feat, but Puck found himself to be most at ease when in Kurt's company. Although he was constantly aware of his language and making sure to speak in a manner befitting to Rachel, more often than not he was really just talking about himself but changing some of the details to make the conversation relatable to Rachel. One night, Puck had stayed over at the Hummel-Hudson household talking to Kurt until dawn. Kurt had started off talking about his mother so Puck had joined in talking about his feelings towards his old man under the guise of Rachel talking about Shelby.

For whatever reason, it was easy for Puck to open up and talk to Kurt. He'd never really tried talking about 'real feelings' before, always deeming such a thing to be too 'girly'. But as he was pretending to be a girl he decided that serious conversation about his feelings were acceptable and didn't affect his masculinity or badassness. Though in truth, his badass reputation was suffering a great deal with Rachel in his body but he was doing his best not to worry about it. He'd be able to repair the damage to his reputation just as soon as he got his own body back, as long as Rachel didn't dare to shave off his mohawk. And if she did, then Puck was fully prepared to seek revenge and hack off Rachel's dark locks; even if he did secretly enjoy winding the dark strands around his fingers as he gazed at Kurt during their deep conversations.

XXX

That day, Puck had been invited on a date with Finn but rejected Rachel's boyfriend in favour of spending the day at the mall with Kurt, Tina and Mercedes. After visiting a few stores, Tina had left them to meet up with Mike and Mercedes had headed on home as she had to attend a family gathering with her parents. So Puck was left in the company of Kurt, now finding the act of walking arm-in-arm with Lima's resident gay boy completely natural.

As they made their way through the mall, Puck was sorely tempted to enter the video game store but he knew he couldn't do that while in Rachel's body. So instead he steered Kurt into a girly looking shop that held a display of cuddly teddies in the window. The shop was predominantly made up of children's toys and baby clothes, but Kurt immediately led the way to the shelves full of teddy bears so Puck assumed it was a shop Rachel frequently visited. The girl did have a lot of stuffed animals crowding her brightly painted bedroom after all.

Picking up a stuffed toy at random, Puck smiled at the soft-to-touch feeling, his thoughts turning to Beth and wondering if his little girl would like the cuddly giraffe. He liked to think that his daughter would like it as the hair on top of the giraffe's head sort of looked like a mohawk. He was desperate to buy the giraffe and give it to Beth in the hopes that it would make her think of her daddy when he couldn't be around her.

"He's cute," Kurt commented in a whisper. At first, Puck thought the boy was talking about the cuddly giraffe but he soon realised Kurt was discreetly checking out a twenty-something blonde male. _Whatever, I'm totally hotter_, Puck thought to himself as he stroked the giraffe's hair. "Are you going to buy him?" Kurt asked and this time he was talking about the teddy in Puck's hands.

Before Puck could answer, he heard a delighted giggle, a sound that he was sure he'd recognise anywhere. Turning on his heel, his face split into a wide grin as he saw Shelby heading their way with Beth in the pushchair.

"Hello, Rachel, Kurt," Shelby greeted politely with a warm smile, though there was a sense of awkwardness, as though she wasn't entirely sure how to behave around 'Rachel'.

Barely even looking at Shelby, Puck crouched down so he was at eye-level with Beth and made cooing noises to her as he showed her the giraffe. Giggling and blowing raspberries, Beth applauded her pudgy hands together before reaching her arms out to Puck like she always did. Without even asking permission, Puck removed the straps that kept Beth safe in the pram and lifted his baby girl into his arms for a much needed cuddle. Straight away, Beth pressed a kiss to his cheek before giving him a playful head butt. _She knows it's still me_, Puck thought in wonder balancing her on his hip.

"She likes you," Shelby commented with a genuine smile.

"Clearly as a future star in the making herself, she recognises and admires my own incredible talent," Puck gushed without pulling his eyes away from Beth who was babbling to him in baby jargon that he didn't understand but found to be completely adorable. "Hey there Mr. Giraffe, isn't Princess Beth the most beautiful girl in the world?" Puck asked then pretended to listen to the imaginary words the toy was speaking into his ear. "Yes, Mr. Giraffe says you _are_ the most beautiful girl in the world," Puck declared moving the giraffe in to nuzzle Beth's face in a semblance of a kiss. Giggling happily, Beth wrapped her arms around Mr. Giraffe and prodded at the fluffy hair on the toy's head before tugging on her daddy's long hair with a bemused expression. _I swear she's asking where my mohawks gone_. "What do you think, Miss Beth, should we buy Mr. Giraffe to add to your toy collection?"

"Oh Rachel, honestly, you don't have to do that," Shelby said.

"It's ok, I want to," Puck insisted and Beth was already clinging to the giraffe as if she owned it. "Come on, let's go buy it, Bethy," Puck said setting his daughter on her feet and holding her beneath her armpits to help her walk along.

"I had no idea Rachel was so good with children," Kurt commented to Shelby merely for something to say.

"I think she must get it from me," Shelby replied with a sad kind of smile accompanying a fond pride that sparkled in her eyes, "she managed to get a lot of my best qualities. I just hope she's different enough from me to not repeat my mistakes."

"She misses you," Kurt said softly and Shelby tore her eyes away from her two daughters queuing at the cash register to look at him, "or at least she misses the relationship you two could have had. She loves her dads, but growing up without a mum isn't easy; trust me I know."

"I have a lot of regrets with Rachel," Shelby admitted, "but her dads were able to give her a life I couldn't. Not back then, I was far too young. I'm her mother, nothing will change that, but I'm not her mum. It's too late for that."

"Why is it too late?" Kurt asked. "You get to start over and be a proper mum to Beth, but what does Rachel get? She might be lucky to have two incredible dads, but she still doesn't have a mum. How is that fair?"

Shelby cleared her throat awkwardly and began looking at random toys on shelves for a distraction, obviously not knowing how to respond. Before anymore could be said, Puck returned carrying Beth who was happily chewing on one of Mr. Giraffe's legs.

"Thank you for the giraffe, Rachel," Shelby smiled holding her arms out to take Beth back and Puck gave the girl a quick kiss before handing her over, "it was nice seeing you but I have to get going now."

"Ok, bye, Bethy," Puck said waggling his fingers to his daughter who had just been placed back in her pushchair.

"Dada," Beth replied blowing kisses to Puck who felt his heart swell.

"Dada?" Kurt repeated in confusion.

"It's one of the few words she can say," Shelby explained, "ever since she met Noah she's thought the world of him. In fact I think he's her favourite person."

"That's… sweet," Kurt offered.

"Bye, dada," Beth called again and Shelby made a final goodbye to the two teens before pushing Beth away.

"Rachel, are you ok?" Kurt asked waving his hand in Puck's face to gain his attention.

"Oh, of course, I was just having a little fantasy about accepting my first Toby award," Puck answered.

"Tony," Kurt corrected with a quirked eyebrow.

"That's what I said," Puck replied with such conviction that Kurt actually believed he'd simply misheard.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	8. Gay Dudes Don't Like Girls

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone**

**Here's the next chapter**

**Chapter 8-Gay Dudes Don't Like Girls:**

"Hey, Puck," Quinn greeted, whispering the words into the girl-turned-boy's ear and making Rachel jump.

"Q-Quinn," Rachel quaked darting her eyes around the corridor in search of an escape route. "Um, could I possibly be of assistance?" She trembled and Quinn scrunched her face up in bemusement at the choice of words. "I mean, do you like… need help? Oh dear Barbara, I am so not good at this, this is simply beyond my otherwise incredible talents," she muttered to herself covering her face with her hands.

"Barbara?" Quinn repeated in a dangerous tone, the female name being the only word she'd managed to make out from 'Puck's' mumbling. "Who's Barbara?"

"I, um… no-one," Rachel stammered looking around for a sign of help that simply wasn't presenting itself.

"You're lying to me," Quinn accused, hands on hips as she invaded Rachel's personal space. "Who is she? Does she go here? Is she the reason you ran away screaming when I kissed you two weeks ago, the reason why you've been avoiding me?"

"Um, I, err… I don't have to explain myself to you," Rachel replied trying to sound confident like Puck but ultimately failing as she tried edging away, "we aren't a couple so what I do isn't your business."

"Just tell me who Barbara is," Quinn pressed blocking Rachel's path when she tried to walk away, "I won't be mad. I'm just interested. Who is she? Is she your girlfriend? Just tell me and I won't say anymore about it. I'll be happy for you," she smiled sweetly but glared daggers from her eyes; daggers of the blunt and extra painful variety.

"There is no Barbara," Rachel insisted, "I have no girlfriend because… because… because," _because of the wonderful things he does, we're off to see the wizard… no stop, that won't help. What would Noah say? _"I'm a stud. That's right; you heard correctly, I am a stud. One might even call me a…" she looked around the area before leaning closer to a confused looking Quinn to whisper her next words, "sex shark." _Good, this is going good. Just remain calm. Treat this school corridor as your stage, Noah Puckerman as your character, and Quinn the captivated audience. _

"Are you drunk?" Quinn asked.

"No, not at all," Rachel answered, "I mean… yes, yes I am. Because I went to a wild party last night," she improvised. "I drank beer, lots of beer, too much in fact. And there were girls, including Barbara, who accompanied me to this wild party. No relationship though, just…" she looked around then whispered again, "sex. The girl's just love my Puckzilla charm," _Puckzilla is such a ridiculous name_. "They love my guns too," Rachel said flexing one of her borrowed muscles, "and who could blame them? My arms really are lovely," she said fondly. "In conclusion," _stay in character, Miss Berry; use language that Puck would use_, "um… so yeah, this Barbara chick was just another hook-up for me."

"So that means you're single?" Quinn asked.

"Um… yes," Rachel answered nervously. _Why is she peering at me through her eyelashes like that? Oh gosh, she's moving closer, quick, step back before she tries to kiss you again_.

"Take me to dinner tonight, Breadsticks, seven o'clock," Quinn instructed, "we need to catch up. I miss you," she said quietly and Rachel couldn't tell if the blonde genuinely missed the real Puck or if she was just feeling lost and lonely without a boyfriend.

"Dinner sounds," _do not say 'lovely', Puck would never say that_. She started again, "babe, food at the Sticks sounds awesome, but the Puckersaurus has other plans." _Perfect, totally in character. If this were a performance I'd be receiving a standing ovation right now_.

"Cancel," Quinn told 'him' who was really a 'her'.

"I can't," Rachel said still very much intimidated by Quinn Fabray even though she was now taller and stronger than her.

"Oh, I think you can," Quinn replied moving in closer and pressing her body against Rachel, "let me make things clear for you. If you treat me to dinner tonight, you get to have sex with me." Smiling seductively, yet still looking angelic, she pressed a kiss to Rachel's cheek before walking on, looking back over her shoulder with a smouldering glance.

The only thing to go through Rachel's mind in response was, _AAARRRGGGHHH!_

XXX

"Melanie, sweet little sister of mine," Rachel said striding into Puck's sister's bedroom, "I have a proposition for you."

"Whatever it is, my answer is no," Mel replied as she carried on painting her nails a bright pink colour.

"Just hear me out. Oh, that colour is so cute," Rachel exclaimed taking up Mel's hand to admire the pink painted nails, "you must tell me where you got it. I've been looking for the perfect pink nail polish for months but it's never been quite right. But this, this is precisely what I've been looking for."

"Why do you want pink nail polish?" Mel asked suspiciously.

"Oh, um, it's for my friend Rachel Berry," Rachel answered silently congratulating herself for such quick thinking. "But never mind, that's not important. I need you to come with me to Breadsticks tonight, for dinner."

"Breadsticks sucks," Mel complained going back to painting the rest of her nails, "can't we order pizza?"

"Maybe another night," Rachel said, "but Quinn Fabray has ordered me to take her to Breadsticks tonight and I don't want to go alone so I need you to come with me. As a thank-you I will of course pay for your meal and give you a weeks worth of singing and dancing lessons free of charge."

"You're going on a date with Quinn?" Mel asked. "Is she pregnant again? Oh Noah, mama's going to kill you."

"What? No, nobody's pregnant and it's not even a date," Rachel insisted. "That's why I'd like you to join us. With you there it will be clear to Quinn that it is simply a friendly meal and nothing more. So, as soon as your nails are dry we'll be on our way," Rachel beamed.

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Mel commented, "you've been seriously weird lately."

"It's a guy thing," Rachel supplied patting Mel on the head in a patronising manner. "Ready to go?"

"I didn't agree," Mel pointed out, "and I'm not going to unless you pay me fifty dollars."

"Fifty dollars?" Rachel blanched. "That's ridiculous. I'll give you five."

"Thirty," Mel challenged.

"Ten," Rachel responded.

"Twenty," Mel replied.

"Deal," Rachel accepted with a sigh.

XXX

Ten minutes later, Rachel was driving Puck's truck to Breadsticks with Melanie sitting in the passenger seat and taking control of the music and Quinn glaring mutinously in the backseat. Parking up, Rachel leapt out of the driver's seat then hurried round the other side to help Mel out, leaving Quinn to exit the vehicle on her own. Entering the restaurant, the trio found themselves a table and Rachel slipped into the seat beside Puck's sister leaving Quinn to take a seat opposite them.

"Wow, I'm super hungry," Rachel commented scanning through the menu. _Really hungry, I feel like I could order everything on the menu and eat it. Being in the body of a teenage male has really increased my appetite._

"Can I have bacon?" Mel asked.

"Of course not, we're Jewish," Rachel responded. "Select yourself a nice healthy vegetarian meal."

"You suck, Noah," Mel grumbled just as Quinn cleared her throat to gain Rachel's attention.

"As lovely as it is to see your sister again," Quinn said with a forced and obviously false smile (one that Mel returned with equal falseness), "I had hoped tonight would be just the two of us," she reached a hand across the table to rest upon one of Rachel's, "you know, alone."

"Well Melanie begged me to let her come," Rachel lied.

"No I didn't," Mel spoke up, "he begged me. He's even paying me twenty dollars because he didn't want to be alone with you."

"What?" Quinn asked with an angry glare in Mel's direction before turning to Rachel with hurt sparkling in her eyes. "Why not?"

"Well, I just… you see the thing is…" Rachel searched for something to say that wouldn't be completely insensitive to Quinn's feelings.

"He probably doesn't find you attractive anymore now that you've got so many stretch marks," Mel sniggered and Rachel shot her a disapproving stare that went ignored.

"You're a very pretty girl, Quinn," Rachel told the blonde honestly, holding the girl's hand in what she hoped came across as a purely platonic gesture, "and I want us to be friends, but I don't think we should date. I'm not good boyfriend material. So let's just have a nice friendly meal together and leave it at that."

"Ok," Quinn replied with a sigh but Rachel sensed that the calm reaction was down to Mel's presence and that the dramatics would take place another time when the younger girl wasn't around.

XXX

Later that evening, Rachel seated herself in the Puckerman living room and pulled out a selection of books to get started on some homework assignments. She was part way through an essay when Nora mentioned that she was going to do the washing up.

"Oh, let me help you," Rachel offered setting her pen down and following Puck's mother to the kitchen. "Is something wrong?" She asked while scrubbing at a frying pan as the woman stared at her in astonishment.

"You're very different these days, Noah," Nora commented, "I'm starting to worry about you."

"Relax," Rachel replied setting the frying pan on the draining board for Nora to dry and put away. "Your concern for my wellbeing is touching but unnecessary."

"You're even talking different," Nora stated.

_Oops_, Rachel thought as she rinsed off a plate.

"I'm just trying to be a better person, mama," Rachel said, "the kind of son you can be proud of. I'm actually attending all of my classes," _apart from gym, I refuse to engage in ferocious sports with smelly teenage boys and I certainly don't want to be anywhere near a high school boy's locker room. Kurt has told me some horrifying stories about that place_. "I'm studying hard and doing all my homework so I can improve my grades and just generally trying to be nicer to people. I know my past behaviour has afforded me a bad reputation but I want to change the negative opinion people have of me. I want to show that I'm capable of being so much more than the high school bad boy because Noah Puckerman is so much more than that. He really is. I mean… I really am. I, me, I'm better than that. I just want to make you proud."

"You do make me proud, Noah," Nora replied stepping in to hug the body of her son.

_Wow, clearly I delivered a perfectly convincing speech_, Rachel thought to herself,_ I knew I could pretend to be Noah Puckerman successfully when I really put my mind to it. He's definitely going to thank me for this once we're back in our proper bodies_. Slap! _Ow!_

"Ow!" Rachel exclaimed out loud as Nora smacked her across the face.

"Now I love you Noah, but if you expect me to believe a word of what you've just said then you must think I'm really stupid," Nora snapped as she folded her arms across her chest. "Don't talk to me again until you're ready to tell the truth. I'll finish up here." She pushed Rachel away from the sink and took over the chore of washing up.

Feeling hurt on Puck's behalf, Rachel headed back to the living-room to continue with her homework.

"Are you ok, Noah?" Mel asked gently and Rachel realised she must have looked really miserable to inspire genuine sympathy from Puck's sister.

"No, no I'm not," Rachel admitted as her shoulders sagged in defeat. "Oh Melanie, I hate being a boy," Rachel sobbed unable to stop herself. Abandoning her homework, she stood up and ran to Puck's room.

She had been crying into Puck's pillows for maybe thirty seconds when there was a soft knock on the bedroom door.

"Come in," she called tearfully and Mel stepped through.

"Hey Noah, did anyone ever tell you that you run like a girl?" Mel asked referring to the way Rachel had run from the living-room.

"Well… I… I'm just upset," Rachel answered lamely.

"Yeah, you must be," Mel commented, "because I've never once seen you run like that. You're the fastest most masculine guy on the football field, but just now you were running like a little girl. I haven't heard you sneak out late at night recently, you don't play your guitar anymore, you're not eating waffles, you're being way too nice to me and tonight you could have had sex with Quinn Fabray but instead you've been doing homework, washing up and now you're crying. You're not fooling anyone big brother. Something's definitely wrong."

"Oh Melanie," Rachel sighed, "absolutely everything is wrong and I have no idea how to fix it."

"So tell me, maybe I can help," Mel shrugged.

"I don't think so," Rachel replied shaking her head, "you wouldn't even believe me if I told you what was going on."

"Try me," Mel challenged.

"Very well," Rachel responded drying her eyes and sitting up straight, "my name is Rachel Berry and I am currently trapped inside the body of one Noah Puckerman while he is trapped in mine."

"That sounds insane," Mel chuckled.

"I knew you wouldn't believe me," Rachel sniffed.

"Let me borrow your phone," Mel demanded and Rachel handed it over. Taking her brother's phone, Mel searched through the contacts looking for the name Rachel. "You don't even have Rachel's number."

"It's under the name Barbara," Rachel explained.

"Oh," Mel replied scrolling back up and dialling Barbara's number. She listened to it ring and a short while later a female voice answered with a bored 'yeah what'. "Hey Noah," Mel greeted.

"Hey sis what's up," came the reply, "oh shit, I mean… hello, you've reached the contact number for Rachel Berry, future Broadway star, how may I help you?"

"Haha, you have girl parts," Mel laughed down the phone before hanging up and handing the phone back to Rachel. "I still say this is insane, but weird as it is, I believe you."

XXX

After spending an entire Friday night and Saturday morning in Kurt's company, Puck returned to the Berry household, practically skipping into the kitchen to prepare himself a snack.

"I know that smile," Leroy commented teasingly as he watched Puck waltz around the kitchen, "been spending time with Finn I see."

"What do you mean?" Puck asked, just managing to stop himself from grunting out a 'huh' in response.

"You always have that dreamy school-girl love-struck look on your face after a date with Finn," Leroy said before making childish kissing faces.

"Actually, I'll have you know that my time was spent with…" Puck trailed off before he could mention Kurt's name. His mind registered the words Rachel's dad had said. _Dreamy school-girl love-struck look. But I've been hanging out with Kurt, why the hell would I be love-struck over that?_

"Rachel?" Leroy prompted looking at Puck expectantly when he failed to complete his sentence.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," Puck shrugged grabbing himself a drink to go with his monster sized sandwich.

"Are you really going to eat that?" Leroy asked with raised eyebrows.

"Of course," Puck answered instead of saying 'hell yeah'.

"Ok, well Funny Girl's about to start, come join us." Leroy said as he returned to the living room.

_Funny Girl? Sounds like a comedy, I guess I can tolerate that. I hope it's about a hot chick, that'll help me stop thinking about Kurt. Not that I am thinking about another dude. I'm not even thinking about those nice jeans that he wears. Seriously, I'm not._

Joining Rachel's dads in the living-room, Puck watched the screen and it didn't take him too long to realise he was watching a film starring Barbara Streisand. _This movie sucks,_ Puck thought. _I wonder what Kurt's up to_. Slipping his pink mobile phone out of his mini-skirt pocket, Puck tapped out a text to Kurt and waited impatiently to receive a message back. The reply came swiftly, complete with a smiley face and three kisses on the end of the text. Ignoring the movie, Puck focused his attention on texting Kurt, assuring himself that it wasn't at all gay to put kisses on the end of the texts he sent back to the other boy. _It's totally something Rachel would do; I'm just doing my best to play the part_. However, he completely ignored the text he received from Finn as well as rejecting the boy's phone call.

"Rachel, is everything ok, sweetie?" Hiram asked after the movie had finished.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Puck shrugged before re-reading a particularly amusing text message from Kurt.

"You seem a little distracted," Hiram said, "you didn't even pay any attention to one of your favourite movies."

"Oh well, I've just seen it so many times that's all," Puck replied.

"Rachel," Hiram coaxed, "why don't you tell us what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, dads," Puck answered tucking his long hair behind his ears and setting his phone on the arm of the chair, his thoughts still straying to Kurt. "I just… when you fall in love with someone, is it all about looks or is it about personality?"

"Usually it's both," Leroy said. "Initial attraction is often a purely physical thing, but feelings and emotions develop based on personality."

"But what if you aren't attracted to somebody straight away?" Puck asked. "Could you still end up liking them when you learn more about their personality?"

"Of course," Hiram answered, "and when you start liking somebody for their personality you usually start to appreciate their physical attributes in ways you didn't before."

_Kurt does have a great ass, such pretty expressive eyes, good lips, nice neck, cute nose_.

"What if you become attracted to a person the same gender as you?" Puck asked keeping his eyes averted from the two men. "Does that definitely mean you're gay?"

"Not necessarily," Hiram replied, "sometimes kids your age go through stages of curiosity and confusion."

"It really depends how you feel about the person," Leroy continued. "I always thought Judy Garland was a remarkable beauty but I never felt any romantic or sexual desire for her. I simply appreciated the fact she was a good-looking lady. Being able to recognise that somebody is attractive doesn't mean you're attracted to them in that way yourself. That Glee Coach of yours, Mr. Schuester, he's a gorgeous man," Hiram glared, "but most certainly not my type."

"So, if I found another girl to be beautiful it doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian?" Puck asked furrowing his brows at what was possibly the most peculiar question he had ever asked.

"Not at all," Hiram answered.

"But what if I found myself falling for a girl's personality?" Puck asked. "What does that mean?"

The two Berry men looked to one another and Puck found himself squirming in his seat.

"Rachel, do you think you might be a lesbian?" Leroy asked gently.

"I'm not really sure," Puck answered. _I'm in a chick's body and possibly crushing on Kurt Hummel. Does that make me gay? Or do I still count as straight because I have a fucking vagina? I'm not even sure if I actually like the guy. Maybe I'm just appreciating his pert little ass or whatever._

"You know we'll always love and support you, Rachel, no matter what." Hiram said.

"Um, yeah, I guess." Puck replied. "Can I ask Kurt to stay over tonight?"

"Of course," Leroy permitted and Puck had already picked his phone up to invite Kurt round for a sleepover.

XXX

_What am I doing? This is ridiculous, _Puck thought to himself as he stood in Rachel's bedroom, studying his appearance in the mirror. Kurt was already on his way over for their sleepover and Puck was worrying over what to wear and how to do his make-up. He knew he wanted to look good for Kurt but he was still confused as to why. _It doesn't even matter how I look, I'm a freaking chick. Kurt's never gonna be into me when I don't even have a penis._

Applying a coat of red gloss to his lips, Puck twirled round in front of the mirror, trying to see how he looked from all angles. The skirt was incredibly short and really showed off Rachel's wonderful legs. The white blouse was tied up in a Britney Spears fashion showing off a lot of Rachel's flat tummy and it was tight enough to emphasize the little breasts the Jewish girl had. _I wish these were bigger. Wait, no, it doesn't matter. Kurt likes dudes and dudes are supposed to have flat chests. This is good, just relax._ The front door bell rang and Puck hurried down to answer it, knowing that it must be Kurt.

"Well hello, Kurt Hummel, so pleased you could make it," Puck greeted flirtatiously as he stood back so the boy could enter.

"The pleasures all mine, Miss Berry," Kurt responded pressing a kiss to Puck's cheek.

_I'm totally not blushing,_ Puck assured himself as he led Kurt up the stairs, swinging his hips more than necessary in a way that Santana usually did. _I wonder if he's looking up my skirt._ Sneaking a glance behind him, Puck was disappointed to find that Kurt wasn't even admiring his legs let alone looking up his skirt.

XXX

Together on Rachel's bed, Puck and Kurt were watching movies. On occasion, Kurt would offer a sarcastic remark about some aspect of the movie and Puck would laugh perhaps just a little too enthusiastically. As the minutes ticked by, Puck casually inched closer to Kurt and twined their feet together giving the feeble excuse that his feet were cold. His 'cold' excuse resulted in Kurt climbing on top of him, so his front was pressed into Puck's back.

"Is that warmer?" Kurt laughed.

"I like it better when I'm on top," Puck replied hoping to make Rachel's voice sound seductive as he flipped them over then straddled Kurt's waist.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked, his voice torn between amusement and confusion.

"I dunno," Puck shrugged lowering his body down, his breasts pressing against Kurt's torso. "You have really pretty eyes," he commented staring into Kurt's beautiful irises as he lightly cupped the boy's cheek.

"Um, thank you," Kurt responded, his voice only holding confusion this time.

_Would it really be so gay if I kissed him? _Puck wondered as he gazed thoughtfully at Kurt's parted lips. _Just to see if I'd like it_.

He gave it deep consideration, but he didn't quite have the nerve to carry it through. So instead of kissing Kurt, Puck tickled the boy's ribs. As he'd predicted, the touch made Kurt gasp and wriggle beneath him. Laughing, Puck kept it up and tickled Kurt some more, deliberately grinding down against Kurt as he did so, the other boy bucking up against him as he squealed breathlessly from the tickle attack.

_Just do it,_ Puck encouraged himself, _do it now. Just close your eyes and kiss him_. Eyes falling shut, Puck bent down only to be shoved unceremoniously off the bed. Looking back to Kurt, he found the boy looked paler than usual and wasn't making eye-contact.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but I think I should probably go," Kurt said moving off the bed and collecting up his things.

"What? But we were having such a lovely time. Don't go," Puck begged.

"Rachel, what the hell is going on?" Kurt asked and he didn't look too impressed. "What was… that?" He asked gesturing to the bed.

"A tickle fight," Puck shrugged suddenly feeling awkward.

"I have to go," Kurt said, "I can show myself out."

"Damn it," Puck hissed once the boy had gone. He collapsed onto his back on Rachel's bed and soon noticed that his pussy was incredibly wet.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	9. Boys Cry Too

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone, sorry to keep you waiting**

**There really isn't enough Kurt in this chapter = (**

**And there really isn't enough of Puck or Kurt on the show in my opinion, but as a PucKurt fan I guess I'm biased**

**Anyway, enjoy = )**

**Chapter 9-Boy's Cry Too:**

For what was probably the first time ever, Puck arrived to school ridiculously early. He was so early that not even the staff had arrived, only the janitor who let him in, his eyes lingering far too much for Puck's liking. Feeling exposed in the mini-skirt he was wearing, he quickly strode away from the janitor who he was sure was perving over Rachel's body. He shuddered at the thought of the creepy janitor; equally creepy memories returning to him of the time Sandy Ryerson had tried to touch him in the showers of the boys' locker room.

Slowly, teachers turned up and headed to their classrooms or to the staff room. Then gradually students began to appear and Puck waited impatiently by Kurt's locker, desperate to speak to the boy who hadn't responded to any of his texts since he had walked out of the Berry household. He fully understood why Kurt had freaked out. Even though he wasn't well educated on the whole gay thing he knew that any gay guy would be uncomfortable if a female friend tried to kiss them. Puck felt foolish for his behaviour and only hoped he hadn't just ruined the real Rachel's friendship with the gay teen who he knew to be the girl's best friend. Being the annoying control freak she was, Rachel didn't make friends very easily. And as he had a weird affection for the girl himself, he didn't want to be responsible for her losing her best friend. He had to make things ok with Kurt for Rachel's sake if nothing else.

Finally, the boy on Puck's mind appeared in the hallway, strutting through the crowds with his head held high. Somewhat nervously, Puck raised his hand to wave to Kurt, uncertain as to how his fellow Glee Clubber may react. As it happened, Kurt's jaw seemed to tighten and he dropped his gaze before greeting Puck with a very stiff 'hello, Rachel'. The less than friendly tone to Kurt's voice made Puck's heart sink and an uncomfortable sensation began to bubble in his stomach.

"Hey Kurt," Puck replied, Rachel's voice holding far too much enthusiasm than what Puck actually felt. "I love your outfit today," he complimented, "that sweater's really cute," he smiled hoping that appealing to Kurt's love of fashion would help make things ok again.

"While I appreciate the compliment I'm not so sure I care for the intentions behind it," Kurt said and he still wasn't making eye-contact.

"Intentions?" Puck repeated hoping to sound innocently clueless.

"Do not try and play the innocent act on me," Kurt warned, "you know what I'm talking about."

"Kurt, please," Puck begged as Kurt grabbed his books from his locker and made to walk away, "just let me explain. Not here," he added looking round at the people surrounding them, "somewhere private."

"Fine, meet me in the choir room for morning break," Kurt instructed before stalking away and this time Puck just watched him go.

Turning round, Puck started walking down the corridor only to have Jacob Ben-Israel block his path. Before he could insult the dweeb as he usually did, an unexpected flash of light made him feel a little disoriented. Spectrums of colour burst behind his eyelids from having Jacob take an up-close photo of his face and it made his vision blur for a few seconds.

"Get out of my way," Puck snapped at the frizzy haired boy.

"You are the living version of my every wet-dream fantasy," Jacob commented dreamily and Puck roughly shoved the boy away from him feeling highly repulsed.

Speedily walking away from Jacob, Puck found himself running into Rachel. He stepped up to meet her, taking the time to give an appreciative squeeze to his muscular arms she was currently borrowing, before simply stating that he'd messed up and needed help.

"Oh no," Rachel said as her eyes filled with dread, "you didn't try waxing down there did you?" she asked in an alarmed whisper.

"Ew, no," Puck replied scrunching his face up in disgust, "it's Kurt. He's… I… things are just a giant ball of suck right now."

"Tell me what happened," Rachel demanded lightly as she steered him into the space under the stairs where they were out of sight and hopefully wouldn't be heard.

"I invited him to stay over at your house," Puck told her and Rachel's face remained blank as she waited for him to continue his explanation. "We were watching some dumb movie and I… um… nothing actually happened. And I totally never meant to make things… awkward or… it wasn't even my fault. He's the one strutting around in those skin-tight jeans showing off that hot little ass of his. Look I wasn't even thinking… I just… I thought maybe… I mean I wanted… I was an idiot," he groaned.

"You think Kurt has a hot little ass?" Rachel questioned and Puck squirmed in embarrassment before nervously twirling his long hair around his finger, a trait that was fast becoming a habit for him since being in the Jewish girl's body. "Noah, did you try and put the moves on my best gay while in my body?"

"Um, sorta," Puck shrugged and Rachel rolled her eyes before shaking her head in disbelief. "I just really wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him," he mumbled defensively.

"You can not kiss Kurt Hummel, Noah," Rachel told him, "at least not while you're in my body. I'm a girl and I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who happens to be the step-brother of the boy whose buttocks you have come to admire. Now, obviously I am honoured that you have chosen me to share this piece of information with and I look forward to helping you adjust and accept your true sexuality of which I am fully supportive… but for now you are going to have to resist temptation."

"Whoa, what do you mean about accepting my true sexuality?" Puck asked her. "I didn't say I was gay."

"But you kissed Kurt," Rachel remarked.

"No, I didn't kiss him, nothing happened," Puck corrected.

"Fine, but you _tried _to kiss him, or at least thought about it," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I thought about it, but that doesn't mean anything," Puck replied. "I might not have even liked kissing him so I might not be gay at all. The little bitch pushed me off the bed and then went home before I could actually… experiment."

"This type of confusion is perfectly understandable," Rachel said knowingly, "I shall of course help you through this every step of the way."

"I don't need your help, I'll figure this gay shit out on my own," Puck said dismissively, "what I need is for you to help me fix things with Kurt. He's your best friend and I might have totally wrecked that for you. He said he'll meet me during break so we're gonna talk then but I have no idea what I'm gonna say."

"Maybe you could tell him the truth," Rachel suggested.

"The truth?" Puck repeated. "As in, the actual truth? Are you insane? Nobody's gonna believe us if we say we're in each other's bodies."

"Your sister did," Rachel told him.

"Shit," Puck swore remembering the very quick phone call, "I've been stressing over Kurt so much I forgot about that. How the hell did Mel figure it out? Did you tell her?"

"She noticed how I'd been acting different," Rachel explained, "unfortunately I'm not as convincing as I'd like to be when pretending to be you. I'm not sure if anyone is truly fooled by my performance. Everybody seems to be suspicious that something is wrong with you, or me, or both of us. So I confided in Melanie that I was going through a troublesome time. She asked what was going on and I said she wouldn't believe me but I told her anyway. She said it sounded insane, which it honestly is, but she believed it."

"She would," Puck chuckled, "she thinks Hogwarts and aliens are real and she always checks the wardrobes thinking that maybe one day it'll take her to Narnia."

"Is it ok that I told her?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I guess it's cool," Puck sighed, "you know, since I tried hitting on your best friend. Seriously, babe, what am I gonna say to him? My sister believing we're stuck in each other's bodies is one thing, but I don't think Kurt's gonna be so easily persuaded."

"You're right, he won't be," Rachel agreed. "When you speak to him today, just trust your heart," Rachel advised, "You'll know what to say. I'd better get to class."

"Trust my heart?" Puck repeated to himself once Rachel had left. "What the fuck? That won't help."

XXX

He was so anxious to get to the choir room and talk to Kurt that Puck opted to leave class early. As he stepped into the choir room, he felt a fraction calmer even though he still had no idea what he would say to Kurt. Taking up his beloved guitar that was currently living in the choir room, Puck draped it over his slim shoulders and began to play. The familiarity of his fingers running over the strings helped sooth his nerves even though they failed to offer advice for how to handle the Kurt situation. He was just strumming out a slightly more complicated melody when Kurt arrived.

"You're getting pretty good at that thing," Kurt commented, though the compliment lacked any kind of warmth, "almost as good as Puck."

Hearing his name, Puck blinked in shock and stared intently at Kurt, wondering if the boy had figured out who he really was. However, there was nothing in Kurt's eyes to suggest he knew the truth. The boy had merely been making a statement.

"Thanks for coming," Puck said carefully setting his guitar aside, "it means a lot that you're willing to hear me out."

"Just tell me what's going on, Rachel," Kurt ordered while inspecting his cuticles.

"Nothing's going on," Puck mumbled smoothing out his skirt.

"Don't lie to me," Kurt replied with an annoyed sigh, "I know you Rachel, and your recent behaviour is not the same girl I came to be friends with. You're different," he said with a tone that was almost accusing.

"People change," Puck pointed out, "we grow up and mature and learn from life's experiences. Everybody changes, Kurt, for better or for worse."

"People can grow up and develop, but they don't completely change," Kurt argued. "You still look like Rachel and you sound like Rachel, but right now it doesn't feel like you're actually her. If I didn't know any better I might think that somebody else was inhabiting your body."

_That's exactly what's going on, _Puck thought.

"Explain to me about what happened at your house," Kurt commanded.

"Nothing happened," Puck answered, "we were having fun and then you abruptly decided to leave."

"Rachel, you know exactly what I'm talking about so don't pretend otherwise," Kurt snapped with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I just…" Puck tried to say something more but words failed to escape from his throat. He simply stood where he was with his mouth half-open.

"Very well, let me take control of the conversation," Kurt said, "you tried to… kiss me," he visibly winced at the memory and Puck felt horribly embarrassed. "What could possibly posses you to do such a thing? I'm gay Rachel in case you'd forgotten, and perhaps I should remind you that you are in fact dating my step-brother. Finn Hudson, remember him? Tall, jock, hopeless dancer, eats like a horse and plays the drums. A boy you've been very much obsessed with for so long only to suddenly not caring about at all. You haven't spent any time with Finn lately; you haven't even kissed him or forced the Glee Club to endure yet another performance of a sickly love duet. Now stop looking at the carpet and tell me just what in the name of Prada is going on in your Barbara Streisand mind."

"I just… I was testing something, for a friend," Puck responded awkwardly.

"Testing what precisely?" Kurt asked not looking at all satisfied with Puck's feeble excuse.

"Um, that you're really… you know… I was just making sure that you were gay," Puck answered, _damn it, I usually lie way better than this, why do I have to suck so bad right now? Fuck, he looks pissed and kinda hurt. I don't like him looking at me like that. Shit, I'm making things worse, quick, think of something… anything_. "Somebody asked me to make sure that you definitely liked boys because… because my friend thinks he might like you but… but he isn't sure because he's only ever dated girls in the past so… so all these new feelings are scary and confusing. Since he's suddenly developing an interest in you after only being interested in girls for so long, he was… he was concerned that maybe you only thought that you liked boys because you just hadn't considered girls before. So my friend asked me to try and kiss you to test if you'd accept my advances." _Well, some of that bullshit is kinda true I guess_. "Look, I'm sorry if I freaked you out at the weekend. I was just trying to help my friend. He really, really likes you and I for one would be fully supportive if the two of you entered into a relationship."

"Rachel," Kurt sighed, "I highly doubt that this 'friend'" he made air quotations with his fingers as he said the word, "of yours truly has a romantic interest in me. He's probably playing a cruel prank and he's using you to get to me and make me think that he's genuinely interested just so he can then humiliate me or beat me up or something else horrible."

"What? No, it isn't like that, he really does like you, I promise," Puck insisted feeling completely awful about the fact Kurt thought the idea of someone being interested in him to be so ludicrous.

"Your judgement of character isn't very reassuring," Kurt replied, "you trusted Jesse after all."

"This guy isn't like that Jesse creep," Puck said, _oops, Rachel would never call Jesse that. Kurt's giving me a suspicious look. Damn, just keep talking before he can question you about it_. "My friend really likes you, Kurt. He wants to date you and hold your hand in the school halls so that everybody knows you're together. He's just a little bit shy about the idea of asking you out. He hasn't told people he's gay yet because he's not as brave as you, but he really does want to take you out and just see if something could happen between you two. But he's just worried that if he asked you out you'd laugh in his face."

"Who is he?" Kurt asked impassively and Puck couldn't tell if the other boy believed someone was truly interested him or not.

"I… I shouldn't be the one to tell you that," Puck answered, "if I told you who he was then I'd be outing him before he's ready. He should be allowed to come out and ask you on a date in his own time. Just… when he does work up the courage to ask you out, give him a chance. He may not be what you're expecting or even the type of guy you'd be interested in dating but… don't write him off straight away. Please give him a chance to rock your world."

"Maybe I'll consider it," Kurt replied, his tone of voice still giving no clues as to what he was really thinking.

"So, are we ok now Kurt?" Puck asked tentatively. "You're my best friend; I couldn't stand it if I've messed that up."

"Come here, you," Kurt smiled holding his arms out and Puck let out a relieved breath as he stepped into Kurt's embrace. "I may well be an honorary girl, but you Miss Berry are a complete mystery to me."

_I know how you feel dude_, Puck thought.

"Come on, let's get to class," Kurt said linking their arms together and leading the way out, "and try and spend more time with Finn. He's starting to sulk around the house wondering what he's done wrong to upset you."

XXX

The next couple of days at school proved to be tense and emotional for Puck and Rachel both. Although Puck was trying his best to keep things appropriate with Kurt so as not to affect Rachel's friendship with the boy, it was a very difficult thing to do. His confused feelings for the countertenor seemed to be intensifying and the fact that Kurt still seemed wary and guarded with him at certain moments made Puck more upset than he'd like to admit. He had also been making the effort to keep Rachel's relationship with Finn alive. He tried to spend more time in Finn's company and made sure to hold his hand in the hallways but he still refused to kiss him. Puck knew that the longer he went without kissing Finn, the more suspicious people would get, but he couldn't bring himself to lock lips with the drummer just to keep up appearances. Puck had never kissed a boy before and he very much wanted his first kiss to go to Kurt Hummel.

As for Rachel, her attempts at behaving like Puck were still abysmal, but she realised that if she simply went about her day with her head down and keeping quiet that nobody would pay enough attention to guess that anything was wrong. It seemed it was easy for Rachel to blend in and just be a face in the crowd. There were still uncomfortable moments with Quinn. The blonde girl seemed adamant and sometimes desperate that she and 'Puck' would get back together. Rachel tried to be kind with her every rejection but it seemed that every time she said no to Quinn the more determined the other girl became.

So she had taken to avoiding her as much as possible. Things were much easier at the Puckerman household now that Melanie knew the truth. Apparently, the younger girl had always wanted a sister so Rachel being trapped in Puck's body was a wonderful gift in Mel's eyes. As they were spending more time together it also gave Rachel the opportunity to experience what it was like to have a sibling rather than being an only child. Although she was enjoying Mel's company, she was missing her two dads terribly and more often than not she would find herself gazing longingly at Finn, wanting to kiss and hug him but knowing she was not able to. And while she was getting used to Puck's penis dangling between her legs she was desperate to be back in her own body.

At school one lunch time, Rachel opted to eat alone in the choir room only to find that Puck was already there playing on his guitar.

"Hey Noah," she greeted taking a seat and unwrapping her sandwich that had been cut into the shape of a star.

"Hey babe, what's up?" Puck asked setting his guitar back in its case and snatching up a bag of cheesy flavoured chips.

"Very little," Rachel sighed and Puck dropped into the seat beside her, waiting for the girl to elaborate on whatever was on her mind. "No disrespect to your body, Noah, it _is _lovely and muscular and I must admit that Puckzilla is a wonder to behold but… I am just so fed up of being in your body."

"Yeah, I'm not having much fun either," Puck admitted. "At first, it was just weird and crazy but then it was sort of ok. I liked hanging with Kurt and getting to know him you know. But now… for the first time, I think I'm starting to realise who I really am and who I wanna be but I can't be it because I'm stuck pretending to be you. Our situation blows."

"Agreed," Rachel nodded, "sometimes it feels like I'm not even really living. Things are easier at your house now that Melanie knows but school-life is still a struggle. I used to be able to come in and walk right up to Finn and kiss him if I wanted to, but I can't do that now. And I miss my dads and I miss Kurt and Mercedes and Tina. I just miss being me. The only people who really bother to talk to me are Artie, Brittany and Santana. Then there's Quinn who keeps demanding that we start dating and it seems that every time I reject her the more she wants to be with you. Only right now, it's not you, it's me."

"Haha, I'd love to see the look on Q's face if she knew it was really you she was hitting on," Puck teased.

"I'm doing the right thing by turning her down aren't I?" Rachel asked. "I mean, you don't want to get back with her right? You like Kurt now."

"Yeah, it's really weird but I like him a lot," Puck said twirling his hair around his finger. "I think if we dated that he'd bring out the best in me, you know. But I need my body back first. And then I'd need to convince him to actually give me a chance."

"Well when we're back in our proper bodies I'll help you," Rachel told him with a smile, "I know that Kurt feels unbearably lonely sometimes. A very special person like him deserves to be loved. It isn't right that he's alone while the rest of us can just jump from one relationship to another. He may deliver some sharp insults and cold remarks a lot of the time but really he's a hopeless romantic with such a big heart and so much love to offer. Just like you, Noah."

"Nah, I'm nothing special," Puck denied with a shake of his head.

"Yes you are," Rachel insisted.

"You're sweet," Puck smiled draping an arm around her and resting his head on her shoulder, "but I doubt many people would agree with you. Especially Kurt. I used to be such a jerk to him; he probably thinks I'm a Lima Loser not worthy of breathing the same air as him. If I asked him out he'd laugh in my face."

"I'm sure he wouldn't," Rachel said, "you've worked your charms on countless girls, Noah; you can win over Kurt's affections too."

"I don't know, I'm not so good with romance when it comes to people I really like," Puck commented. "I'm still not even one hundred percent sure that this means I'm actually gay. I mean, I definitely wanna get to know Kurt better and see if something could happen there, but I don't know if it's just Kurt that I like or if it's dudes in general."

"You'll figure it out," Rachel assured him, "it doesn't really matter anyway. There's no need to force a label upon yourself. You should just be who you are and be proud of it. And for what its worth I think you and Kurt could create something very beautiful together. Even as we speak I'm listing songs in my head that the two of you could perform as a duet."

"I'd like to sing with my boy," Puck grinned.

"Already thinking of him as yours I see," Rachel teased and Puck turned his head so his hair would hide his blush. "I miss singing with Finn," Rachel sighed, "I don't think I've ever gone so long without performing with him. Even when we weren't dating we still sung together. Before this body-swap debacle, things were becoming more and more serious between Finn and I. We were starting to discuss the idea of being physically intimate with one another. I had just started to feel ready to go all the way with him and then I woke up with a penis."

"Well, at least our bodies didn't swap while you guys were doing the nasty," Puck pointed out hoping to cheer her up. Upon hearing his words, Rachel let out a small chuckle that morphed into a sob before she burst into tears. "Oh crap, um, there, there," Puck comforted patting her on the back.

"I'm sorry for being so emotional," Rachel sobbed wiping at her tears, "I just miss my dads so much and Finn… I really love him and not being able to be with him right now makes it feel like there's a hand crushing my heart. Yet at the same time I feel so angry at him for not realising that you're not me and that I'm really in here, in your body. We love each other, shouldn't he be able to look at you in my body and just _know _that it isn't me in there. I feel like he should see past the physical exterior and realise that it's not my heart or my soul living inside it."

"Rachel, babe, come on," Puck soothed, "there's no way someone could just work that out. If it was Finn stuck in someone else's body you wouldn't notice either. Cut the guy some slack, it isn't his fault."

"It's not," Rachel agreed, "I know it's not, but I still feel so angry about this entire situation."

"Hey, come on, it'll be alright," Puck assured her, "we'll work this thing out. I'll take care of it," he promised pulling her into a hug. "It's gonna be ok," he said gently running a hand through Rachel's mohawk before kissing her on the cheek.

"What is this?" A voice interrupted and the two Jews broke from their embrace to turn and face Quinn.

_Oh fuck_, Puck thought while Rachel gulped.

"Her, Puck, her?" Quinn asked glaring at Rachel and pointing at Puck.

"I, no, I… we were just," Rachel tried to explain.

"Save it," Quinn interrupted and Rachel fell silent, "at least now I know why you don't want to be with me. I can't believe you have the nerve to put Finn through this again after how badly we hurt him."

"Hey, it's not like that," Puck defended, "Noah was just upset and I was comforting him."

"Oh I bet you were," Quinn retorted accusingly.

"Quinn, please, this isn't what you think," Rachel said almost pleadingly, worried that the other girl might run and tell Finn that she was cheating with Puck when she truly wasn't.

"Really?" Quinn asked in disbelief. "Because it looks to me like Man-Hands is fooling around with you behind Finn's back. I only hope that the two of you haven't been complete idiots and created another teen pregnancy scandal."

"I'm not pregnant," Puck replied, "and I'm not cheating on Finn," _I'm not even dating Finn_, "I was just comforting Noah because he… he…" _come on Rachel, help me out here_.

"Quinn, I'm gay," Rachel blurted out and Quinn's mouth fell open. _Oh no, I shouldn't have said that, it isn't fair to Noah. I'll have to sing him a stunning emotional solo as an apology. But right now I have to deal with Quinn and hope she doesn't tell anyone. _

"W-what?" Quinn asked obviously startled by what Rachel had told her.

"For a little while now Noah has been dealing with some heavy confusion about his sexuality," Puck answered fiddling with his long hair out of nervousness. Rachel's admission on his behalf was really the first time he'd 'come out' even though it wasn't technically him right now. It was still his body and who people believed to be Puck so Quinn's reaction to the news of his homosexuality had him very nervous. "As I have two gay dads I'm sort of an expert on the matter so naturally he confided in me."

"But… but you've slept with nearly every female in Lima," Quinn said staring at Rachel in absolute confusion, "we had a baby together."

"And Santana's slept with nearly every _male_ in Lima," Puck pointed out, "but everyone knows what's really going on with her and Brittany. If Santana slept with countless guys before realising and accepting that she was in love with another girl is it really so surprising that Noah could discover he's actually gay after being with so many women?" _Wow, thinking of things that way makes so much more sense. That chick always said we were like twins so if Santana's a lesbian then of course I'm gay. _

"I don't know what to say," Quinn admitted still staring at Rachel.

_At least she doesn't look disgusted,_ Puck thought to himself watching Quinn stare at Rachel. _And she's not damning me to hell or saying she hates me. She just looks shocked which is understandable. But is she gonna tell anyone?_

"Well Quinn, as my friend," Rachel said, "I hope that you can say you support me and still love me for who I really am." _Please Quinn,_ Rachel silently begged, _please say you support him. Noah needs your acceptance. If you don't show him support now he may never have the courage to come out and ask Kurt on a date. Come on, Quinn; please show Noah you support him, please. He needs this._

Slowly, Quinn stepped nearer to Rachel who nervously waited for her to say something while an even more nervous Puck looked on. Standing in front of Rachel, Quinn looked up at her and brought a hand up to rest on Rachel's cheek. For one tense second, Puck had thought Quinn was going to slap the girl in his body but she didn't.

"You're an idiot," Quinn commented running her thumb over Rachel's cheek before pulling her down into a hug and stroking her strip of hair. "You could have told me."

"So you don't… you don't hate me?" Rachel asked.

"I'm annoyed that you didn't just tell me," Quinn answered, "I feel so embarrassed now about how I've been throwing myself at you lately. But sweetie I don't hate you, don't be silly."

_Sweetie_, Puck repeated the term of endearment in his mind, _oh crap, Quinn's gonna insist on being my hag isn't she_.

"Well, Kurt has Mercedes as his hag, as well as Rachel," Quinn said with a nod of acknowledgement to Puck, "and whenever you're ready to come out publicly I will proudly be your very own hag," Quinn smiled.

"Thank you, Quinn, that sounds lovely," Rachel returned.

_Kill me_, Puck thought watching the two share a long hug.

"I'm here for you, Noah," Quinn said into Rachel's ear, "and after school we're totally going shopping and talking about boys."

"Can't wait," Rachel forced herself to say.

XXX

Later on in the school day, Rachel was heading to the library instead of attending Puck's gym class when she was hauled into the Janitor's closet. Before she had time to even blink she was being attacked with kisses. Panicking, Rachel flailed her arms about trying to fend off the mystery person kissing her. She managed to twist her face away for a moment before two large strong hands were forcing her back to her attacker's mouth before one hand dropped down to grope between Rachel's legs. Rachel whimpered into the kiss before the person assaulting her lips got annoyed with the lack of response and reached to flick the light on.

"You're so not turning me on right now, Sad-sack," Lauren complained.

"The feeling is more than mutual," Rachel replied wiping at her mouth, "you can't just pull people into closets like that. That is sexual harassment."

"Whatever Puckerman, do you want to get back together or not?" Lauren asked impatiently.

"No thank you," Rachel answered timidly.

"Your loss, sucker," Lauren replied uncaringly before leaving.

Rachel waited a few moments to calm down, feeling highly traumatised by what had just happened. The way Lauren had grabbed at her between her legs had actually been painful rather than arousing. It felt like the female wrestler was trying to break Puck's favourite appendage off rather than bring pleasure.

"You poor thing," Rachel commented sympathetically pushing down the jeans she was wearing to check that no damage had been done to Puck's penis.

Satisfied that Puckzilla was still able to roar, Rachel tucked herself away and righted her clothes before emerging from the closet. Rather than continuing on to the library as had been her original plan, she decided to head to the Nurse's office and lie down for a while.

However, she had just made herself comfortable on the Nurse's bed and closed her eyes for a light nap when she felt a hand settle on her thigh. Flinching at the touch, Rachel sat up straight to find herself face to face with the pretty Nurse.

"How is my favourite patient today?" She asked flirtatiously creeping her hand up closer to Puck's penis.

"Don't touch that!" Rachel yelped slapping the woman's hand away then hopping off the bed and hurrying out of the Nurse's office.

She ran away to the auditorium, somewhere she felt safe and sat on the edge of the stage. She hadn't been there long when she felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes. The whole situation of being stuck in Puck's body suddenly had Rachel feeling so hopeless and she curled into a foetal position on the stage as her borrowed body wracked with tears. She was feeling so miserable that she didn't hear footsteps of somebody approaching.

"Um, Puck, you ok dude?" Finn asked and Rachel jumped at the sound of her boyfriend's voice.

"Finn," she breathed out moving to sit on the stage edge again, "what are you doing here?" She asked.

"I had a free period and I was hoping to find Rachel here," Finn said, "I can't seem to find her today and I figured this is probably one of the places she'd choose to go."

_It is_, Rachel thought, _I'm here, Finn, you found me_.

"I think me and Rachel are having problems or something so I wanted to find her and talk, maybe sing her a song," Finn shrugged.

"That's a lovely idea, so romantic," Rachel replied tearfully.

"Um thanks," Finn said awkwardly, "seriously, are you ok, dude?"

"I'm fine, Finn, thank you," Rachel answered wiping away her tears, "will you sing for me?"

"Huh?" Finn responded dumbly.

"Sing for me," Rachel repeated, "I'd like to hear it. And it could be practice for when you sing to… to Rachel."

"Oh yeah, cool," Finn said heaving himself to sit on the stage beside Rachel. He started singing and Rachel's tears quickly dried as a smile formed on her face. She forgot all about her troubles and just cherished the fact she was sitting beside her boyfriend while he sang to her. Finn hadn't even reached the chorus of the song when Rachel, forgetting all about her condition, moved in to kiss him. "Dude, what the hell?" Finn yelled jumping away before their lips could meet.

"I… I…" Rachel stammered tears welling up in her eyes again. "I'm sorry," she sniffed before running out of the auditorium, leaving a confused and freaked out Finn behind.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	10. Jewish Polyjuice Potion

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing everybody**

**Lyrics are in BOLD**

**Song is from the Disney movie 'Tangled'**

**Chapter 10-Jewish Polyjuice Potion:**

It had been over a week since Rachel had moved in to kiss Finn while they were in the auditorium. For over a week, Rachel had been tense, her ears alert for any hint of gossip travelling between the students of McKinley High. She hadn't told Puck, or indeed anyone, about what had happened. Luckily, it seemed that Finn hadn't told anybody either. Occasionally the two would make eye-contact, but Finn would quickly look away again, his body shuddering slightly as though he were reliving the memory. Clearly, Finn was uncomfortable whenever he found himself in Rachel's presence. During one of their Glee rehearsals, Rachel had accidentally brushed arms with the boy while practicing the dance moves and Finn had paled before shifting away from her, shooting terrified looks to her every few seconds.

As for Quinn, she had been practically glued to Rachel's side ever since she 'came out' to the girl on Puck's behalf. Her constant company was overbearing at times but Rachel had to appreciate the high level of support Quinn was offering to Puck about his sexuality. She only wished that Puck could be the one to carry Quinn's shopping bags, tell her which outfits looked the cutest, gossip about boys and help design prom campaign posters months in advance.

"She's driving me crazy," Rachel complained to Puck, latching on to his arm as they entered the choir room together, "and she's invited me to her house Saturday night for a sleepover insisting that there's a boy in her neighbourhood that I simply have to meet."

"Wait what?" Puck asked.

"Apparently she knows this boy from church," Rachel answered, "and their families are good friends so they've known one another since they were very young. He doesn't go to our school but Quinn says she's ninety-eight percent sure that he's gay."

"You're letting her set my hot body up with some random church boy?" Puck hissed not at all pleased. "Rach, I like Kurt, you have to get out of this set up thing."

"I assure you that I tried," Rachel said, "but Quinn is stubborn and scary. Every time I try to say no to her she gives me an evil glare and threatens our little Puckzilla."

"Puckzilla is not little," Puck snapped feeling highly offended, "and he's not 'ours', he's just mine. Get your own dick, Berry."

"Did your mother never teach you to share?" Rachel asked disapprovingly with her hands on her hips.

"Oh, like you share all the solos you mean?" Puck retorted.

"Shut up," Rachel scowled before moving to take a seat just as Kurt and Mercedes made their way into the choir room.

The two fashion loving teens immediately sat down with Puck, the three of them making plans for a mall trip and musical movie marathon at the weekend. Sitting alone, Rachel listened in on their plans feeling envious that she wouldn't be able to join them.

The rest of the Glee Club made their way into the choir room, Quinn smiling widely as she moved to sit with Rachel.

"Hey sweetie," she greeted and Rachel nodded in acknowledgement. Ever since Quinn learned that 'Puck' was gay she had been calling Rachel 'sweetie'. "I just texted my friend a photo of you and he's already replied saying that you're totally hot and he can't wait to meet you," she whispered.

"Um, that's nice," Rachel replied awkwardly.

"I've also made some arrangements for us this Sunday," Quinn informed her.

"Arrangements?" Rachel questioned nervously.

"You and I will be babysitting," Quinn announced, "I had a chance run in with Shelby and I fixed it all up. Shelby's going to have the day to herself to just relax or do whatever she wants to do, and we will look after Beth. I know how much you miss her."

Hearing what Quinn had said, Puck turned his head to look at them, his eyes full of longing.

"Thank you, Quinn, that's really lovely," Rachel said, "It means so much to me. Maybe Rachel would like to come along too," she suggested looking to Puck with an encouraging smile, "Shelby is your mum after all and that sort of makes Beth your sister. You should spend time with her too; maybe even get her started on some vocal lessons."

"Sure, I'd love to," Puck answered, "It would be my pleasure to share my incredible talent with one so young. Maybe she'll even offer me the appreciation and adoration I really deserve that my fellow Glee Clubbers neglect to give me."

"Great, now we're gonna have a day stuck with Man-Hands," Quinn commented with a roll of her eyes. "I vote we make her change any dirty diapers."

_I really do have man hands_, Rachel thought with a sigh flexing out her fingers.

XXX

That Friday after school, Puck and Rachel met up at the Puckerman household with the intent on figuring out a way to solve their gender problem.

"It would seem that our situation is not going to correct itself," Rachel said pacing the length of the living-room while Puck lounged on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table as he watched the T.V. "We've been stuck this way for nearly a month now. I for one think its time to take action. As lovely as your body is, Noah, I really want my own body back. And I want to sing with my own voice again, have dinner with my dads, kiss Finn and even have to go on my tip-toes just to reach books on the top shelves in the library."

"I just wanna jack off," Puck shrugged.

"Think Noah, what can we do to get ourselves back in our own bodies?" Rachel asked him.

Puck grunted in response, his attention still on the T.V. Rolling her eyes, Rachel switched the T.V off before sitting on the couch beside her fellow Jew. Elbows resting on her knees, she massaged her temples to help her think while Puck twirled his hair around his finger, set his feet back on the carpet and readjusted his mini-skirt.

"Babe, I've got it," Puck declared and Rachel straightened up to hear his suggestion, "let's make-out."

"Absolutely not," Rachel retorted looking scandalised, "I will _not _be unfaithful to Finn."

"Just think about it," Puck encouraged, "really you'll just be kissing your own lips so it totally doesn't count as cheating. Besides, it might work."

"I hardly think exchanging saliva is the answer to our problems," Rachel responded.

"Well it's worth a shot," Puck insisted scooting closer to her on the sofa, "anyway, I've always kinda wondered what it would be like to make out with myself," he smirked.

"You are so perverted," Rachel replied sounding appalled. "Very well," she sighed, "one quick little kiss but that is it and you cannot tell anyone."

"Whatever, just let me make out with myself," Puck commented as he swung one leg over so he was straddling Rachel's lap, "damn I'm such a stud," he grinned as he admired his face and felt up his biceps.

"So modest too," Rachel remarked sarcastically before letting her eyes close.

Dragging a hand through Rachel's mohawk, Puck leaned in and pressed their lips together.

_I guess this is sorta what its like to make out with a dude, _Puck thought while he kissed the girl in his body. _My abs feel so damn good. If I can just get my hot body back and convince Kurt to make out with me there's no way he'll be able to resist me afterwards_.

"It didn't work," Rachel sighed in disappointment after the kiss had ended and Puck moved off of her lap.

"It was a worth a shot," Puck reasoned. "We just need to think of something else."

Rachel nodded and the two teens sat in silence as they tried to come up with a helpful solution.

"I recommend a spontaneous duet," Rachel decided before rushing to the C.D player and fiddling with the switches and buttons, "be prepared to sing, Noah, since you currently have my voice I shall permit you to sing the female part," she called to him before hitting the play button.

The Disney music started up and Rachel turned to Puck with a wide smile, staring at him expectantly as she waited for him to sing.

_I can't believe I actually know the words to this, _was all Puck thought before he sang out the lyrics.

"**All those days watching from the windows, all those years outside looking in, all that time never even knowing, just how blind I've been,**" Puck blinked his long eyelashes and turned on his heel, suddenly finding himself on stage in a sparkling pink gown and watching Kurt walk through the crowd, his face the only one to stand out while the other milling students were just an unfocused blur. "**Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight, now I'm here, suddenly I see, standing here, its all so clear, I'm where I'm meant to be.**"

His vision of the stage faded and instead Puck imagined himself being back in his own body and lying in his own bed in the dark only for lightness to suddenly fill the room.

"**And at last I see the light, and its like the fog has lifted, and at last I see the light,**" the scenery of Puck's bedroom faded and instead he found himself out in the open staring upwards to the clouds, "**and its like the sky is new, and its warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted, all at once everything looks different,**" an image of Kurt appeared in Puck's fantasy, "**now that I see you.**"

Blinking his eyes, Puck turned back to face Rachel as the girl stood in his living-room in his body, preparing herself to sing in his voice.

"**All those days chasing down a daydream,**" Rachel sang, "**all those years living in a blur, all that time never truly seeing, things, the way they were, now she's here shining in the starlight, now she's here, suddenly I know, if she's here it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go.**"

_I look so gay right now, _Puck thought watching Rachel perform in his body.

"**And at last I see the light,**" Puck and Rachel sang together.

"**And it's like the fog is lifted,**" Rachel sang.

"**And at last I see the light,**" they sang together, "**and it's like the sky is new,**" Puck sang solo. "**And it's warm and real and bright,**" the two sang together again, "**and the world has somehow shifted, all at once everything is different, now that I see you, now that I see you.**"

"It didn't work," Puck pointed out once the song was over. "Maybe we should go to Temple?"

"Were you two just singing?" Mel asked stepping into the living-room from having been up in her bedroom.

"We thought performing a duet together might fix our current predicament," Rachel explained.

"It didn't work," Puck repeated.

"Well maybe I can help," Mel said, "I have an awesome idea," she grinned and the two older Jews looked to one another.

"Whatever, I'm willing to try just about anything at this point," Puck said, "what do you have in mind sis?"

"Just sit down and relax," Mel instructed them, "and leave it all to me. I'll be back in a little while," she told them before giggling a little and running upstairs.

A few minutes later, the younger girl returned wearing her dressing-gown and made herself busy in the kitchen. Puck and Rachel shared a look of confusion before Melanie entered the living-room carrying two glasses containing a weird mixture of liquids.

"What is that?" Rachel asked.

"Some coffee beans, some orange juice, a bit of whiskey, vinegar, cola, a few drops of tomato soup and some hot water," Mel answered much to the disgust of the other two. "It just needs one last ingredient," Mel said before yanking a strand of hair from each of their heads and adding one to each glass. "There, perfect," she announced before handing the glass with a few bristles of Rachel's mohawk to Puck, and the glass with Puck's long hair to Rachel. "Drink up!"

"What? No way, I'm not drinking this," Puck rejected sneering at the revolting mixture in the glass.

"Noah, you have to," Mel insisted, "it's the Jewish version of a polyjuice potion. It'll change you back."

"Like hell it will," Puck grumbled.

"And in the Harry Potter books the effects of a polyjuice potion only last for an hour anyway," Rachel pointed out.

"That's the traditional potion, but this is the Jewish version, I already told you that," Mel snapped impatiently, "the Jewish version will be permanent."

"Except it won't because it won't work since magic isn't real," Puck stated and Mel scowled at him.

"Just try it," Mel huffed, "and if you don't I'm going to tell mama the truth about what's going on with you two."

"She wouldn't really tell would she?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, the little brat would," Puck answered and Mel smirked evilly. "Come on, let's just drink this shit, I don't want her telling my mama. If she heard what's happened she'll just be convinced I'm on drugs."

Tentatively, Puck lifted the glass to his lips and screwed his eyes shut as he let some of the liquid slide down his throat, Rachel copying his example. They barely swallowed a mouthful before they were both pulling faces and yelling about how disgusting it tasted, Melanie cackling in amusement as she watched them.

XXX

"That was so gross," Rachel complained as she and Puck stood side by side in the bathroom, scrubbing their teeth clean furiously.

"Even worse than cafeteria food," Puck said, "worse than prison food," he added, "worse than healthy food!" he exclaimed.

"Your sister is a monster," Rachel commented reaching for the mouthwash, "I am so privileged to be an only child, I realise that now."

"Ok, I'm starting to run out of ideas for how we can fix this thing," Puck said.

"Me too," Rachel admitted.

"There's only one last thing I can think of to try right now," Puck told her.

"What's that?" Rachel asked.

After hearing Puck's suggestion, Rachel agreed to it and followed Puck downstairs and outside into his truck. They drove to McKinley High and Puck took hold of Rachel's hand and led her round to the back of the building before breaking into the school with a shocking amount of ease.

"You've done this before," Rachel stated accusingly and Puck just grinned. "Wait," she said clutching Puck's arm tightly, "are you sure we won't get caught?"

"Babe, relax, I've done this like a million times," Puck assured her before leading the way through the deserted school corridors.

"This place is actually kind of creepy when it's so empty," Rachel commented sticking close to Puck as they made their way through the building. "It almost has a haunted feel. A lot of unhappy spirits dwell here I can tell, because of my sixth sense you know. These walls simply echo with the pains of teenage angst from years gone by."

"Shut up, Rachel," Puck replied trying to find his way in the dark, Rachel's grip on his arm almost painful. "We're here," he announced when they reached the room they were looking for. Taking a pin out of his long hair, he got to work on picking the lock before holding the door open and permitting Rachel to step inside ahead of him. Following her inside, he closed the door and flicked on the light switch, illuminating Miss Pillsbury's office. "Let's start looking."

Together, they rummaged through the Guidance Counsellors cupboards and desk in search of all the available information pamphlets.

"I swear this chick has a pamphlet for everything," Puck said, "there's gotta be something in here that'll help with our problem."

"I certainly hope so," Rachel replied looking through a stack of neatly arranged pamphlets. "Wee-Willy-Winkie," Rachel read out loud looking at one of the titles, "How to make your penis grow three inches in two weeks."

"You should take that one for Finn," Puck teased only to be hit with a large wad of them, "ow."

"Staying Alive, Not Suicide," Rachel read sorting through another pile, "The First Cut is the Deepest," she commented reading the title of a pamphlet about self-harm. "Try taking an Art Class," Rachel read aloud as she opened the pamphlet, "instead of using your body as a canvas, your blood as paint and a blade as a paintbrush, use the real things to create a visual masterpiece that doesn't mangle and scar your skin or endanger your life."

"Crabs," Puck read out, "when it feels like there's a pinch full of sea in your underwear, seek treatment. Or how about this… E.T Phone Home, what to do if you meet an alien."

"So you like touching yourself," Rachel read out, "the do's and don't of masturbation. Is this sort of material really appropriate for a high school?"

"Don't be such a virgin," Puck replied, "people masturbate, there's nothing wrong with that."

"This is ridiculous, Noah, we're not going to find a helpful pamphlet," Rachel sighed.

"No," Puck agreed still rifling through them, "probably not." His eyes landed on a pamphlet titled 'So You're Bleeding in New Places' that was all about periods. Making sure Rachel wasn't looking, he grabbed one and stuffed it into his coat pocket. He hadn't been subjected to that particular ordeal yet but he knew it would probably happen soon. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Shouldn't we tidy up?" Rachel asked looking round at the mess they'd made.

"Leave it, Miss Pillsbury loves to clean," Puck shrugged holding the door open for Rachel to step through.

He switched the light back off and closed the door before leading Rachel back out of the building and into his truck.

"Our situation is hopeless," Rachel sighed.

"I'll take care of it, I promise," Puck told her.

"How Noah?" Rachel asked. "What can you possibly do to fix this?"

"I'll think of something," Puck insisted.

XXX

Later that night, Puck was curled up in Rachel's bed surrounded by a large number of her stuffed animals. He willed his mind to conjure up a genius plan to get himself and Rachel back into their rightful bodies. Unfortunately, nothing realistic entered his thoughts. Getting a headache from thinking so hard, Puck rolled over and reached for Rachel's cell phone before rolling onto his back again, his legs bent so that his knees were facing the ceiling. He searched through the list of contacts and hit the call button, butterflies flapping around in his stomach as he listened to the phone ring.

"Well hello, Miss Berry," Kurt greeted on the other end of the line. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Nothing," Puck replied, one hand holding the phone to his ear as he twirled his long hair with the other, "I just wanted to hear the voice of my best gay."

"Then consider your wish granted," Kurt said.

_Phone sex right now would be so awesome, _Puck thought while he listened to Kurt confirm the arrangements for their mall trip the following day.

"That sounds lovely," Puck commented, "Kurt, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Kurt answered.

"Do you believe in love?" Puck asked.

"I most certainly do," Kurt replied, "romance is such a beautiful thing and passion and desire are so exciting."

"Um, are you in love with anybody?" Puck asked him.

"No, I'm not," Kurt said back, "but I want to be. I have to admit that I often find myself jealous of what you have with Finn or what Tina has with Mike and Santana with Brittany. I can't wait for somebody to love me like that, and for me to love him back obviously. Of course love is a long way off for me. I'll probably have to wait until New York before I can find somebody to appreciate just how fabulous I am."

"Anyone who can't see how fabulous you are is an idiot," Puck remarked. _Just like I was such an idiot for not seeing it for so long_. "You really are special Kurt; you deserve to be loved more than anyone."

"Ok Rachel, now you're starting to worry me," Kurt responded, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," Puck replied, "I just wanted…"

"To hear my voice," Kurt finished the sentence for him.

"Exactly," Puck confessed releasing a deep breath, "I know it sounds dumb but hearing your voice is really comforting."

"That's sweet Rachel," Kurt said, "but shouldn't hearing Finn's voice be a greater comfort to you?"

"I, well… um," Puck searched for something to say but no syllables appeared to help him form a coherent sentence.

"Rachel, be honest with me," Kurt asked, "are you and Finn breaking up?"

_Babe, we're not even together, _Puck thought.

"Of course not," Puck replied, "my relationship with Finn is as strong and happy as ever. I realise I may have been neglecting him a little recently but it isn't intentional and it doesn't mean anything. I'm just preoccupied with a little… a little side project."

"Side project?" Kurt enquired sounding intrigued.

"Just something I'm doing to help out a friend," Puck answered, "remember me telling you about that guy who's interested in you?"

"Yes I remember and I still think its ridiculous and most likely a prank," Kurt responded.

"I assure you, Kurt, this guy's feelings are completely genuine," Puck insisted, "he's crazy about you." _I'm crazy about you_. "But he just needs a little more time before he can be brave like you and come out of the closet." _But before I can make a move I need my sweet ass body back_. "And he's still kind of nervous that you might not feel the same way. What, um, what types of guy are you actually interested in?"

"Oh, well, personally I love a guy who is…" Kurt listed a number of qualities that he found appealing in a boy and Puck listened intently on the other line. "There," Kurt breathed out, "that's my perfect guy."

"He sounds… nice," Puck replied lamely. _He sounds nothing like me, _Puck thought sadly.

"Is that the time?" Kurt asked frantically. "I need to get started on my nightly moisturizing routine but I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Night," Puck whispered back several seconds after Kurt had hung up.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	11. Bleeding in New Places

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you kindly for reviewing**

**Chapter 11-Bleeding in New Places:**

"Melanie," Rachel called, entering the younger girl's bedroom early in the morning and shaking her awake, "Melanie… Melly… Mel, wake up. Wake up little girl Puckerman. Mel… Melly… Melanie," she nagged prodding the girl on the shoulder, "hello… good morning. Hi there, good morning," she greeted with a smile as Mel sat up and glared at her through bleary eyes, "I need your help."

"'S too early," Mel complained slumping back down and yanking the covers over her head.

"Too early? It's almost eleven o'clock," Rachel remarked pulling the duvet away from Puck's sister. "Melanie, please, I don't have much time and I could really use your assistance."

"Fine, what?" Mel asked sleepily, still curled up in a ball and cuddling her pillow.

"I am under strict instructions to meet up with Quinn at her house for lunch so that she can introduce me to a friend of hers," Rachel explained, "a boy, a gay boy."

"So?" Mel asked. "You have two gay dads; you can handle a gay teen without my help."

"No, no, no, I really can't," Rachel answered, "see Mel you don't understand. Quinn has arranged this meeting as a set-up; it's supposed to be a date between me and this boy, only it's not really me because I'm currently in the body of your brother. And Noah has no such interest in being set up with a random boy from Quinn's church and I do not wish to go on a date with a gay teen when I already have a boyfriend."

"Wait… is Noah gay?" Mel questioned curiously sitting up again and suddenly seeming more awake.

"Melanie, that really isn't the issue here," Rachel said. "I need you to conjure up a plan in your evil Puckerman mind to help me either get out of this lunch date or find a way to survive it."

"I dunno, just act like a jerk so this boy won't like you," Mel suggested, "or just be really annoying, you're good at that."

"Maybe you could come along with me," Rachel replied pleadingly, "no respectable teenage boy would try to make the moves on someone when their little sister is present."

"Rachel, _no _teenage boy is respectable," Mel told her.

"Just get dressed and come with me," Rachel huffed.

"Ok," Mel smiled getting out of the bed, "for twenty dollars."

"How about I just give you singing lessons?" Rachel offered.

"Twenty dollars," Mel repeated stubbornly.

"Fine," Rachel agreed with a sigh before moving to the younger girl's wardrobe and pulling it open, "oh this is cute," she commented taking out a bright pink sweater depicting a bright yellow duckling.

"It was a birthday gift from my nana," Mel replied. "I think it sucks ass and I never wear it. But if you really like it then you can have it when you get your body back."

XXX

At noon, Rachel and Melanie arrived in the Fabray's driveway and walked up to the front door before ringing the door bell. A few moments later, the door was pulled open and Quinn appeared wearing a pretty blue dress, a white cardigan and her little gold cross necklace.

"Hey sweetie," Quinn greeted looking at who she believed to be Puck, "and Melanie," she added with a very forced smile, "I didn't know you were bringing your sister," Quinn whispered as though Mel couldn't hear.

"I can hear you," Mel pointed out.

"Our mama had to work and I couldn't leave Melanie home alone," Rachel excused.

"So why did you have to bring her here?" Quinn asked, still talking as though Mel wasn't standing on the doorstep. "Couldn't you have dropped her off at a friend's house?"

"Oh well, I thought about that, but she actually asked to come," Rachel lied and Quinn quirked an eyebrow in disbelief while Mel rolled her eyes. "She said she'd really like to spend some time with you and help add some glitter to your Prom Queen Campaign posters we've been working on. Isn't that right, Mel?"

"No," Mel answered honestly, "I'm only here because my big brother doesn't have the balls to tell you that he has no interest in meeting your church boy friend. Plus he's paying me twenty dollars," Mel grinned before stepping into the house without invitation and making her way to the living-room.

"I'm just really nervous," Rachel said quickly when Quinn looked to her in expectations of an explanation, "I've accepted that I'm gay but I don't know if I'm ready to actually date yet."

"That's understandable, Noah," Quinn commented gently taking Rachel's arm and leading her inside, "and it's adorable how nervous you are. But honestly, there's no pressure here. I'm just a girl introducing two of my friends to one another; two friends that just happen to be gay boys."

_Actually that's not entirely accurate, _Rachel thought to herself. _In fact, it isn't accurate at all. There's no way you'd even invite me into your house if you knew who I really was. While I fully support the gay community, I myself happen to be straight. I'm also very much female even if I do currently have a penis_.

"Now, sit yourself down," Quinn instructed leading Rachel into the lounge where Melanie had already made herself comfortable in front of the T.V. "My friend should be here any minute. He's really cute; I think you'll really like him." The doorbell rang. "That'll be him," Quinn said excitedly before heading to answer the door.

"Oh no, Mel, what do I do?" Rachel asked frantically.

"Just keep calm," Mel answered as she flicked through the T.V channels, "if church boy gets too flirty I'll step in and cock-block."

Quinn returned with a reasonably attractive boy in toe.

"Noah, sweetie, this is my friend Christian," Quinn introduced, "Christian, this is Noah." Melanie cleared her throat pointedly. "And this is Noah's little sister Melanie."

"N-nice to meet you," Christian smiled shyly as he shuffled awkwardly on his feet before Quinn guided him into the seat beside Rachel.

"You too," Rachel replied politely, "dude," she added hoping to sound more Puck like. _He may be a nice boy but he has nothing on Kurt, _Rachel thought as she took in the boy's appearance. He was about Quinn's height and his body build was similar to Artie's. His eyes were grey with an interesting burst of orange around the pupil. He had finely plucked eyebrows, a smattering of freckles lightly dusting his nose, curly brown hair that reminded her of Jesse along with a rather pointed chin that bore a barely-there scar._ He is sort of cute in an endearingly nerdy way. However, my best gay is clearly the superior candidate for the role of the real Noah Puckerman's love interest. Sorry Christian, the heart of one Noah Puckerman is waiting to be handed to a boy far more talented than you but not quite as talented as myself. _

"Well, I'll leave you two to talk and get to know one another a little better while I bring in the sandwiches for our lunch," Quinn said, "Melanie, come and help me."

With a groan, Mel heaved herself off the floor and dragged her feet as she followed Quinn to the kitchen.

"So you go to the same church as Quinn," Rachel commented in order to make conversation.

"Yeah, tha-that's right," Christian answered, his eyes darting from Rachel's face to the floor, suggesting that he was shy and perhaps a little intimidated by the male body sitting beside him, obviously having no idea that it was really a girl on the inside.

"I'm Jewish," Rachel stated and Christian began gnawing on his lower lip and twiddling his fingers together. _Aww, he looks so nervous, _Rachel thought feeling sorry for the other teenager. _I kind of want to hug him but I mustn't do such a thing. I wouldn't want him thinking I'm interested in pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship. I won't be deliberately rude or mean but I can't be overly friendly and lead him on either. _"So, do you play sports at all?" Rachel asked thinking it might be something Puck would say.

"J-just baseball," Christian answered meekly reminding Rachel of the way Tina used to stutter, "I l-like to watch foo-football though. Quinn tells me you p-p-play in your school team."

"Yeah, I'm a…" _oh help me, what position does Noah play? Not the quarterback, that's Finn. He isn't the kicker, that's the part Kurt did. I don't know anything about football. Noah just catches the ball and runs really fast_, Rachel thought. "I run," Rachel settled on saying, "really fast… with the ball."

"Oh, c-c-cool," Christian nodded letting out a long breath before dropping his gaze to the floor again.

_Does he actually have a stutter or do I just make him nervous? _Rachel wondered.

"How are my two boys getting along?" Quinn asked returning to the living-room carrying a tray of sandwiches, Mel walking behind her with a tray of drinks and four bags of cheesy chips.

"Um… good," Christian answered still coming across as a very shy individual. The boy leaned forwards to grab a sandwich from the tray Quinn had set on the table and lightly nibbled on it.

"I think you two have a lot in common," Quinn said with a smile as she sat down with a glass of juice in her hand. "Noah's in Glee Club with me at school," she told Christian, "and Christian is in our church choir."

"Oh you sing?" Rachel asked with interest and Christian nodded shyly. "Do you perform in the Glee Club at your school?"

"No, we d-don't have a," Christian cleared his throat, "don't have a Gl-glee club."

"No Glee Club?" Rachel asked sounding hurt and appalled. "I would encourage you to write several angry letters to authority figures in protestation and then inspire your fellow students to form a Glee Club anyway. Obviously you couldn't hope to be as talented as the New Directions, not without my good friend Rachel Berry. Remember that name, Christian; she's going to be the greatest Broadway star the world has ever known one day."

"Um, that's n-nice," Christian replied looking at Rachel with confusion before averting his gaze. "So h-how do you know Quinn?"

"He got her pregnant," Mel announced and Christian's eyes widened dramatically while Quinn glared at Mel and Rachel, not knowing what else to do, selected herself a sandwich and took a large bite so she wouldn't have to say anything.

"The past is the past, we all make mistakes," Quinn said clearly embarrassed, "and obviously Noah didn't realise he was gay at the time. But he knows now, which is great. Isn't that great?" she prompted.

"It's fabulous," Rachel responded with a mouth full of sandwich that made Quinn frown in disgust. _I know this is un-lady-like, but as I'm in a boy's body I should make the effort to eat like one and this is exactly how Finn eats_. "Are your parents supportive?" Rachel asked Christian.

"The-they don't know yet," Christian replied, "and they're s-super re-lig-religious so they pro-probably w-w-won't…" he trailed off staring down at his shoelaces.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Rachel said sincerely, "I really hope things work out for you when or if you do decide to tell them. Personally I think parents should be able to love their children whatever their sexuality regardless of religious beliefs but I understand that it doesn't always happen. Fortunately for me I have two gay dads so they would of course accept and support such lifestyle choices."

"What?" Quinn asked sitting forward and staring at Rachel suspiciously.

"What?" Rachel replied not understanding why Quinn was looking at her in such a way. Looking round, Rachel saw that Christian looked as confused as she felt while Mel was giving her a look that clearly said 'you idiot'. Then Rachel thought back over what she had just said and everything clicked. _Oh no, there's no way to convincingly talk my way out of this. She knows, she knows, Quinn knows, my life is over and Noah is going to kill me and Finn and I shall be forever parted. Just admit the truth, confess. Wait, no, you'll just sound insane if you admit the truth. Keep quiet and hope the situation will sort itself out. Or better yet, sing a song. Singing might help, singing makes everything better_. "**If I were a boy,**" Rachel sang and Mel let out a groan, Quinn continued to stare at her and Christian just nibbled on his sandwiches looking rather like a lost puppy. "**I think I could understand, how it feels to love a girl, I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her, 'cause I know how it hurts, when you lose the one you wanted, 'cause he's taking you for granted, and everything you had got destroyed**… um," _not helpful at all, Rachel_, she thought to herself. _Spontaneously bursting into song isn't going to help convince Quinn that you are Noah Puckerman. You're just making it all the more obvious that you're really you_. "Just a little bit of Beyonce," Rachel said lamely.

"I th-think I should g-go home now," Christian spoke up.

"I'll show you to the door," Quinn replied politely leading the shy boy out.

"You totally screwed up big time," Mel commented.

"You hardly helped the situation," Rachel retorted.

"Hey, it's not my fault you talk too much," Mel replied defensively munching on her cheesy chips.

"Quick, if we conjure up a plan we may be able to salvage the situation," Rachel said.

"No chance, you're screwed," Mel stated bluntly.

Rachel sighed and perched nervously on the edge of the couch waiting for Quinn to return. A moment later, the blonde girl swept back into the living-room and stood over Rachel with her hands on her hips, looking every bit the bitchy Head Cheerleader who could make the students of McKinley High part ways for her.

"Explain," Quinn commanded and Rachel gulped slightly before looking helplessly to Mel who only shrugged. "Now," Quinn demanded when Rachel was silent for too long.

"You wouldn't believe me," Rachel muttered.

"She might," Mel said, "I believed you. Just tell her."

"I don't know how it happened and I don't know why," Rachel began while Quinn stared down at her, "but a few weeks ago I, Rachel Berry, woke up in Noah's body and he woke up in mine. We've been trapped in one another's bodies ever since with no idea how to fix the problem."

Chancing a glance up at Quinn, Rachel found that the girl was shaking her head slowly from side to side, her mouth partially open, seemingly unable to say anything.

"That sounds ridiculous," Quinn finally said.

"I know," Rachel agreed, "but it's the truth." She could tell that Quinn still looked disbelieving. "After I told Finn that Noah was the father of your baby, I went to talk to you," Rachel said hoping to convince the other girl she was being truthful about the insane sounding situation. "I told you that I understood if you wanted to beat me up and I asked you to try and avoid my nose. But you didn't hit me; you said I only did what you couldn't do… tell the truth."

"Get out," Quinn ordered, her voice quiet but still fierce.

"Look, Quinn, I…" Rachel tried to say but the other girl was not in the mood to hear any more.

"Go!" Quinn yelled making Rachel jump.

Together, Rachel and Melanie hurriedly left the house, leaving Quinn alone to think over all that had been revealed.

"Do you think she'll tell anyone?" Rachel asked worriedly.

"It doesn't matter," Mel answered, "nobody would believe her. They'd think she's crazy."

"Should we tell Noah that she knows?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, you'd better tell him," Mel nodded.

XXX

Walking around the mall with Kurt and Mercedes, Puck felt his phone vibrate, alerting him to a new text message. Slipping it out of his coat pocket, he read the text from Rachel. _Oh shit,_ he thought as he read that Quinn now knew the truth.

"Rachel, are you ok?" Kurt asked concernedly.

"Yeah, girl, you look a little green," Mercedes said.

"I'm fine," Puck assured them putting his phone away, "those shoes look cute," he said as a distraction.

For the remainder of the shopping trip, an uncomfortable ache rolled around in Puck's stomach as well as tingling awkwardly in his lower back. Knowing that Quinn knew about the unexplained body-swap between himself and Rachel was deeply unsettling. He had no idea how Quinn might behave towards him at school on Monday or if she might tell anyone about their secret.

_She didn't tell anyone about me being gay, _Puck reminded himself trying to take comfort from that thought. _Maybe she won't tell anybody about me being a chick. It's not like anyone would believe her anyway… but Mel believed it. But Mel is just weird, she even believed me when I told her Finn was really part-giant. Only weird crazy people would believe a dude and a girl were trapped in one another's bodies. Quinn might not even believe it herself, but if she does there won't be many people who believe her if she told them. _

"Oh my eyes are deeply offended," Kurt remarked commenting on a lady's clothing choice, "it hurts just to look at such a hideous outfit."

"The leopard print tights aren't too bad," Mercedes said.

"'Cedes, you are now revealing your fashion flaws," Kurt told her. "Your appreciation for animal prints is unwise and disturbing. Not even our little fashion-challenged Rachel has thrown together such a tragic looking ensemble," he said offering a teasing smile to Puck as he draped an arm across his shoulders, Puck leaning in to the touch.

"I have to say I agree with Kurt," Puck declared, "that woman's outfit is terrible, including the leopard print tights. Though I'm not sure if the vomit coloured knee-length knitted skirt or the bright orange poncho is worse. Both garments are distressing and embarrassing to look upon."

"I see I've taught you well," Kurt smiled, "I'm so proud," he squealed hugging Puck excitedly.

_I wonder if Kurt would believe me about the body-swap, _Puck thought as the three of them continued walking through the mall, Puck walking a step behind so he could admire Kurt's bottom. _Those pants look so great on his pert little ass… but they'd look even better on my bedroom floor_. _Damn, my belly really aches_.

"Can we sit down for a while?" Puck asked.

"I don't think so; we still have far too much shopping to do," Kurt replied, "all these fabulous clothes and accessories won't buy themselves."

"Actually I could use a snack right about now," Mercedes said, "I vote we sit down somewhere for lunch."

"Mercedes, I couldn't agree more," Puck commented eager to sit and rest for a while.

"I see I have been outvoted, very well, lunch it is," Kurt said.

Making their way to the food court, Puck kept catching glimpses of blonde hair, each sight causing him to tense a little fearing that it might be Quinn.

_Would Kurt be mad if he knew who I really was? _Puck wondered. _Quinn's probably kinda pissed off as well as confused, but how would Kurt feel? Would it make him like me or would he hate me for it?_

Sitting down at a table with a vegan meal in front of him, _yuck_, Puck's mind was still wondering how Kurt might behave if he knew that it was really him in Rachel's body. He kept shifting in his seat hoping to get comfortable on the hard wooden chairs without success. His back and stomach still ached and he also noticed that his breasts were a little sore. _Maybe I have my bra on too tight, _Puck thought.

XXX

After having lunch and then enduring a few more hours of shopping, Puck accompanied Kurt back home and the two headed up to his bedroom with the intent of watching some movies. Mercedes had already made her goodbyes and gone home, Burt and Carole were both at work and Finn was out with Sam so they had the place to themselves.

Even in a girl's body, Puck was a gentleman and allowed Kurt to select the film. So it was that Puck found himself watching 'Remember Me' for the first time and crying like… well, a girl… at the shock ending. As the credits rolled, Kurt handed a Kleenex to Puck to dry his eyes with.

"Can we watch a happier movie now?" Puck asked.

"How about our favourite non-musical go-to movie?" Kurt questioned.

"Ok," Puck agreed. _Not that I know what it is_. He remained on the bed curled up in the covers while Kurt got out to slot the next DVD into the player; bending over as he did so. _Such an awesome view_, Puck thought with a smirk to himself. Kurt returned to the bed and Puck looked to the screen to see what the movie was. _He's just not that into you… sounds awful, _he thought.

As the movie progressed, Puck was surprised to find himself rather enjoying the film. However, much to his annoyance, he couldn't get comfortable despite how cosy Kurt's bed was. The aches and pains in his stomach and back were just too bothersome to allow him any real comfort.

"You ok?" Kurt asked part way through the movie after watching Puck shift positions again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Puck lied resting a hand on his stomach beneath the quilt covers.

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked a few minutes later when Puck continued to fidget.

"Yeah, I just…" he trailed off as he felt an odd gush down below. "Um, I'm gonna use the toilet," Puck informed him crawling out of the bed. _I just need a piss that's all_.

He crossed the room and stepped into Kurt's adjoining bathroom, closing the door behind him. Moving to the toilet, he reached up under his mini-skirt to pull his panties down then sat on the toilet seat, another strange gush expelling from his vagina and something wet beginning to trickle down his thigh.

"Oh no," Puck whimpered glancing down and seeing the pool of blood staining his panties as well as the tiny red droplet that had left a trail down his leg. _Shit, shit, shit, shit, FUCK! What do I do? _His throat tightened and his eyes began to sting with the sudden urge to cry. _Damn it, I don't know what to do; I haven't read that period pamphlet yet. Shit, what if I bled onto Kurt's bed sheets?_

The tears started to fall and Puck remained seated on the toilet not knowing what to do. He knew he needed to hurry up before Kurt started to wonder what was taking so long. He really didn't want the boy he was crushing on to discover him in such an embarrassing and downright terrifying situation.

Still crying silently, Puck ripped off some toilet roll and wiped himself. He then stood and stepped out of his panties before dropping them into the sink. He turned on the tap, desperately trying to wash the blood out of them but the stains still remained and now his panties were soaked. Feeling utterly miserable and helpless, he turned the water off and looked to the ground, mortified to discover that he'd left a trail of blood from the toilet to where he now stood at the sink.

Sniffling, Puck tore off a generous amount of toilet roll and mopped up the river of blood he'd created before dropping the dirty toilet paper into the toilet bowl. He flushed the chain then reached for some more toilet paper to wipe away the smears of blood along his thighs and legs. Craning his neck round, he saw that blood had seeped through to the back of his skirt.

An audible sob escaped from his mouth as he removed his skirt and held it up to inspect the damage. A small red stain had formed on the hemline and Puck was sure that tap water wouldn't get rid of it. _I really liked that skirt_.

"Rachel?" Kurt's voice asked, accompanied by a knock on the bathroom door. "Are you ok in there?"

Puck whimpered feeling absolutely pathetic. He couldn't hide in Kurt's bathroom forever, naked from the waist down with blood oozing from his vagina. He really needed help, female help ideally, but Kurt was the only person available.

"Rachel?" Kurt asked again.

Face burning in embarrassment and tears still pouring from his eyes and clinging to his lashes, Puck picked up the bath towel and held it in front of himself before unlocking the bathroom door. He then moved back to sit on the toilet with the towel covering his lower body.

"C-come in," Puck called and Kurt cautiously stepped inside.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Kurt asked in concern as he took in Puck's tears.

"I… I started m-my p-period," Puck answered tearfully staring down at the towel shielding his private parts from view.

"Oh," Kurt replied clearly looking uncomfortable and it just made Puck feel all the more embarrassed. "Ok, um, do… do you have something with you? A tampon?"

"No," Puck shook his head. "And I've ruined my underwear and there's blood on my skirt and probably on your bed sheets too," he sobbed beginning to get hysterical.

"Hey, ssh, ssh, it's ok, don't worry," Kurt said soothingly stepped forward and pushing Puck's hair away from his face and grabbing some tissue to wipe his eyes. "I'll get you sorted," Kurt promised. "I'm going to have to make a quick trip to the store and buy you some tampons," Kurt explained.

"No, Kurt, please, I don't want you to leave me," Puck whimpered. _Man, I'm acting like such a girl right now_.

"Rachel, sweetie, I have to," Kurt responded giving Puck a comforting hug.

"Doesn't Carole have something I could use?" Puck asked hopefully but Kurt shook his head and pointed out that Carole had already gone through the menopause.

"I'll be as quick as I can," Kurt said, "but I have to go. While you're waiting for me," he moved to the bath and turned the hot tap on and put the plug in, "you can have a nice warm bath. It'll make you feel better," he assured him adding some bubble bath mixture to the water. "I won't be long, I promise."

Puck sniffled as Kurt left and rubbed his poor aching tummy as he waited for the bath to fill. Several minutes later, he stripped off his shirt and bra along with his sparkly socks before stepping carefully into the bathtub and sinking down into the warm water. He closed his eyes and let his hands rest on his belly as he waited for Kurt to return. _Being a girl sucks_.

XXX

"Hey, sorry I took so long," Kurt apologised panting a little as he entered the bathroom, "the line was ridiculously long."

"'S ok," Puck replied quietly sinking a little lower in the water to ensure that the bubbles covered his breasts.

"Here," Kurt said holding up the newly bought box of tampons then resting them on the edge of the sink where Puck's soaked panties had been left. "Um, I can put your skirt in the wash," Kurt said picking the garment up from the tiled floor, "but what do you want me to do with… those?" he asked pointed to the ruined underwear in the sink.

"Just throw them away," Puck sighed.

"Considerate it done," Kurt nodded. He then picked the wet and bloodies panties up and dropped them into the brown paper bag that the tampons had previously been in. "I'll deal with this and then I'll find you something to wear."

A few minutes later, Kurt came back again with a pair of yoga pants along with a pair of tight boxer briefs.

"You can wear these," Kurt said offering a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks," Puck replied weakly.

"Ok, just call if you need me," Kurt told him before turning away and stepping back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Closing his eyes again, Puck took a few moments to just relax and pretend that his most embarrassing experience to date hadn't really occurred. Taking a breath, he let the water go then climbed out of the bath to towel himself dry. Opening the tampon box, he pulled out one of the tampons and glared down at it as if it were his enemy. Looking at the back of the box, he read over the instructions, his eyes near bulging out of his head when he realised he'd have to insert the thing into his vagina.

_This is definitely something I never thought I'd have to do, _Puck thought.

XXX

"Feeling better?" Kurt asked kindly a few minutes later when Puck stepped back into the bedroom, tampon lodged up his vagina and wearing Kurt's boxers and yoga pants.

"Yeah," Puck nodded speaking in a quiet whisper, still feeling embarrassed.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed," Kurt said clearly sensing Puck's discomfort, "it's a perfectly natural part of being a woman. It could happen to anyone."

_Yeah, but it just had to happen to the dude stuck in a chick's body, _Puck thought bitterly, _that is so unfair. _

"Do you want to watch the rest of the movie?" Kurt asked, "I can rewind it."

"No, um, I just… I just wanna go home," Puck replied tucking his damp hair behind his ears and Kurt nodded in understanding before offering to drive.

XXX

As Kurt pulled the car to a halt outside the Berry household, Puck turned to peer at the boy through his eyelashes.

"Thanks for being so sweet today," Puck told him, "I honestly don't know how I would have coped without you."

"Well now, that's what friends are for," Kurt replied, "especially the fabulous gay ones."

"Haha," Puck chuckled, "you make me wanna be your boyfriend."

Kurt laughed in response, clearly not realising just how serious Puck was.

"I should get inside," Puck pointed out and Kurt nodded before leaning in for a hug. Puck clung tight to the other teen before pressing a quick kiss to the boy's cheek.

"Call me tomorrow," Kurt requested and Puck nodded before stepping out of the car and walking up to the front door.

After waving goodbye to Kurt and watching him drive off he entered the Berry household, the two Berry men looking over to him from where they were seated in the living-room, arms around each other as they watched T.V.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day?" Leroy asked and Puck abruptly burst into tears before running upstairs.

"Period," the two Berry men sighed.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	12. Babysitting Beth

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you very much for all your reviews, they are greatly appreciated**

**So sorry this chapter took this long (especially since its just a filler chapter) it seems I had a rather busy social life this past week and its looking to be a busy one again, but rest assured I will always update and NEVER leave a fic incomplete**

**Chapter 12-Babysitting Beth**

Sunday morning, Puck woke up with a groan, his stomach still aching from his first experience of period pains. _Women must be way more badass than I thought. How the hell do chicks put up with this every month? _He stumbled out of bed and made straight for the bathroom, his footsteps heavy as he walked across the landing. Pulling his nightwear down, he sat on the toilet seat, letting out a small startled yelp as the cold porcelain connected with his skin.

Closing his eyes, he slipped his hand down below and searched for the string of the tampon in order to pull it out. He gave a tentative tug, finding that his borrowed body responded positively to the peculiar feel. _If I carried on doing that I'd so get lady-wood, _he thought. Though part of him was mildly curious to explore his female body while thinking of a certain male countertenor he didn't dare to do such a thing. Touching Rachel's body intimately would just feel way too perverted.

Getting a firm grip on the string, he pulled again, withdrawing the tampon from his body. _Yuck, _Puck thought as he raised the used tampon to eye-level. Although it wasn't anywhere near as disturbing as seeing Quinn fully dilated while giving birth, it was still pretty up there in the list of 'grossest things' Puck had ever witnessed. He dropped the tampon into the toilet bowl and flushed before setting to work on inserting a fresh one, mentally making apologies to Rachel as he held her vagina lips apart to get the tampon inside. Quickly checking that the string was still hanging down, Puck washed his hands then returned to his temporary bedroom to dress. He ignored Rachel's wide collection of mini-skirts and pulled on a pair of pink sweat pants instead, complete with glittery gold stars dotted all over the material.

Sitting at Rachel's vanity table, Puck brushed through his long hair and tied it back into a high pony-tail, just like how the Cheerio's fashioned their hair. He considered applying a little make-up but decided it wasn't necessary. Heading downstairs, he joined the two Berry men for breakfast, cocking his head to the side as he observed the way they interacted with one another.

_I'd sell my guitar and little sister to have Kurt look at me like that, _Puck thought.

"Any plans today, Rachel?" Leroy asked.

"Yes, actually," Puck answered.

"Ooh, a date with Finn?" Hiram teased and Puck felt certain he failed in keeping the grimace off of his borrowed facial features.

"Not exactly," Puck replied, "or at all. It just so happens that I will be spending the day with Noah and Quinn, while we all baby-sit."

"Quinn?" Leroy questioned fiddling with his ear, obviously believing he'd misheard. "I didn't think the two of you were really that friendly with one another."

"We have our differences," Puck admitted, "but we respect one another's talent and are both mature enough to get along civilly."

"So who are you baby-sitting for?" Hiram enquired.

"Oh for… Noah's mother," Puck lied, unsure how Rachel's dads would react to the prospect of their 'daughter' baby-sitting for her birth mother. "Mrs. Puckerman has to work some extra hours today and so Noah is looking after his little sister and Quinn and I volunteered to help out… it'll give us the perfect opportunity to rehearse the latest Glee assignment the three of us have been working on," Puck added when the two men looked suspicious.

"Ah, of course, rehearsing for Glee," Leroy nodded, "we should have guessed."

_Ha, fooled them, _Puck thought triumphantly doing a little victory dance in his head. However, his feelings of victory were short lived. As he sipped on his juice, it occurred to him that he would be facing Quinn for the first time since she had been told the truth about his and Rachel's situation. He had no idea if the blonde had believed what Rachel had told her, but either way he wasn't looking too forward to meeting up with Quinn who was bound to glare daggers at him merely for something to do. Of course, the main aim of the day was to spend time with his beautiful little girl. He smiled as he thought of Beth, remembering the look she'd had in her eyes that convinced him she knew who he was even when he was in the wrong body.

"Oh, that will be Noah," Puck said hearing a knock upon the front door, "I'm not sure when I'll be back but don't worry about cooking for me. Me and the others will probably order take-out."

"Well here, take twenty dollars," Hiram said handing over some money from his wallet.

"Awesome, thanks dude," Puck replied taking the note and heading out.

It was Rachel in his smoking hot body standing impatiently at the door, waiting to give him a lift to Shelby's.

"Brace yourself, Noah," the real Rachel said, "we are now heading to the Fabray household to pick Quinn up. I've not been in contact with her since she asked me to leave her house yesterday so I am uncertain as to how dramatically she may react."

"Great," Puck mumbled sarcastically dragging out the word, "and by the way, I got your fucking period yesterday at Kurt's house, thanks for the freaking warning."

"Oh god, Noah, I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that," Rachel told him, "I've just been so worried about me and how I'm going to perform to the best of my ability at Regionals without my real voice, and I miss my dads, things have moved way past complicated with Finn and then Quinn has me so stressed because she is so unpredictable and I never know how she's going to react to a situation and that puts me on edge so…"

"Whatever, I don't care," Puck interrupted, "damn you chicks can be so annoying and crazy, but I don't blame you girls for it anymore. Blood comes out your vagina every month, that's some freaky shit. You women are pretty impressive creatures to be able to put up with it."

"Well in that case I'm very pleased all this craziness has helped you to find a greater appreciation and respect for women," Rachel replied.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, I still just want my body back," Puck sighed.

"I know," Rachel said empathetically, "me too. Here we are," she announced parking outside Quinn's house, "don't be nervous. Just remain calm. If we let her smell our fear then she'll eat us alive."

Rolling his eyes, Puck simply leaned forwards and honked the car horn and soon enough Quinn was on her way out. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she walked from the door to the car, the expression on her face completely blank but a ferocity still blazing in her eyes.

"Hey Q," Puck greeted cautiously as the blonde slipped into the backseat, "you look hot," he complimented.

"You repulse me," Quinn retorted, "both of you," she added looking to Rachel.

"I predicted that emotions would be running high today," Rachel said, "luckily I had the foresight to prepare a C.D filled with songs that we can all sing along to in order to deal with the complications our situation has befallen us."

She made to put in the C.D she had made but Puck snatched it away from her, snapped it in half then tossed it out the window before she could do so.

"Noah," Rachel complained, "I worked on that all night."

"When are you gonna learn, Rach, you can't sing away every problem," Puck told her. "Now will you drive already, I wanna see my baby girl."

"Fine," Rachel replied clearly offended but she did as she was asked and drove on anyway.

"You really are stuck as each other," Quinn commented quietly.

"Yep," Puck answered craning his neck round to look at her, "pray for me?"

"I suppose somebody has to," Quinn said. "Do you really not know how this happened?"

"Not a clue," Puck shrugged, "I wish we did. Then maybe we could fix it."

"This all sounds crazy, you do realise that?" Quinn asked.

"Yes, absolutely," Puck and Rachel answered together.

"So wait, are you really gay?" Quinn enquired looking at Puck in all his teenage-girl glory.

"I'm not really sure yet," Puck admitted, "and I'm too badass for labels anyway. Being in Rachel's body has given me the chance to hang out with Kurt and… I don't know, I just like him, a lot."

"Well you're never going to stand a chance with those man-hands and boy-hips," Quinn said critically frowning at Puck's borrowed body. "If you really want to win over Kurt then you need your own body back. But Noah Puckerman, if this is just about sex to you then I will treat you to a world of hell because I am not going to let you hurt him."

"Since when do you care about anyone other than yourself?" Rachel asked from the driver's seat.

"I just know what it's like to be hurt by a guy," Quinn answered, "I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to anybody else."

"You hurt guys too, Quinn," Puck pointed out quietly, "you hurt me."

"I know," Quinn said just as quietly, "sorry."

"Fellow Glee Clubbers, we have arrived," Rachel declared pulling up into Shelby's driveway, "oh and one of you needs to hold my hand and pose as my girlfriend so my birth mother doesn't try to make-out with me again."

"I nominate Quinn," Puck said quickly before scrambling out of the car and eagerly knocking on the front door.

"Please Quinn," Rachel begged the other girl as they walked up to the door.

"Fine," Quinn snapped taking Rachel's hand in a tight grip, "but we _never _tell anybody about this, it would destroy my reputation."

"Thank you, Quinn," Rachel said, "this is a very selfless thing you're doing for me."

"Stop talking or I'll break up with you before Shelby answers the door," Quinn threatened and Rachel fell silent just as the door was pulled open.

"Thank you for coming," Shelby smiled standing back to let them in, "nice to see you too, Rachel, you're always welcome sweetie."

"Thank you for letting us over," Puck replied striding inside and heading straight to the living-room where Beth was building a tower of blocks, "hey, baby girl," Puck greeted instantly sweeping his daughter off the carpet and into his arms, "don't you look beautiful."

"Da-da," Beth exclaimed happily giving Puck an affectionate head-butt.

"I should be back for five," Shelby told them, "I'll call if things overrun. And if anything happens make sure you call me. Here's my cell phone number," she said handing a slip of paper to Quinn, "the number for the beauty spa," she said, "and for the restaurant. Be good guys, have fun, and make sure Beth gets a nap at two pm."

"Don't worry, Shelby, we have everything under control," Rachel said still clinging tight to Quinn's hand so her birth mother wouldn't make a move on her while she was in Puck's body.

"Ok, Bethy, be good sweetheart," Shelby cooed kissing Beth goodbye before leaving the house.

"Come on, Beth, its time to have your first proper meeting with your Auntie Rachel," Puck said carrying Beth towards Rachel, "she's pretty hot right?" he asked and Beth giggled.

"Da-da," Beth squealed pointing at Rachel, "Da-da, hide," she laughed then pointing to Puck.

"Clever girl," Puck praised, "daddy's hiding in Auntie Rachel's body. But ssh," he said tapping a finger to her lips, "it's our little secret."

"Ssh," Beth mimicked tapping her finger to Puck's mouth.

"She's perfectly adorable," Rachel complimented, "the two of you really produced a wonderful human being."

"Damn right," Puck agreed tickling Beth's tummy and making her giggle, "give me five, little girl," he demanded holding his hand up for Beth to slap. "Ok, now I think mummy Quinn wants a cuddle, so here we go… whoosh!" He cried out holding the baby girl up high to create the illusion that she was flying high above their heads before carefully handing her over to Quinn.

"Hi," Quinn smiled down at the girl in her arms, her greeting a soft whisper mixed with a delighted laugh, much like how she'd first greeted Beth in the hospital after giving birth.

"So how did she know you were really you?" Rachel asked as the two Jews watched on as Quinn played with Beth on the floor. "She's just a baby, how could she possibly know the truth about our situation?"

"I dunno," Puck shrugged, "must be some instinct kind of thing. She just knows that I'm her dad, no matter what body I'm stuck in, she knows it's really me inside."

"That's so beautiful," Rachel sighed, "I wish Finn could instinctively tell that with me. Or my dads, even Shelby, or just anyone. It feels awful realising that nobody truly knows me. I always thought of myself as being unique, one of a kind, yet you've managed to convincingly play the part of Miss Rachel Berry. Something about that just isn't right. You're being me better than I be me," she said exasperatedly, "if this was Broadway, I'd be the lead and you'd be the understudy who turns out to be better than the star. If this situation is a metaphor for how my career will play out on Broadway then I am doomed. Singing is my life, without it I'm nothing."

"Hey, come on, you're all kinds of awesome," Puck told her.

"I am?" Rachel asked hopefully, "what else is awesome about me?"

"Oh um… you make damn good cookies," Puck replied, "and you're a great team leader. You always motivate the Glee Club, especially before a competition."

"This is true," Rachel acknowledged, "in fact, while we're here, I recommend we prepare a number to perform in next Glee rehearsal."

"We're babysitting, not rehearsing," Quinn pointed out.

"And I am sure that Beth will appreciate being a witness to such impressive talents like ourselves that she can one day aspire to be as good as," Rachel said, "she can be the audience and judge our performance."

"I think she should be the choreographer," Puck grinned watching his daughter stumble around on her feet doing her own little shimmying movements.

"Don't be ridiculous, Noah, she can hardly even walk," Rachel tutted, "come on fellow Glee Clubbers, we've a spectacular number to prepare."

"Or we could play a little game," Puck said wickedly, "and tie Auntie Rachel to a chair with a gag in her mouth."

Rachel spluttered in protest while Beth applauded approvingly at the idea. Quinn had already gathered supplies and together, she and Puck wrestled Rachel into a dining chair and tied her up, much to her indignation.

"She's going to lecture us for weeks for doing this," Quinn laughed as Rachel continued to let out a shrill sound of outrage through the material of the gag.

"I know, but it's worth it," Puck sniggered, "I just wish it was her in her own body rather than mine. She's making me look ridiculous."

"That mohawk makes you look ridiculous," Quinn remarked eyeing up the hair style a tied-up Rachel was currently sporting. "Maybe you should consider shaving it again; you look so much more handsome that way. I'm sure Kurt would appreciate the look more than your current one."

"Hey, chicks dig the 'hawk," Puck said defensively, "and Kurt digs it too, he just don't know it yet. Every innocent virgin secretly wants a bad boy and I'm as badass as they come."

"Not like that you're not," Quinn commented looking him up and down in his feminine body.

"Fudge off," Puck retorted, making sure not to actually swear in front of Beth.

"A word of advice, Noah," Quinn said, "Kurt is in love with the idea of romance. So when you get your body back, which I'm sure you will, be romantic. If you truly be yourself and the gentleman I know you can be, you'll win Kurt over in no time."

"You really think so?" Puck asked sounding a little shy as he played with his long hair.

"Of course," Quinn answered with a smile, "you won me over after all. I know nothing romantic will happen between us again and that we weren't right for each other in the end, but I really did love you."

"You too, Q," Puck replied smiling fondly at her before leaning in with the intent of kissing her forehead.

"Don't kiss me," Quinn warned dodging away.

"Oh, right, sorry," Puck apologised realising Quinn didn't want to be kissed or even touched by him while he was in Rachel's body.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	13. The Gayest Heterosexual

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Once again, thank you for reviewing and sorry for taking like a week to update. Still, a week IS faster than a lot of people update so it really isn't that bad. And after years of being lonely and single I deserve to have a boyfriend, even if said boyfriend does keep me away from my fanfiction duties lol.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy**

**Chapter 13-The Gayest Heterosexual:**

"_I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay,_" Puck sang as he got dressed for school. "Oh shit, I've been stuck as Rachel far too long. I really need my penis back so I can man-up."

Slipping his feet into a sensible pair of heels to match his pretty red dress, Puck checked his hair in the mirror a final time before carefully heading downstairs. He picked up his book-bag and called out a goodbye to the two Berry men before opening the front door to find Quinn stood on the porch.

"Hey, sweetie," the blonde greeted and Puck smiled in response before following Quinn to her car.

"Are you sure you don't mind being seen with me while I'm in Rachel's body?" Puck asked as he sat in the passenger seat.

"It's fine," Quinn replied, "everybody already knows I'm in Glee Club with Rachel anyway. And at least I know I'm not really hanging out with Rachel Berry even if nobody else does. I've been praying for the two of you to return to your own bodies by the way."

"Well pray harder, bitch," Puck retorted earning himself a glare. "Sorry, it's cool that you're praying. We need all the help we can get. I really wanna get with Kurt, but until I get my own hot body back I don't stand a chance."

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," Quinn told him confidently.

"Thanks for being so awesome about all this crazy shit," Puck said resting a hand on the girl's thigh, "it really means a lot to me, babe."

"You're welcome," Quinn replied pushing Puck's hand away, "but try to limit how much you touch me. While I realise it's really you in there, its still Rachel's body and I'm really not comfortable having too much physical contact with it."

"Right, yeah, sorry," Puck apologised before a smirk formed on his mouth. "I guess this isn't a good time to remind you that we've had sex then?"

"Eww, gross," Quinn laughed.

They pulled up into the McKinley High parking lot and walked up to the school building with their arms linked together.

"Everyone's totally staring at us," Puck pointed out.

"I know, I'm trying to ignore it," Quinn said through pursed lips, "don't feel offended if I don't look at you. It's easier to remember who you really are if I don't look at the disgusting outside parts."

"Hey, Rachel isn't disgusting," Puck said defensively. "Her little boobs are actually kinda cute and the freckle on her inner thigh is adorable."

"Oh my god, you've been looking that closely?" Quinn asked accusingly. "You're such a pervert."

"Fellow Glee Clubbers, there you are," Rachel exclaimed eagerly as her eyes landed upon them, "accompany me to the choir room immediately," she demanded before leading the way.

"Does my 'hawk really look like that from the back?" Puck asked watching Rachel hurry away.

"Not always," Quinn answered as they followed Rachel's path, "she obviously hasn't worked out how to style it the way you do. It could probably do with a trim too."

"I don't care what you say Lucy Q, I am not shaving my mohawk," Puck replied stubbornly.

They continued on to the choir room where Rachel was waiting for them rather impatiently. Together, Puck and Quinn sat down and looked to Rachel expectantly waiting to hear whatever it was she had to tell them.

"Thank you for coming," Rachel smiled, "what I'm about to share is highly important and incredibly exciting. Ordinarily I would call the entire Glee Club to order but under the circumstances I've decided that you two shall be the first to know."

"The first to know what?" Puck asked. "Have you figured out how to give me my penis back?"

"No, no, this is much more important than that," Rachel answered waving her hand dismissively at Puck's question. "Noah Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, it gives me intense pride and pleasure to announce that I have made a decision on what solo I should perform at our upcoming Regionals competition… imaginary drum-roll please… ta-da!" she cried out turning the white board round to reveal the name of the song and artist she had already written upon it.

"Cliff Richard, 'The Millennium Prayer'," Puck read aloud, "Rachel, babe, you cannot be serious. That song is all kinds of lame not to mention that you're freaking Jewish."

"I… I thought it was a good idea," Rachel said uncertainly looking to Quinn, her previous enthusiasm fading fast.

"It's a terrible idea," Quinn stated bluntly, "even worse than 'Run, Joey, Run' or being subjected to Mr. Schue attempting to rap."

"I'm losing myself," Rachel sighed dramatically. "I was once a star shining so bright in a depressing sky of the deepest black, my talent burning strong and true for all to witness and gaze upon with awe and envy. Now my burning light is fading, my stardom is slipping between my fingers and my talent in crumbling into nothing more than fragments of dusty rock. My future is bleak and hopeless."

"I'm sorry that you're trapped in a teenage boy's body, Rachel," Quinn said standing up, "but I really don't care enough to listen to your whining. I'm gonna head to class. Noah, are you coming?"

"You go on," Puck told her, "I better make sure Rachel's not completely broken."

Quinn left and Puck crouched down to where Rachel was now kneeling on the floor, muttering to herself about broken dreams and shattered hopes.

"Hey, look at me," Puck instructed tilting Rachel's chin up so she was looking at him, "we're gonna be ok. Things really suck right now, but everything will sort itself out. You're still a star, Rachel Berry, the brightest I've ever seen. And I promise you, we're gonna be back to normal before Regionals and you're gonna blow everyone away with a crazy awesome solo."

"You're so lovely, Noah," Rachel gushed wrapping her arms around her Jewish friend, "so, so lovely."

"Yeah, thanks," Puck replied patting her back awkwardly as he waited for her to regain control of her emotions.

XXX

Later that day, Puck found himself in the choir room once again, this time in the company of Kurt Hummel. During their lunch break, the beautiful countertenor had approached him asking for his 'expert advice' on a performance he was working on to show to the Glee Club.

"Amazing," Puck praised when Kurt had sang the song, "that's so beautiful, so stunning. Wow, Kurt, you completely took my breath away. That would be incredible at Regionals."

"Maybe," Kurt shrugged, "but we all know you and Finn are Mr. Schue's favourites to perform at Glee Club competitions. Not that I mind, your performances are always amazing. It would just be nice to be given the opportunity to stand in the spotlight every once in a while."

"You really deserve it, Kurt;" Puck told him honestly, "I for one will totally support you singing that song for Regionals. When Mr. Schue and the others hear it they'll love it too. They'll agree with me, they'd be insane not to appreciate how fantastically talented you are and just how good your butt looks in skinny jeans." _Oops, I didn't mean to say that last part out loud. Just smile like everything's totally normal, but don't smile in a creepy way_.

"Thank you, Rachel," Kurt replied slowly, "your approval means a lot to me."

"You too," Puck said, "I mean, I feel the same. Your approval means everything to me." _Or it would if I had it, but I don't. Dude, you don't even like me_.

"Are you ok?" Kurt asked looking at Puck intently.

"Fine, why wouldn't I be?" Puck responded.

"Your eyes," Kurt said, "they seem different."

"They do?" Puck asked, a touch of hope in his voice as he brought his hands up to feel his face, thinking that maybe he was changing back into his own body. However he was disappointed to find that he was still Berry much Rachel.

"You always look so troubled lately," Kurt stated musingly, "like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It seems like there's something intense and dramatic going on with you and I really want to be a good friend and help but… but it feels like I can't. I look at you, and I see my short little Broadway baby, but when you look back at me, it feels like you're somebody else entirely."

"Somebody else," Puck repeated, "like who?"

"I don't know," Kurt shrugged, "but don't worry, its somebody equally as fabulous," he winked and Puck was sure he could feel himself blush as he tucked his hair behind his ears.

"You are right, Kurt." Puck confessed. "There is a lot of intense drama that I've been struggling to work through recently. I haven't been quite myself. Things are… things are different, _I'm _different. But in a good way. In a short time, I feel I've really grown and developed as a person and a lot of that is because of you."

"Well I'm honoured," Kurt smiled.

"I mean it," Puck said seriously, "you've really helped open up my eyes and change me for the better. I look at things, people, differently now. I _feel _differently now. Does… does that make sense?"

"Rachel, sweetie, hardly anything you say ever makes sense to me," Kurt commented, "and right now you seem even more unusual than normal."

"I'm sorry, I just, I'm trying to explain how I feel," Puck told him.

"Maybe you should try saying how you feel in a song," Kurt suggested.

"No, I don't think there's any song truly appropriate," Puck replied, _though maybe I could sing Shania Twain's 'Man I feel like a woman' just for the hell of it_. "Kurt," Puck took a step closer to the boy and bravely took hold of his hand, "I used to hate you. I mean, not really, I never truly hated you. I just… I didn't really know or understand you. I was… threatened by your talent," _I guess I was freaked out by your gayness because it was something about you that I was too scared to believe about myself_. "I know I've said and done some awful and hurtful things to you in the past, like taking the 'Defying Gravity' solo," _like tossing you into dumpsters_. "But the truth is I've always secretly admired you. You're my only real competition talent wise," _the way you keep your head up high no matter how much crap us stupid jerks put you through makes you do damn badass_. "And I've been fortunate enough to be able to be your friend. As wonderful as your friendship is, I have to be selfish and admit that it isn't quite enough for me. I want more. I need more. You feel that?" Puck asked placing Kurt's palm over his heart. "It always beats funny like that whenever I'm with you."

"Rachel, I think maybe I should…" Kurt tried to say pulling his hand away.

"Don't go," Puck said latching his hands onto Kurt's shoulders, "Kurt please, look at me."

"Rachel, you're acting really…" Kurt began but Puck interrupted again.

"Kurt, look at me, really look," Puck encouraged. "_Look _at _me_."

Letting out a slow breath, Kurt gazed at Puck searchingly, staring deep into his eyes as though he was trying to figure out an elaborate jigsaw puzzle. There were brief moments when something flickered in Kurt's eyes, something that suggested perhaps he just might now, or at least believe the truth if it was revealed to him. But it was difficult to know for sure. So Puck waited silently, hoping that Kurt may say something. However, the silence stretched on, so Puck took a gulp and decided to take a risk.

"Kurt?" Puck asked hoping to make Rachel's body appear as alluring as possible, "can I kiss you? Please, just once."

"I might throw up," Kurt warned in a whisper staring back at Puck.

"I'll risk it," Puck replied forming Rachel's lips into what he hoped was a seductive smirk as he leaned up.

"Who are you?" Kurt questioned suspiciously. "Tell me who you are because you cannot be Rachel Berry."

"I'm the gayest heterosexual you'll ever meet," Puck responded leaning in again.

"Don't," Kurt said, gently pushing Puck away and stepping back.

"Kurt, please," Puck tried to say but Kurt held a hand up to silence him.

"Don't," he repeated, "I'm sorry. I don't understand what's going on right now. I'm not even sure who you are anymore I just… just don't."

"Fuck," Puck swore to himself, gripping his hair in agitation as Kurt left the choir room.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	14. I'm Rachel Berry

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee, shocking right?**

**Thank you kindly for your reviews**

**New chapter, yay, enjoy!**

**Chapter 14-I'm Rachel Berry**

Finding Quinn, Puck pulled her into an empty bathroom before informing her all about his most recent interaction with Kurt.

"You tried to kiss him?" Quinn asked her eyes going wide. "Are you insane? Noah, you can't make a move on a gay guy when you're in a girl's body, it just won't work."

"I know, it was dumb," Puck admitted, "I just thought maybe if he kissed me… I don't know. I guess I was hoping that if I could get just one kiss from him then everything might be ok."

"Does Rachel know yet?" Quinn sighed and Puck shook his head. "What about Finn?"

"No, not unless Kurt's told him," Puck replied, "but I don't think Kurt's going to say anything to anybody. I think I've just freaked him out."

"Have you considered telling him the truth?" Quinn asked tentatively.

"I've thought about it," Puck nodded, "but this whole body swap shit is crazy. If it wasn't happening to me I wouldn't believe it myself. I'm still amazed you and my sister managed to believe this crap so easily. I don't know if Kurt would believe it, and even if he did I don't see how it would help. He's not gonna be attracted to me while I have a fucking vagina."

"This body swap deal won't be forever, it can't be," Quinn replied, "you and Rachel just need to really put your heads together and think all this through so you can reverse whatever happened. And I'll help you as best as I can. There must be a way to get you back in your own body."

"There better be," Puck groaned, "if I don't get my cock back so I can jerk off soon then I swear I'm gonna die. Ow," he yelped as Quinn hit him round the back of the head.

"Don't talk like that, Noah," Quinn reprimanded, "now come on. We'd better find Rachel and let her know about the added drama you've potentially caused by trying to put the moves on Kurt."

Arm in arm with Quinn, Puck walked out of the girls' bathroom, hair hanging loose around his face as he stared at the ground, scuffing his ballet flats on the tiled floor as he moved along.

"Hey, Rachel, what the hell is going on?" Finn demanded to know storming up to them.

Puck shot a panicked look to Quinn and edged to the side a little so he was partially hiding behind her.

"What do you want, Finn?" Quinn asked on Puck's behalf, unlinking their arms and threading their fingers together instead.

"Stay out of this Quinn, this isn't about you," Finn said earning himself a heated glare, "is it true what Kurt told me?" Finn asked staring down at Puck.

"Um… I don't know," Puck shrugged while his mind was simply thinking _'shit'_.

"He just told me you tried to kiss him," Finn retorted accusingly just as the real Rachel came walking down the corridor, quickly making her way over to join them.

"Well… I…" Puck stammered looking to Quinn for help but she only seemed capable of squeezing his hand in a gesture of comfort.

"And what the hell is this?" Finn huffed pointing down at Puck and Quinn's conjoined hands. "You two are supposed to hate each other, not be all… all… you're not supposed to be like Santana and Brittany."

"What's wrong with Santana and Brittany?" Puck asked defensively.

"Nothing," Finn answered as Rachel joined them, "Puck, go away, man, and take Quinn with you. Rachel and I need to talk."

"I'm sorry Finn but I shall not be departing your company any time soon," Rachel responded folding her arms across her chest, "will somebody please inform me as to what is going on."

"None of your business dude," Finn said not making eye-contact as he inched away from Rachel, probably still a little nervous around the girl in Puck's body ever since she'd kissed Finn in the auditorium. "Rachel, just come talk to me," Finn sighed looking down at Puck.

"I… that probably isn't a good idea right now," Puck answered looking between Quinn and the real Rachel, silently hoping for one of the girls to step in and save the situation.

"Damn it, Rachel, just tell me the truth, did you try and kiss Kurt?" Finn asked throwing his hands in the air and looking ready to kick something.

"What?" Rachel blanched and Puck sent her an apologetic look. "No, of course not. That's ridiculous, Finn. I would never do that. I mean Puck would never… no, no, I mean Rachel would never do something like that. Right, Rachel?"

"Sweetie, stop talking," Quinn advised.

"Rachel, just tell me," Finn demanded again, stepping forward and taking a painful grip on Puck's borrowed arms and shaking him rather forcefully.

"Ouch, cut it out," Puck hissed shoving Finn off, "Finn, that hurt," he complained as he rubbed his arms.

"Tell me the truth," Finn cried out sounding increasingly more agitated.

"Finn, just calm down, people are staring," Rachel pointed out as crowds of students formed in the area watching them curiously.

"Nothing is going on between Rachel and Kurt," Quinn spoke up, "I promise you that. So just let it go, Finn."

"No, no, something's going on," Finn insisted, "Kurt wouldn't lie to me."

"Maybe Kurt's just confused," Rachel suggested reaching a hand up to play with her hair but finding Puck's mohawk instead.

"We should all just get to class," Quinn said decisively and the real Rachel nodded in agreement, more than prepared to follow Quinn's lead but Finn clearly wasn't ready to let the subject matter go.

"No way, I'm not going to class until someone explains to me just what the hell is going on here," Finn stated looking between all three of them, suspicion mixed with hurt and anger burning in his eyes.

"Finn, please, it's nothing bad," Rachel tried to tell him, resting a hand on his arm only for it to be shaken off, "it isn't what you think, I promise. I still lo-… Rachel is still crazy about you and Kurt is Rachel's best friend and your brother. That's all there is to it, Finn."

"Exactly," Quinn agreed, "you and Rachel are sickeningly in love and Kurt is your gay step-brother. Now let's get to class."

"Look me in the eye and tell me what Kurt said isn't true," Finn demanded staring down at Puck.

"Finn, it's complicated," Puck replied.

"Then explain it to me," Finn retorted, "help me understand what the hell is going on. Just be honest with me, Rachel, did you try and kiss Kurt or not?"

"Yes," Puck admitted in a whisper and the real Rachel bit down on her lip as she watched the hurt and anger pass over Finn's face.

"Why?" Finn asked glaring down at Puck in a very similar way to how he had glared at Quinn after hearing the truth about not being the father of her child.

"Because," Puck replied quietly, the rest of his sentence coming out as an indistinguishable mumble.

"Because, what, Rach, speak up," Finn spat impatiently just as Kurt and Mercedes pushed their way to the front of the nearby onlookers to see and hear what was going on.

"Because I think I'm falling for him ok," Puck answered.

Before he could even regret his words, a sharp sting of pain burst across his cheek and multiple gasps of shock and outrage sounded through the corridor as he was knocked to the ground from the force of the blow. On his knees, Puck simply clutched to his throbbing cheek in utter shock, tears stinging in his eyes from the pain. He heard the sound of a choked sob and it took a few seconds for his mind to register that the noise had not come from him, but from the real Rachel, standing upright in his body with her hands over her mouth having just witnessed her boyfriend smack her body across the face.

"I… I'm sorry," Finn apologised milliseconds later dropping to his knees and reaching his hands out to cradle Puck's face.

"Just get out of here, Finn," Quinn snapped at him fiercely shoving his hand away.

"But… but… I didn't mean to," Finn said looking tearful as numerous pairs of eyes cast judging looks over him. "Rachel, please, I'm so sorry."

"Finn, go!" Quinn yelled at him and the lanky teenager skulked off keeping his head down low. "Move along people, there's nothing to see!" she barked at the nosy onlookers and they hastily moved on to their classes. "Noah, are you ok?" she whispered to Puck as she helped him to stand and he gave her a reassuring nod as he smoothed out his dress.

"Hey, are you ok?" Puck asked stepping up to a still shell-shocked Rachel and resting a hand on her muscular bicep.

"He hit me," Rachel replied in a miserable whisper looking at him with tearful eyes. "I mean, it wasn't me inside and I didn't physically feel it, but it was still me on the outside and he thought he was hitting me and I… I really felt it emotionally. It hurts so badly."

"It's ok, babe," Puck said soothingly pulling her into a light embrace, "it's ok."

Quinn stood with them, quietly rubbing Rachel's back and sharing concerned looks with Puck.

"Rachel?" Kurt asked cautiously from where he had been standing when the slap had occurred. Rachel, in Puck's body, looked round to face the ivory skinned boy. "Are… are you, Rachel?" Kurt asked her, his words quiet as though he was uncertain about whether or not he should even ask the absurd sounding question.

"Yes," Rachel nodded as tears fell from her borrowed eyes, "I'm Rachel Berry, I'm in here," she sobbed gesturing down at her teenage boy body.

"Oh, sweetie," Kurt sighed gathering her muscular body into his arms and running a hand comfortingly through her mohawk. "I'm so sorry."

"Nobody noticed," Rachel whimpered into his shoulder, "nobody could see me. I've been feeling so lost. And Finn… he hit me."

"Don't worry, he won't get away with it," Kurt promised, "I'm definitely telling my dad and Carole."

"Oh, Noah, that's gonna bruise, sweetie," Quinn pointed out looking at the mark Finn had left on Puck's face, "come on, I'll show you how to cover it with make-up," she offered taking his hand.

"Feel better, babe," Puck said to Rachel squeezing her shoulder gently, "um, Kurt, could we maybe talk later?" he asked a little shyly.

"Oh, sure," Kurt nodded his eyes widening in realisation and his mind registering that every recent weirdness between him and Rachel had in fact been between himself and Noah Puckerman.

"Ok, great," Puck smiled in relief, "um, dinner tonight, at Breadsticks maybe?"

Kurt gulped nervously and looked to Quinn who smiled softly and gave a small nod. He then looked to the Pucked-up version of Rachel who offered an encouraging smile despite the tears still falling down her masculine face.

"Ok," Kurt agreed, "I'd like that," he smiled.

Puck grinned back before heading away to the bathroom with Quinn and leaving Kurt to comfort Rachel.

"I could get used to this," Kurt commented to himself as he continued to embrace Rachel's borrowed body.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	15. When Hands Tingle

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**As always, thank you for reviewing**

**I warn you now, it may be a while before I can update again : (**

**But I WILL return and continue/finish**

**This fic will NOT be abandoned but there may be a hiatus**

**Chapter 15-When Hands Tingle:**

"I really don't know what to wear," Puck said as he looked through Rachel's wardrobe.

"I still think you should go with the little black dress," Quinn advised, "it's a classic."

"Do you really think it's a good idea for me to wear a skirt or a dress?" Puck asked. "I mean, Kurt knows who I am now. He's a boy, I'm really a boy and we both wanna be all gay and stuff. If I wear a dress it might put him off. Maybe I should try wearing something a little more guy-like."

"No way, you'll make Man-Hands look even more ridiculous than usual," Quinn remarked, "no offence Rachel," she added looking to a photograph of the girl that was displayed on the bedroom wall. "Look Noah, just because Kurt has agreed to have dinner with you doesn't mean you'll be in his pants by the end of the night. This situation is complicated. I know you're a guy, a really great guy when you let people see it, but right now you've just got to girl it up a little. And Kurt appreciates fashion so you may as well find something cute to wear."

"The little black dress?" Puck asked strongly suspecting that Quinn wouldn't allow him to wear anything else.

"The little black dress," Quinn confirmed with a smile before turning her back so he could put it on.

"Thank Satan for this make-up stuff," Puck commented after he'd changed and looked to himself in the mirror, "I really didn't wanna have to explain to Rachel's two dads why there's a bruise on her face."

"I can't believe Finn would hit Rachel," Quinn replied shaking her head in disgust, "I always knew he had a bit of a temper but… I never imagined him to do something like that. Look at you, you get angry all the time but you'd never strike a woman. You just damage school property or set things on fire."

"Maybe it wasn't Finn's fault," Puck suggested and he hurried to explain himself when Quinn scowled at him, "I'm not saying what he did was ok. No man should ever hit a girl. But maybe one of those little cells in Finn's brain could tell that it wasn't really Rachel in this body. Maybe a part of him could sense it was me and he just lashed out."

"Well I don't care if Finn could sense it was really you or not," Quinn commented, "he never should have hit Rachel even if it was you on the inside. When you two get your own bodies back that girl better break up with him."

"Q, she loves him," Puck pointed out.

"She _thinks _she loves him," Quinn corrected, "just like I thought I loved him. Just like I thought I loved you and I thought I loved Sam. If you ask me I think Rachel was much better suited with Jesse. I know he was a jerk for egging her but he appreciated her and cared about her in a way Finn doesn't."

"Maybe," Puck shrugged, "but it's up to Rachel what she wants to do about Finn. I swear if I was in my own body right now I'd kick his ass for hitting her. But I honestly don't think he'd have hit the real Rachel, I really believe some part of him could instinctively tell that it was really me he was hitting."

"Either way, Finn still made a major jerk move today," Quinn stated simply. "Now," she said putting on a smile as she changed the subject, "let's do your hair and make-up before you meet Kurt."

"Think you can make me look like a badass?" Puck asked.

"Not in that body," Quinn shook her head.

"Fine, then make me look fabulous," Puck requested.

XXX

Up in Kurt's bedroom, Rachel sat tentatively on her friend's bed hugging a pillow to her chest and sipping on a glass of water as she heard the argument going on downstairs. After school, Kurt had invited Rachel over to the Hummel-Hudson household and as soon as Burt returned home from work Kurt had let him know about the incident at school. Finn hadn't come straight home that day so Carole was back to hear what had happened before her son showed up. As soon as Finn stepped through the door, both parents were telling him off for his unacceptable behaviour. A full blown argument had soon escalated and Rachel had been sitting with Kurt in his bedroom listening to the entire thing.

"Maybe it would be best to try and ignore it," Kurt suggested quietly. He found it incredibly peculiar to look at his bed and see the body of Noah Puckerman sitting at the edge of it. He found it even more bizarre to look at Noah Puckerman's body and know that Rachel Berry was trapped inside of it.

"Can't you hear the things he's saying?" Rachel asked referring to Finn's outraged yells echoing from downstairs. "It sounds like he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," Kurt told her, "he's just confused. And he was completely wrong to hit you… or Puck or… it was wrong for him to lash out like that. But his confusion over the situation is understandable. Normally the two of you are inseparable. You'd always follow Finn around and I guess he never truly appreciated your company until this body swap happened. You've been distant with him, or at least Puck has been distant with him in your body. Puck, as you, has been spending the majority of his time with me. It makes sense that Finn would be upset to learn that the person he believes to be his girlfriend tried to kiss me."

"Why did you have to tell Finn that Noah wanted to kiss you?" Rachel asked after a long gulp of her water.

"I'm sorry," Kurt sighed, "I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so confused myself. I really thought it was you asking to kiss me and I didn't really know how best to respond to the insane situation. Finn's my step-brother; you're one of my best friends and his girlfriend. You trying to kiss me just felt… it was insane ok. At the time I felt like Finn should know but I now realise I made a mistake in saying anything. I really am sorry, Rachel."

"It isn't your fault," Rachel acknowledged, "this whole thing, you're not to blame for any of it. It must be something to do with Noah and myself. This must be some horrible Jewish punishment for something we did. Let's face it, I'm selfish and annoying, that alone should be enough to afford me such an extravagant punishment from some higher power."

"You're not being punished," Kurt said.

"You only say that because you don't believe in any kind of God," Rachel replied.

"True, I do not believe in God," Kurt nodded, "but I believe in the wondrous talent that is Rachel Berry. For all your faults, you remain one of the most fabulous human beings I have ever met. There is no way you could be the subject of some higher powers punishment."

"Then how do you explain my current predicament?" Rachel asked him.

"I honestly can't," Kurt admitted, "if I think about you and Puck being stuck as each other too much it makes my brain hurt. I'm just accepting the situation for what it is, no questions asked. If I try to analyse it my brain will explode and in doing so mess up my hair and ruin my fabulous hat."

"So you wouldn't happen to have any suggestions on how to return me to my own body then?" Rachel asked glumly as she finished her water.

"I'm sorry to say I don't," Kurt answered, "I wish I could be of greater assistance but this isn't a fashion disaster I can come along and fix up. This is something otherworldly and beyond my understanding. I think the only thing to do is wait until you go back to normal."

Rachel made to reply when Finn yelled out some particularly vicious words about how Rachel was spending too much time with Kurt and Quinn.

"He doesn't sound happy," Rachel stated unnecessarily.

"No," Kurt agreed offering the girl-turned-boy a sympathetic smile. "From what I can deduce from all we've heard, it sounds as though Finn suspects you and Quinn of having a lesbian affair."

"Well she did kiss me," Rachel informed him and Kurt couldn't help but smile in amusement, "she thought that I was Noah," Rachel quickly explained. "Ever since she found out the truth about who's who she's pretty much ignored me like usual. She's spending most of her time with Noah now. It just looks odd because Noah is in my body."

"Everything will work out, Rachel, I'm sure of it," Kurt told her reassuringly just before they heard Finn whine about all the punishment he was going to receive. "Care to help me select an appropriate outfit for my dinner with Mr. Puckelberry?" Kurt asked Rachel in order to take her mind off of all things Finn.

"Yeah, yeah I'd be honoured," Rachel nodded.

After almost an hour of careful consideration, Kurt finally selected something to wear. Satisfied with his outfit choice, he gave a twirl to show his designer clothes off to Rachel.

"You look very handsome," Rachel told him and Kurt just tilted his head to the side in amusement. "What?" Rachel asked self-consciously upon receiving Kurt's bemused look.

"Sorry," Kurt apologised shaking his head, "it just feels so strange to hear Noah Puckerman's voice compliment me like that."

"Well you should try peeing with his penis," Rachel said, "that is deeply disturbing and completely unnatural when you're really a teenage girl."

"It isn't that difficult," Kurt told her, "you just need to hold it gently and take aim. I'm sure Puck experiencing your period was a thousand times more traumatic than you having to pee while standing up."

"My birth mother kissed me," Rachel replied, "I think that is more psychologically damaging than Noah getting my period. Noah really likes you, you know. I for one think the two of you could make a really cute couple if you gave him a chance. I've already composed a list of appropriate duets for you two to sing together and perform in Glee Club."

"Ok, slow down, Rachel," Kurt instructed, "I know I've agreed to have dinner with Puck tonight but at the moment that is all it is. Just two team mates having dinner together."

"Oh please, it's definitely more than just that," Rachel smiled, "why else would you be all dressed up and looking your absolute best?"

"Every outing is an opportunity for fashion," Kurt answered with a defensive tone, "and I always strive to look my best."

"Admit it, you like him don't you," Rachel pressed seeming to cheer up a little as she interrogated her friend, "I can tell you like him by the way you keep eyeing up his muscular body. I can't say I blame you," she mused as she flexed her biceps, "his arms really are lovely. And check out his abs," she giggled before lifting her shirt up to reveal Puck's tanned abdomen.

"Rachel," Kurt tried to reprimand her but the effect was lost when he giggled along with her as he took the opportunity to have a feel of Puck's abs and strong forearms. "He does have a rather appealing body," Kurt admitted before threading his fingers with Rachel's borrowed ones and admiring the contrast of their skin colour.

"It's weird," Rachel commented looking her friend in the eye, "when you hold my hand, it starts tingling. I think its Noah's body responding to your touch."

XXX

"Noah, hello, I'm trying to give you advice on how to behave towards Kurt tonight, I'd appreciate it if you actually listened to me," Quinn complained waving her hand in front of Puck's face to gain his attention.

"Sorry, babe," Puck replied flexing out Rachel's hand, "I just had this weird tingly feeling. So what were you saying?"

"Never mind," Quinn sighed, "let's just go or you'll be late. Come on, I'll drive you there and then Kurt can be a gentleman and give you a lift back home."

"Hey, vagina and little boobs aside, I'm not really a chick," Puck pointed out.

"That doesn't mean Kurt can't be a gentleman," Quinn retorted, "and I'm sure you won't object to extra alone time with him."

"Good point," Puck nodded snatching up his clutch bag containing his purse, cell phone and keys along with a tube of lip-gloss. "Let's go, Lucy Q."

XXX

"I have to be honest, I'm feeling a little nervous," Kurt confessed as he parked his Navigator in the Breadsticks parking lot.

"Relax, you already know that Noah likes you," Rachel said.

"But now I have to work out how I feel for him," Kurt replied, "and I don't think it's going to be that easy. I'm not entirely sure if this counts as a date but it definitely doesn't feel romantic. It might be Puck I'm spending my evening with but it will be your body. You're like a sister to me so that's bound to be off-putting."

"Just enjoy one another's company tonight," Rachel advised, "there is absolutely no pressure for anything physical or sexual to happen; especially since it's my body rather than Noah's. Just enjoy yourself, Mr. Hummel."

"Indeed I shall try, Miss Puckelberry," Kurt responded before stepping out of the car.

"There they are," Rachel announced pointing across the lot where Puck was stepping out of Quinn's car wearing a little black dress. "I look quite pretty."

"You're always pretty when you're not wearing a hideous animal sweater," Kurt told her as they walked to meet Puck and Quinn.

"Hey," Puck greeted as the four of them came to stand in a diamond formation.

"Good evening," Kurt replied politely, "so, shall we head inside?"

"Sure," Puck nodded smiling at Rachel and then squeezing Quinn's hand quickly.

"Have fun, sweetie," Quinn told him offering him a quick hug before giving a gentle push so that both Puck and Kurt headed towards the doors of the restaurant.

"Um, Quinn," Rachel asked after the two boys had disappeared inside, "could you maybe give me a ride home?"

Quinn looked up at Rachel and rolled her eyes before giving a brief nod and leading the way back to her car.

XXX

Inside the restaurant, Puck and Kurt had found themselves a table for two sitting right below the air conditioning. The cool air blowing down on them felt pleasant enough, but it did mean that the nipples on Puck's borrowed breasts became erect. Looking down at his menu, Puck discreetly glanced across at Kurt trying to see if his nipples had stiffened from all the cool air but he was disappointed to see they hadn't.

"Ready to order?" Kurt asked and Puck could hear in the boy's voice that he was nervous.

"Yeah," Puck nodded and Kurt snapped his fingers to signal one of the waitresses.

The woman took down their orders before heading away, leaving the two teenage boys sitting in a tense silence. Kurt kept surveying the room, pretending to appear interested in the décor while Puck shifted around and fidgeted in his seat, desperately trying to pluck up the courage to either say something or just stretch his arm out to take a hold of Kurt's hand. In the end, Puck settled for crunching on a breadstick and dropping crumbs down his cleavage as a result.

"This is ridiculous," Kurt finally commented and Puck winced.

"Sorry, maybe we should just go," Puck replied.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Kurt said quickly and Puck lifted his eyes to look at the countertenor. "I only meant that it's ridiculous that we're seemingly incapable of verbal communication. We've been conversing without any trouble for weeks now, tonight shouldn't be any different."

"Yeah but you thought I was the real Rachel," Puck pointed out; "if you knew it was actually me we wouldn't have talked the way we did."

"Perhaps not," Kurt acknowledged, "but we did. And I'd like for us to be able to continue talking to one another. Not as Kurt and Rachel this time thought. I'd like for us to talk as Kurt Hummel and Noah Puckerman."

"Ok," Puck agreed finally daring to reach for Kurt's hand, bashing his knuckles on the pot of breadsticks as he did so.

"How… how does that feel?" Kurt asked quietly studying Puck's feminine face carefully.

"It sorta tingles," Puck answered staring down at their conjoined hands, "in a good way. I like it."

XXX

"You're not listening to a word I'm saying are you?" Quinn demanded to know as she drove Rachel home.

"Sorry," Rachel apologised distractedly flexing out her hand, "my hand was tingling."

"Fascinating," Quinn quipped turning the corner, "now as I was saying, you really need to think long and hard about your relationship with Finn. What he did today was _not _acceptable and as irritating as you are you do not deserve to be treated that way."

XXX

Back at Breadsticks, Kurt and Puck's food arrived, the waitress casting Puck a funny look as she set his meal in front of him.

"What was her deal?" Puck asked.

"She's the waitress who usually serves me, Rachel and Mercedes," Kurt explained, "and Rachel always selects a vegan meal. So with all the meat you've ordered today it must look really weird. Then there's also the fact that we've been holding hands when I am so obviously gay and you are, at least in body form, a girl."

"When I get my proper hot male body back," Puck said, "will you still hold hands with me then?"

"We'll see," Kurt replied unable to fight away the smile or the blush that claimed his pale cheeks.

_I think this is going good, _Puck thought to himself as he engaged Kurt in a game of footsie under the table.

Throughout dinner, the two teenagers quickly became more at ease with one another and the conversation really began to flow. By the time their dessert arrived, the two of them were laughing so hard they had tears leaking from the corners of their eyes and their stomachs were aching. At times, Kurt almost forgot that it was Rachel's body across from him, but every time he'd look over expecting to see Puck's face it was still Rachel Berry's eyes, mouth and nose gazing back at him.

"Here, you just have to try this, its delicious," Kurt insisted gathering a bite of his dessert onto his fork and feeding it to Puck.

Parting his lips, Puck accepted the mouthful and found that it really was delicious just as Kurt had claimed.

"Mmm," Puck moaned at the taste, some of the cream escaping the corner of his mouth and dripping a little.

"Told you," Kurt commented smugly as he stretched his hand out and caught the cream with his thumb, wiping Puck's face clean.

"Does this count as a date?" Puck asked suddenly and Kurt blinked a few times before letting out a nervous sound of laughter.

"I guess," Kurt answered, "most probably the most peculiar first date that could ever be… but yes. I think we can count it as an odd and complicated but still ultimately fabulous date."

"Cool," Puck responded sounding relieved. "Even in the wrong body and with all the weirdness this is by far the best date I've ever been on."

"Because of the all-you-can-eat breadsticks or because of the delicious dessert?" Kurt asked.

"Because of you," Puck replied and Kurt flushed pink as he let out another sound of nervous laughter.

They had another round of drinks before asking for the bill and splitting the cost between them. They then made their way back out to the parking-lot, their hands finding one another along the way.

"Is this ok?" Puck asked gesturing down to their clasped hands.

"It's strange," Kurt answered honestly, "but if I don't look at Rachel's face too much and just concentrate on the fact it's really you… it feels kind of nice… more than nice."

Puck just smiled as they slipped into Kurt's car and had a brief playful fight over music selection before heading in the direction of the Berry household. Parking outside the Berry's house, Kurt and Puck turned to one another, neither making an effort to leave just yet and put an end to their odd little date.

"Thank you for today," Kurt said, "I really had a nice time. Everything still seems weird and crazy to me but… I really enjoyed myself."

"I'm glad," Puck smiled, "tonight was awesome. Any time I spend with you is awesome."

They fell into a comfortable silence, Kurt absentmindedly running his fingers through Puck's long hair as he rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. It was only when his neck started to ache that Puck lifted his head to look Kurt in the eye again, the other blinking a little as though surprised to see Rachel's face rather than Puck's even though he was well aware of the body swap fiasco.

"Kurt?" Puck asked tentatively and Kurt let out a 'hmm' to indicate that he was listening. _Ask him, _Puck tried to encourage himself, _just ask him. Ask him for a kiss. Just do it. _"Um… goodnight, Kurt," he said losing his nerve. _Smooth, Puckerman, real smooth_.

"Goodnight," Kurt replied squeezing Puck's hand gently before watching the boy-turned-girl walk up to the front door in his little black dress.

Driving on home, Kurt tried to puzzle out his thoughts and work out how he felt for Noah Puckerman. By the time he got home and settled down in his bed for sleep, he still didn't have an answer.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	16. Weirdness and Apologies

**Disclaimer-I still don't own Glee, this bothers me : (**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone**

**Finally we have an update, yay! So sorry it took so long**

**Updates still won't be as regular/fast as I'd like but the next chapter will definitely be quicker than the wait for this one was**

**Hope you enjoy :D**

**Chapter 16-Weirdness and Apologies**

"Something really weird is going on," Artie commented in the cafeteria at lunch time.

"You think?" Mercedes asked sarcastically staring across the room.

"That is so gay and so disturbing," Santana remarked snidely with a disgusted look on her face and her arms folded across her chest.

"My hot dog is cold," Brittany complained with a pout.

"Seriously, what is going on with them?" Tina asked looking across to where Kurt, Rachel, Puck and Quinn were sat together all deep in conversation and occasionally laughing with one another.

"Alright, you asked for it, Hummel," Puck remarked before pushing his chair back and standing to the full height Rachel's body allowed him and straddling Kurt's lap.

"Oh my god," Quinn snorted with laughter as she watched the display through her fingers.

"Noah, stop," Kurt whispered urgently through his laughter as the boy currently trapped in his female friend's body gave him a lap dance in front of the entire congregation of the cafeteria.

"_Damn, you're a sexy chick,_" Puck sang as he whipped his long borrowed hair around in what he hoped was a seductive fashion. "_A sexy chick, damn, you're a sexy chick, damn girl!_"

"This is so wrong," Rachel remarked with a shake of her head, "with my vocals he should be singing that song at a completely different range."

"Or simply not at all," Quinn laughed very much enjoying the sight of Puck writhing around on Kurt's lap while in Rachel's body.

"Am I turning you on, Hummel?" Puck asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I most certainly hope not," Rachel responded dropping her head to the table rather than watching the provocative things Puck was doing with her body. As for Kurt, all he seemed capable of doing was laughing hysterically much like Quinn was.

"Is it possible to un-see things?" Artie asked from across the cafeteria as he removed his glasses to give them a thorough polishing.

"What the hell?" Finn asked aggressively as he walked into the room to catch the unusual display.

With a hard glare fixed upon his face he stormed across the room to the table that featured Kurt receiving a lap dance from Rachel Berry.

"What do you think you're doing with my girlfriend?" Finn demanded to know as he yanked Rachel (who was really Puck) off of Kurt's lap.

"Dude, I'm not your girlfriend," Puck responded while the real Rachel stood up nervously unsure of what to do.

"Just go away, Finn," Quinn said standing up with her hands on her hips.

"You can't tell me what to do," Finn retorted.

"What are you going to do, Finn?" Quinn asked tilting her head to the side and not bothering to keep her voice down. "Are you going to hit me like you hit Rachel the other day?"

"Shut up, no, I didn't mean to hit her," Finn babbled, "this is Kurt's fault."

"How?" Kurt questioned defensively.

"Because you've been trying to put the moves on my girlfriend," Finn said pointing a finger accusingly.

"Hudson, come on," Azimio interjected from a nearby table, "Hummel's totally one hundred percent gay. There's no way he's putting the moves on your girl. So just calm down and eat some food. The jello's good."

Aware that all eyes were trained upon him, Finn hung his head low and stormed back out of the cafeteria.

"Finn is starting to pose somewhat of a problem," Rachel said quietly sitting back down and prodding her fork at her vegan meal.

"Want me to officially break up with him for you?" Puck asked.

"Thank you for the offer, Noah, but I'll handle the situation myself just as soon as we're returned to our normal forms." Rachel replied.

"What if that never happens?" Quinn asked flipping her hair off of her shoulders. "What if this is a permanent change?"

"Quinn," Kurt sighed shaking his head at her.

"I know nobody wants to believe that this is forever," Quinn said, "but at this point I think we have to consider it as a possibility. You've been stuck like this for weeks and there has been no indication that you're going to magically go back to normal."

"Na-uh," Puck argued, "my hand was totally tingling the other day. I think that means something."

"Sweetie, you probably just had pins and needles," Quinn replied.

"No, I felt it too," Rachel spoke up, "when Kurt and Noah were on their date. Maybe if Noah spends more time with Kurt this thing will sort itself out."

"No way, that's too easy," Quinn rejected the idea with a shake of her head, "it can't be something that simple. You definitely have to do something too."

"I think I'm starting to understand what I have to do," Rachel said quietly, "I have to keep away from Finn."

"But you're barely around Finn in my sexy ass body anyway," Puck pointed out.

"Ok, then I need to accept your offer after all," Rachel replied, "Noah, I need you to break up with Finn for me."

XXX

"Rachel, sweetie, are you sure you want to do this?" Kurt asked gently stroking his friends mohawk in a soothing fashion.

"Of course she's sure," Quinn answered on Rachel's behalf, "Finn's been a complete jerk lately. Was I the only watching when he hit her annoying Jewish girl body? Rachel, I don't even like you and I can't quite believe I'm saying this but… you can do better than Finn."

"Maybe you could look that St James kid up," Puck suggested, "he was kinda cute." The other three turned to stare at him with raised eyebrows; Kurt's stare slightly more vicious than that of Rachel and Quinn's. "Not as hot as you though," Puck added winking at Kurt.

"Thank you, Noah," Kurt replied before turning back to Rachel, "this has to be your decision. Are you sure you want to end things with Finn?"

"Quinn's right," Rachel sighed, "it's the right thing to do. And I don't need to have a boyfriend anyway. I should be focusing on my career and further increasing my talent so I can be the best that I can be."

"Right, whatever," Puck said, "um, any advice on how to break up with another dude that you're not even really dating?"

"Noah Puckerman," Quinn spoke up, "you have dated numerous girls and successfully broken their hearts. Just say to Finn whatever it is you usually say to girls."

"Ok, I got this," Puck nodded confidently turning to go in search of Finn.

"Wait," Rachel interrupted, "what if Finn gets mad and hits our Puckelberry face again?"

"Then I'll kick his lopsided ass," Puck replied circling an arm around Rachel's middle. "I'll take care of this, babe, trust me." He then pressed a kiss to Rachel's cheek, though technically it was his own, before walking away to find Finn.

After a quick search of the football field and a disturbing trip to the locker room where he was unfortunate enough to see Azimio naked, Puck made his way to the choir room and found his once best friend taking out his anger on the drum kit.

"What do you want?" Finn demanded to know hitting the drum so hard he snapped the drumstick.

"We need to have a conversation," Puck replied hoisting himself on to the piano and swinging his legs back and forth.

"About what?" Finn asked still sounding grumpy.

"About the breakdown of our relationship," Puck answered, "an ending that was always inevitable."

"Huh?" Finn questioned dumbly.

"I don't think we should be together anymore Finn," Puck explained, "I'm breaking up with you." _Man, this is the weirdest break up speech I've ever done,_ Puck thought.

"No, no you can't break up with me," Finn argued, "Rachel, please, I love you. You know I do. Just tell me what to do and I'll prove it. A song, I can sing you a song. Any song you want, even if it's by Celine Dion or Barbara Straightland."

"Barbara Streisand," Puck corrected as automatically and passionately as the real Rachel would have done. "And we're over Finn, I'm sorry."

"If this is because I hit you I _swear_ it will _never_ happen again," Finn replied pleadingly. "Please, Rachel, just give me one more chance."

"It's too late," Puck answered hopping down off of the piano and turning to leave the room.

XXX

In a nearby deserted corridor, Rachel, in Puck's body, began to sing.

"_I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground,_" she coiled her masculine hand around a rope that happened to fall from the ceiling and it hoisted her high into the air. "_And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound._" Back in the choir room, Puck was listening to Finn's pleading unable to find the right words to say back to him. "_You tell that you need me, then you go and cut me down,_" Rachel fell from the rope but landed safely on her feet. "_But wait… You tell that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around… and say…_"

"It's too late to apologise," Puck told Finn.

"_It's too late,_" Rachel sang from the doorway of the choir room, Puck and Finn unable to hear her. "_I said it's too late to apologise, it's too late. I'd take another chance,_" she turned around to find herself in the auditorium."_Take a fall,_" she fell backwards off the stage where two football players were waiting to catch her. "_Take a shot for you,_" the football players through a slushee in her face.

"_I need you like a heart needs a beat, but its nothing new, yeah,_" Rachel sang as she stood alone in the girls' bathroom, Noah Puckerman's reflection staring back at her from the bathroom mirror. "_I loved you with a fire red, now its turning blue. And you say… sorry like an angel heaven let me think was you… But I'm afraid…_"

"It's too late to apologise," Puck repeated to Finn in the choir room. "It's too late."

"_I said it's too late to apologise, it's too late,_" Rachel sang standing unheard by the choir room door once more. "_I said it's too late to apologise, yeah! I said it's too late to apologise, yeah! I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground._"

"Rachel, please," Finn begged before reaching forward and pulling Puck into a kiss.

"Oh gross," Puck managed to say before Finn shoved him away.

"You're not Rachel," Finn remarked accusingly.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	17. Aliens, Robots and CatWoman?

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you very much for reviewing**

**Here's a new update and my boyfriend will be starting evening courses at college soon so I'll have decent writing time again and should be able to update regularly again. Yay!**

**Chapter 17-Alien, Robot, Cat-Woman?**

"She's not Rachel!"Finn screeched at the top of his lungs as he ran haphazardly through the corridors. "She's not Rachel! It's a fake! A robot, or an alien, or maybe a body stealing leprechaun or something else, I don't know. But it's not…" he doubled over with his hands on his knees and took a few moments to breathe. "It's not Rachel. Not Rachel."

"Finn's going hella crazy," Mercedes commented.

"I think we should slap him," Santana suggested.

"Nobody is slapping anybody," Mr. Schue interjected coming to stand by Finn's side and ushering anyone who wasn't a member of the Glee Club away. "Finn, what's going on?"

"It's her," Finn claimed whirling round to point at Puck who had followed him from the choir room. "But it's _not _her," Finn continued to say pulling a face of pure confusion. "She isn't Rachel."

"What's he talking about?" Mike asked looking to Tina who merely shrugged in response.

"That isn't Rachel," Finn insisted pointing at Puck and Quinn and Kurt shared a nervous look while the other Glee Clubbers stared. "Who are you?" Finn demanded to know stepping up to Puck and gripping him by the arms. "What did you do to her? Where is she? Where is she?" He repeated shaking Puck back and forth until Sam and Mr. Schue stepped forward to pull him off. "Where's Rachel?"

"Dude, just calm down," Sam advised.

"Finn," Rachel said with a sigh from where she stood trapped in Puck's body. "It's me, I'm here."

"Not now, Puck," Mr. Schue said dismissively, "Finn, I need you to calm down and explain to me what's going on."

"I've already told you, that's not Rachel," Finn huffed in agitation.

"Uh oh, he looks like he's gonna kick a chair over," Mercedes pointed out.

"Protect me," Artie pleaded rolling behind her as his wheelchair was the only one in sight.

"Come on everybody, into the choir room," Mr. Schue ordered, "we'll figure this out."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Quinn whispered to Kurt linking her arm with his.

"Me too," Kurt replied, "and my outfit definitely doesn't match whatever drama is about to unfold."

Lead by Mr. Schue, the Glee Club filed their way into the choir room and sat down. Standing before them, Mr. Schue rubbed his butt chin trying to think of something to say as he carefully studied Finn who was rocking in his chair slightly looking somewhat deranged.

"Perhaps Finn or Rachel should begin with a song to really address what they're feeling right now," Mr. Schue suggested which caused the others to roll their eyes and groan, including the real Rachel who normally seized every opportunity to perform a solo.

"Singing ain't gonna help with this drama, Mr. Schue," Mercedes informed him.

"True that," Artie agreed.

"Ok, Finn, explain to me again why you're so upset," Mr. Schue said gently.

"I'm not upset," Finn protested, "isn't anybody listening to me? That's not Rachel. Something's stolen her body. We need to get her back."

"Finn, that's crazy," Sam pointed out.

"No, it's true," Finn replied adamantly. "There's some mind controlling alien inside of her, or a body possessing ghost type thing. We need to get it out."

"Right sure," Santana agreed sarcastically, "let's just cut the dwarf up until the real little hobbit bounces out and sings us to death. Great plan."

"Stop looking at me like I'm crazy," Finn responded glaring at those in the room who were casting him disbelieving looks. "I know Rachel better than any of you and that's not her."

"Don't be ridiculous, Finn, of course I'm Rachel, who else would I be?" Puck asked.

"Maybe she's Barbara Streisand," Santana joked.

"Or she's possessed like in The Exorcist," Artie grinned.

"Or she's Rachel Berry by day and Cat-woman by night," Sam added.

"That's impossible," Brittany objected, "if Rachel was Cat-woman then I'd know about it. Lord Tubbington would have told me. Besides, it's obvious what's really going on."

"Please don't tell me you believe Finn's crazy alien theory?" Tina asked in concern.

"Of course not," Brittany scoffed as though the idea were ridiculous, "it's simple really. Rachel's stuck in Puck's body and Puck's trapped in Rachel's."

Puck and Rachel's eyes widened in shock and Quinn and Kurt looked to one another wondering how Brittany could possibly know. As for everyone else in the room, they looked at Brittany like she was insane, apart from Finn. After staring at Brittany with a dumb expression for several seconds, Finn looked round to stare between Puck and Rachel.

"Is… is that true?" Finn asked remembering how Puck had kissed him. He shuddered slightly at the memory but the situation certainly made more sense if it was really Rachel. And that would mean that he never hit her, he had only hit Puck.

"Don't be an idiot Finn, of course it's not true," Mercedes laughed.

"Yes it is," Rachel replied running a hand through her mohawk. "I'm Rachel."

"Puck, sit down," Mr. Schue ordered sounding unimpressed.

"She's telling the truth," Puck said, "she is Rachel. I'm Puck."

"Told you," Brittany said smugly.

"No way, this is ridiculous," Tina commented.

"It is ridiculous," Quinn agreed, "but they're telling the truth. I've known for a while now and so has Kurt."

"And Puck's little sister," Rachel added.

Most of the people in the room still looked highly confused and thoroughly disbelieving. However, Finn seemed to be slowly accepting the bizarre truth and Sam looked as though he was considering it to be a possibility.

"Ok, that's enough," Mr. Schue said clearly thinking the entire situation was ridiculous. "Get to class guys and Puck, Rachel, grow up."

"Asshole," Puck muttered on his way out and Mr. Schue looked highly affronted that such a word journeyed from Rachel's mouth.

XXX

"Hey Brittany," Rachel greeted the blonde by her locker just as school was finishing that day.

"Hey," Brittany replied carefully arranging some dead flowers in her locker.

"So I was wondering, as you have been aware of mine and Noah's current predicament, perhaps there was something you could do to resolve the situation?" Rachel asked.

"What do you mean?" Brittany replied beginning to skip down the corridor, Rachel jogging beside her, easily able to keep up with the use of Puck's long legs.

"I mean, do you know a way to get me and Noah back to our correct bodies?" Rachel asked desperately.

"Oh yeah, totally," Brittany answered, "I have Cheerio practice now. Have fun with Puck's penis."

"No, Brittany, wait," Rachel called after her but she was already gone.

"Um, is something wrong?" Finn asked a little nervously as he came up behind Rachel.

"I am trapped in the body of a teenage boy, of course there's something wrong," Rachel snapped at him.

"Whoa, sorry dude," Finn replied raising his hands in defence.

"Don't call me dude," Rachel berated him, "I'm still a girl despite my present anatomy."

"Right, sure," Finn nodded, "um, Rachel look I'm really sorry about… about everything."

"I don't want to hear it Finn," Rachel sighed storming away with Finn hurrying after her, "I have bigger problems right now."

"I can… maybe I can help," Finn suggested weakly.

"Really, do you know a way to reverse this freak show?" Rachel asked.

"Well… no," Finn admitted.

"Then you can't help me," Rachel told him, "Brittany might be able to help but she's skipped off to Cheerio practice before telling me what I needed to hear."

"Brittany knows how to get you back in the right body?" Finn asked hopefully.

"I don't know, maybe," Rachel shrugged, "but its Brittany being Brittany. Maybe she doesn't really know anything at all."

"She knew that you and Puck weren't really you," Finn pointed out. "Just hear her out, maybe she does know how to fix things."

"She told me that she knew how to reverse it," Rachel said, "but she left before telling me how so now I'm stuck like this for at least another day."

"Come on, it can't be that bad," Finn replied, "sure, it's really weird and kinda gross but it's not the end of the world."

"I'm a girl with a penis, Finn," Rachel shot back at him making sure to keep her voice down, "this is a nightmare."

"Relax, we'll talk to Brittany tomorrow and we'll figure this out." Finn said.

"Just leave me alone," Rachel huffed before storming off and heading back to her hopefully temporary home at the Puckermans.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	18. Agony and Bathroom Talk

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing everyone**

**This chapter took longer than I anticipated and I must apologise for it being painfully short**

**But anyway, here it is, hope you enjoy**

**Chapter 18 – Agony and Bathroom Talk**

It felt like his sides were splitting and somebody really vindictive was slipping salt and acid into the wounds before stitching him back up with a rusty needle oozing with some kind of irritable powder. A groan sounded from his mouth, turning into a growl part way through before ending as a pained grunt. He felt as though something was sawing away at his bones at an agonisingly slow pace then nailing them back together haphazardly in the wrong order. His muscles were burning, aching and stinging all at the same time while it felt like sharp and blunt needles alike were being pierced into his brain only to be removed and forced back in again.

"Ow fuck," Puck hissed in agony as he writhed around on the bed in an attempt to get comfortable.

Unable to find a position that didn't leave him feeling as though he was being tortured by invisible attackers, Puck forcibly dragged himself out of the bed and staggered to the bathroom in his nightdress. Flicking on the bathroom light, he screwed his eyes up as the glow assaulted his pupils causing his brain to ache some more. Slowly cracking his eyes back open, he examined himself in the mirror wondering if the pain was a result of morphing back into himself. He was very disheartened when he found Rachel's face staring back at him.

"Damn it," he mumbled with a wince as he leaned over the bathtub to turn on the faucet, hoping that a nice warm bath would relax his aching body.

While waiting for the tub to fill up, Puck returned to Rachel's bedroom, gritting his teeth as he did so. He found Rachel's cell phone, the one he had been using ever since he found himself trapped in her body, and managed to type out a text asking the girl if she was in pain too.

_A pain beyond agony_ was Rachel's reply a minute later.

_Wt da hell is gng on? _Puck asked in response.

_I am unable to provide an accurate answer. I can merely recommend that you prepare a luxurious bubble bath to soothe your aching muscles. _Rachel replied.

Puck groaned as another painful stabbing sensation ripped through him. Setting the cell phone down, he began to pad his way back to the bathroom when the phone started to ring. Hobbling back, he was momentarily blinded by Kurt's name flashing up at him. Without hesitation, Puck picked the phone up and answered it.

"Hey babe, what's going on?" Puck asked trying to disguise the pain in his voice with flirtation.

"I couldn't sleep," Kurt answered, "is it ok that I'm calling. I'm not disturbing you am I?"

"No, no, I can't sleep either," Puck assured him. "I'm glad you called,"

"Good," Kurt sighed in relief from the other end of the line as Puck carried on to the bathroom and turned the tap off. "You know it's strange, but sometimes when you talk to me on the phone you _almost _sound like yourself rather than like Rachel."

"Really?" Puck asked casting a hopeful glance to the mirror, once again disappointed when it was the far too familiar face of Rachel Berry staring back at him. "That's sorta cool I guess. Or just weird. So… what are you wearing?" He felt rather satisfied when he managed to mimic his trademark smirk with Rachel's lips.

"You can stop that train of thought right there, Noah," Kurt told him, "I am not having phone sex with you, especially when you're still in Rachel's body. The female form does little to inspire arousal in one Kurt Hummel."

"Ok, no phone sex," Puck agreed awkwardly shrugging out of his nightgown, still in pain though it wasn't as severe as it had been when it disturbed his sleep. "But dude, at least tell me what you're wearing. You gotta give me a little something."

"Fine," Kurt relented, "I'm wearing a pair of baggy grey boxers and a plaid button up shirt."

"Oh," Puck responded feeling disappointed with the not very sexual images the description created. "That sounds lame. Not in any way fashionable or fabulous. You should take it off," he grinned to himself as he stepped into the bath and carefully sank down into the warm water, making sure not to get the cell phone at all wet.

"I already told you, no phone sex," Kurt reminded him. "Besides, I was teasing. I couldn't possibly wear such a disastrous ensemble to bed. Truth be told, it is blue satin form-fitting pyjamas tonight."

"That sounds hot," Puck complimented, "I bet your gorgeous little body looks damn good in it."

"Please don't talk like that, the fact that it's still Rachel's voice sounding in my ear makes the situation highly disturbing," Kurt explained. "And of course I look good in it," he added. "I can make anything look good."

Things were peacefully silent for a few moments before Puck released a low groan.

"Noah?" Kurt asked. "Are you ok? Oh Gaga, please tell me you're not masturbating, I don't think I'll recover from such a disturbing piece of news."

"What? No, I'm just in a little bit of pain," Puck explained. "Rachel is too. I don't know what's happening. Everything just aches. Its way more painful than getting crushed by some huge dude in football."

"Maybe if its still hurting in the morning the two of you should visit a doctor, or the school nurse," Kurt suggested.

"Like that'll help," Puck retorted sarcastically. "I think us two hot Jews will just have to wait this pain shit out."

"I'm sorry you're in pain," Kurt told him gently. "I'm also sorry that you're in Rachel's body. And if I'm going to be honest, I guess I'm a little sorry for feeling happy that you're in Rachel's body."

"What?" Puck snapped down the phone unable to understand how Kurt, or indeed anyone, could feel happy about such a thing.

"Sorry, I just… I'm just grateful that this crazy body swap fiasco granted me the opportunity to get to know you better. The real you," Kurt explained.

"I guess," Puck agreed, "I'm glad we got to talk and stuff too. It's funny that you got to know me better when I was pretending to be Rachel. Maybe if you weren't totally homo for me you'd be super hetero for her," Puck teased.

"Not a chance," Kurt laughed, "even if I were attracted to girls I could never form a romantic relationship with Rachel. We're a pair of divas; we'd just end up murdering one another. Oh," Kurt said sympathetically hearing another pained moan from the other teen. "Is it really hurting that bad?"

"It's fucking agony," Puck admitted. "I feel like I could burst into tears at any second."

"Don't do that," Kurt advised, "Rachel's nose becomes repulsively blotchy when she cries and it takes a while to fade away."

"Thanks for the beauty tip," Puck replied. "Damn, I just really want my body back."

"Stay positive, it'll happen," Kurt said. "I'm sure of it. Rachel even told me earlier that Brittany might now a way to restore the two of you to your bodies."

"Great," Puck sighed, "all our hopes are currently resting on Brittany. I'm sure we'll be back to normal in no time."

"Hey, Brittany's a lot smarter than people realise," Kurt lectured. "She's just intelligent in different ways. I for one am confident that Brittany will have the answers we've been searching for."

"Yeah, maybe, whatever," Puck replied, "look, I really like talking to you, Kurt. But I'm in a lot of pain right now. We'll talk tomorrow and have lunch together maybe?"

"Of course, I'd like that," Kurt agreed. "Goodnight, Noah, feel better."

"Night, babe," Puck said back before ending the call and carefully setting the phone down on the bathroom floor.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	19. A Night in the Auditorium

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee**

**Thank you for reviewing**

**Lyrics in italics, song by Taylor Swift**

**Chapter 19 – A Night in the Auditorium**

Through the remainder of the night, Rachel continued to wriggle and writhe; her borrowed body still a slave to an unexplained intense pain. She couldn't help but whine and whimper and occasionally bit down on the pillow to mask the sound of her pained cries. Judging by Melanie quietly slipping into the room, Rachel wasn't able to drown out the agonised moans.

"Ssh," Mel cooed soothingly as she tiptoed over to the bed, expertly avoiding the creaking floorboard. "It'll be ok, I promise."

"Hurts," Rachel sobbed out from where she was curled in the foetal position.

"What hurts?" Mel asked gently kneeling on the edge of the mattress.

"Everything," Rachel groaned. "My entire body aches. Oh Melanie, I think I might be dying," she cried dramatically and Mel let out a small giggle.

"Noah always says that when he's ill," Mel explained. "Even if it's just a little cold or a tiny splinter he throws a huge drama over it thinking he's going to die."

"Really?" Rachel enquired through gritted teeth. "But Noah always acts so tough."

"He might act tough at school but at home he can be a big baby," Mel confided. "But I take pity on him and look after him when he's sick. He likes it when I stroke his hair."

Puck's little sister reached her hand out and gently petted Rachel's mohawk causing the girl trapped in a boy's body to release a small sigh of relief.

"That does feel nice," Rachel acknowledged, "so relaxing."

"It always helps Noah drift off to sleep," Mel said. "And when I'm sick he takes care of me. He'll play his guitar and sing. Did you know he's a secret Elvis Presley fan?"

"No, I didn't," Rachel admitted feeling too drowsy to be properly surprised by the news. "Mmm, I'm so tired, Mel."

"Sleep," Mel instructed still stroking her hair. "I'll look after you," she assured her scrambling under the covers with her.

"Oh Melanie, you're a sweet little angel," Rachel told her.

"That's what little sister's are for," Mel replied and Rachel smiled as she drifted into a much more peaceful sleep.

XXX

"Hey sweetie," Quinn greeted falling into step with Puck, "cute dress."

"You too," Puck complimented, "I love how it matches your shoes and your nail polish."

"Thanks, hey, are you ok?" Quinn asked. "You look exhausted."

"Rough night," Puck answered, "and not in an I stayed up all night having hot sex kind of way. I was up all night in so much pain I thought I was gonna die."

"What happened?" Quinn looped their arms together as they continued on to their lockers.

"Dunno," Puck shrugged. "I was just in agony. Rachel was too so it must be something to do with this boy-girl thing we've got going on."

"Maybe the two of you are starting to change back," Quinn suggested hopefully, "I've been praying extra hard for you."

"That's nice but we're Jewish and you're not so it probably makes things awkward for God," Puck replied.

"Whatever," Quinn shook her head dismissively at Puck's response, "the point is that this may be a good sign."

"Well it better be, I'm really getting sick of this chick stuff," Puck told her. "Do you know I actually have to shave my freaking legs now, it's a nightmare? And don't even get me started on the period shit. I'm telling you, I can't survive another one of those crimson waves."

"Nice," Quinn commented sarcastically.

"Anyway, Kurt said that Rachel told him that Brittany might know a way to fix this," Puck said. "Do you think she might?"

"Brittany?" Quinn repeated questionably. "I don't know. She isn't exactly known for being an A grade student. But to give her credit, she did know that you and Rachel weren't really you and Rachel. Maybe she does have an explanation and a remedy for this situation. This entire thing is just insane but it's really happening. I'm starting to wonder if all things ridiculous could actually be real. Maybe Jacob Ben-Israel's a robot, perhaps Coach Sylvester is an alien, Sam could be a superhero and maybe Tina really is a vampire. I honestly don't know what's realistic and what's impossible anymore."

"Noah, Quinn, good morning," Rachel greeted walking over to join them.

"Looks like you finally got to sleep ok," Puck said enviously.

"All because of Melanie," Rachel explained. "She stroked my hair and it completely relaxed me and helped me fall asleep. I may have to take advantage of her skills and have her service me on nights before official competitions."

"That sounds so wrong," Puck stated and Rachel frowned in puzzlement thinking over what she had just said. "C'mon Q, let's get to class," he said slinging an arm over her shoulder. "Were you always this tall?"

"No," Quinn replied moving Puck's arm, "you're just a lot shorter in Rachel's body."

XXX

As arranged the previous night, Puck and Kurt met up to spend lunch together. Unfortunately their attempt at a date was thwarted by Sam, Artie and Mercedes joining them, seemingly oblivious to their desire to be alone.

"Sorry," Kurt mouthed to Puck.

"Doesn't matter," Puck shrugged while stabbing at his food and glaring at the three intruders.

"Move over, Wheels," Santana ordered, Brittany following behind her carrying her, both carrying their lunch trays, "sexy cheerleaders coming through," she announced.

"I totally love spaghetti," Brittany commented as she attempted to twirl her lunch around a spoon rather than using a fork.

"Right, cool, whatever," Puck said, "so how do I get my sexy Puckzilla body back?"

"Well you can't just get it back," Brittany told him through a mouthful of spaghetti, "before you can do anything you have to _want _to get your body back. You both do."

"Hey, I _want _my body back," Puck insisted.

"Are you sure about that?" Brittany quizzed him. "Because I talked it over with Lord Tubbington last night and we remain unconvinced."

"What the hell? Why wouldn't I want my body back?" Puck asked.

"Well I wasn't too sure about that myself," Brittany confessed, "but Lord Tubbington had a good idea. Being in Rachel's body has given you the opportunity to know Kurt better. And while you're in her body you get to explore your feelings for him in a safe way because you don't have to face up to the truth about your sexuality. At the moment, you are a girl attracted to a boy. Maybe you're not quite ready to accept that you're gay yet and until you're ready to accept it you won't _really _want your body back because having your body back will force you to accept the truth before you're ready to accept it on your own."

"That kinda makes sense," Sam agreed.

"Hell, I still think you're all crazy," Mercedes muttered.

"What about Rachel?" Puck asked opting not to comment on what Brittany had said about him. "She must be going insane without her singing voice. Why would she want to stay in my body?"

"Being in your body has permitted Rachel to rediscover herself as an individual rather than being identified by her relationship with Finn," Brittany explained. "She's an only child, so being in your body has given her the chance to experience what its like to have a sibling. And until she's really confident in herself and makes a final decision on what she wants to happen between her and Finn she can't get her own body back. Not until she's done hiding in yours and truly ready to come back out."

"She's ready, I'm ready," Puck said adamantly, "Rachel totally broke it off with Finn and I'm ready for cock. My cock and Kurt's."

"Meet me in the auditorium at four," Brittany requested. "Use the rest of the day to make sure you and Rachel both really want your bodies back. Make sure you're really ready and at four o'clock I'll help you work this thing out."

XXX

"We have to _want _to have our bodies back?" Rachel repeated as she paced the length of the choir room after Puck and Kurt had relayed their discussion with Brittany to her and Quinn. "What in the name of Broadway does that even mean? Of course we want our bodies back. I'm ready; I'm ready to be Rachel Berry again. Why wait for four o'clock? Let's go to the auditorium now."

"Brittany won't even be there," Puck pointed out, "we'll go at four."

"Wait; are you both positive that you really do want your own bodies back?" Quinn asked.

"Of course we are," Puck insisted.

"Would you rather be a boy than a girl?" Rachel demanded to know.

"I just think you need to really consider what Brittany said," Quinn advised gently. "She could have a point. Maybe you aren't truly ready to be back to normal. Perhaps you do still need to come to terms with the fact that you're gay," she looked to Puck, "and that your relationship with Finn is over," she said to Rachel.

"I have accepted it," Puck and Rachel said simultaneously.

"Look, I'll prove it," Puck said and without warning he finally gave in to his desires and kissed Kurt.

"That looks really weird," Rachel whispered cocking her head to the side and watching her body kiss her best gay.

"Somehow not as disturbing as seeing you kiss Finn," Quinn commented.

As for Puck, he truly had died and gone to Jewish heaven. Not that Jews really had heaven, but Puck had somehow made it there and Kurt was his God, his angel, his star… his everything. He pulled him closer, desperate for more. He didn't just hunger for the taste of Kurt's kiss; he was absolutely ravenous for it. He needed it like his lungs needed oxygen, like the sea needed to lick the edge of the shore, like Coach Sylvester needed to yell at fat people and mock Mr. Schue's hair. He yearned for Kurt and without his touch, his taste and scent Puck would surely perish in the pits of a dark and lonely Kurt-less hell.

"I'm gay," Puck confessed breathlessly as their lips parted.

"Me too," Kurt said with an awkward laugh as he pushed a few strands of long dark hair behind Puck's ears. "Promise me that next time you kiss me you'll be all male."

"I'm not sure if I can resist that long," Puck told him with what would have been a shy boyish grin if the expression formed on his own features.

"Why didn't I just close my eyes when they started making-out?" Rachel asked herself.

"I thought it was kinda hot actually," Quinn admitted and Rachel looked rather horrified at the admission. "Well, I'd say Noah is definitely ready to have his own body back. I still think we need to work on you a little bit though, Rachel."

"I'm fine," Rachel insisted. "I want my body back, trust me."

"Are you sure?" Quinn asked. "Have you really and truly accepted that it's over between you and Finn?"

"Yes, I've accepted it," Rachel huffed.

"I could prove I'm gay some more," Puck offered, "blow-job?" He asked Kurt with a quirked eyebrow and a half smirk.

"Absolutely not," Rachel denied and Kurt politely declined the offer as well.

"Ok, Kurt, Noah, just carry on to your lessons," Quinn instructed, "Rachel, come with me. We are going to find Finn and have a discussion with him to truly finalise the end of your relationship."

"But I've told you, I'm ready to get my body back," Rachel complained.

"This is just to make sure," Quinn replied leading her away in search of the boy they had both been romantically attached to in the past.

XXX

They found Finn in the boys' locker room and dragged him outside under the bleachers. At first, Rachel and Finn refused to speak to one another and avoided eye-contact but Quinn encouraged them to talk things out. Soon enough all three teens were yelling at one another, Finn blaming Rachel for his failed relationship with Quinn, Rachel accusing Finn of not being entirely over Quinn, Quinn blaming Rachel for things not working with herself and Finn and also defending Rachel when Finn suggested she wasn't a good girlfriend. Eventually, when Finn looked ready to aim a kick at the bleachers or simply explode, Rachel burst into song.

"_I remember when we broke up the first time,_" Rachel sang, her borrowed Puckerman vocals sounding oddly close to her own despite her still being trapped in the male teen's body. "_Saying 'this is it, I've had enough', cause like, we hadn't seen each other in a month, when you said you, 'needed space'._"

"_What?_" Finn asked.

"_Then you come around again and say, baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change,_" Rachel continued to sing. "_Trust me; remember how that lasted for a day. I say, I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you. Ooooh, we called it off again last night, but ooooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you…_"

"_We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together,_" Rachel and Quinn sang together, both directing the lyrics solely on Finn. "_We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together. You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me, but we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together._"

"_Like ever,_" Quinn insisted with her hands on hips. "_I'm really gonna miss you picking fights, and me, falling for it saying that I'm right._"

"_And you,_" Rachel continued, "_will hide away and find your peace of mind with some indie record that's much cooler than mine._"

"_Ooooh, you called me up again last night,_" Rachel and Quinn sang together. "_But ooooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you, we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together. We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together. You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me, but we are never ever, ever, ever getting back together._"

Finishing their song, Rachel and Quinn both swept their eyes dismissively up and down Finn's form before turning on their heels and storming away.

XXX

At four o'clock, Puck and Rachel both sat waiting on the stage of the auditorium.

"Where is she?" Rachel asked.

"Just give it a few minutes," Puck said, "Brittany probably can't tell the time. Or she might have just forgotten. Or maybe she meant four in the morning."

A few minutes and Brittany failed to show up. Puck called her cell phone but received no answer so he sent a text asking where she was. An hour and a half later, Brittany replied stating that she meant four o'clock the next morning. The two Jewish teens simply groaned and ditched the stage. They made their way through the empty corridors only to discover they were locked inside the school building.

"C'mon, we'll just wait for her in the auditorium," Puck said.

"I can't believe my dads haven't called me to enquire as to my whereabouts," Rachel commented watching Puck throw her pink phone in the air and catch it in his hand.

"Maybe they're fucking," Puck suggested, the comment ensuring that Rachel would need to call her therapist as soon as possible.

Around nine o'clock, the agonising pain began to reintroduce itself to Puck and Rachel both. Cold, hungry and aching all over, the two teens simply curled up together, Puck stroking Rachel's mohawk. They fell asleep in one another's arms sometime around midnight. At four o'clock, they were still sleeping and Brittany was nowhere to be seen. A few minutes later, Brittany still hadn't appeared, not hat Puck or Rachel were awake to notice their absence.

By six o'clock when Rachel woke up, Brittany still hadn't arrived. With a disappointed sigh, she poked Puck awake and complained to him how Brittany had let them down.

"Don't worry about it, babe," Puck told her, "we'll get this sorted I promise."

Rachel complained some more and Puck yawned and stretched, not even bothering to listen to what she was saying. They left the auditorium together, Rachel still talking incessantly and Puck still feeling groggy with sleep. It wasn't until they were in the nearest girls' bathroom in separate cubicles that their tired minds registered the change.

"My penis!" Puck exclaimed.

**To Be Continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	20. Being Jewish Rules

**Disclaimer-and I still don't own Glee, damn you, RM**

**Thank you for reviewing everybody**

**Lyrics are in italics**

**Songs are 'This is me', 'devil in disguise' by Elvis Presley and 'only girl in the world' by Rhianna**

**Chapter 20-Being Jewish Rules**

"Wow, this is the most amazing thing ever!" Rachel cried happily as she launched herself at Puck, jumping into his arms and locking her legs around his waist. "I'm me again. I can sing and I can dance and I can finally go home and sleep in my own bed. What were all those stains on your mattress?"

"Trust me, babe, you don't wanna know," Puck replied. "And who the hell cares? Puckersaurus is back in action, that's all that matters."

"Wait, what?" Rachel asked slipping back down so her feet were on the ground. "You've got your body back so now you're going to head out and fool around with anyone available? You're not even in a proper relationship with Kurt yet and already you're planning to cheat on him? That's disgraceful, Noah."

"Huh? Who said anything about me fooling around?" Puck frowned in puzzlement.

"You did, you said 'Puckersaurus is back in action'," Rachel told him doing such a good impression of him she had to turn to the mirror to check she was still in her own body.

"Babe, I just meant that I'm back," Puck explained. "I'm me again. And I'm not planning on fooling around. Chicks totally don't do it for me anymore. It's all about Kurt now. I'm serious about him, I wanna make it work."

"Oh, well… good," Rachel smiled. "Now, we need to get home, shower and change and then have something healthy for breakfast. Then we will come to school and let everybody know the good news before jumping into some much needed rehearsal time. At last I can sing again. Rest assured, Noah, my vocals will help is win that shiny gold trophy."

"Cool," Puck muttered leading the way out of the school, not entirely sure why the doors were unlocked since they had been locked the night before when he and Rachel had tried to leave.

"You know, I kind of feel like my breasts are bigger," Rachel commented in a whisper as they walked through the parking lot. "Do they look bigger to you?"

"I dunno, let me feel," Puck said reaching his hands out to her chest only for Rachel to bat his hands away. "I'm not trying to cop a feel; this is purely for scientific purposes."

"When's the last time you even attended a science class?" Rachel asked.

"Fifth grade I think," Puck answered with a shrug as he gently cupped Rachel's breasts. "Nah, I think they're the same size. Just a little perkier. Damn, I can't wait to see Kurt."

"I'm eager to see my dads," Rachel replied. "And I'm excited for Glee Club so I can perform a stunning solo number. I already have a few ideas for a song."

"Where should I take Kurt for an official first date?" Puck asked. "Dinner? A movie? Hey, you think he'd like to go paintballing?"

"Dinner and a movie is far too predictable," Rachel told him. "And I forbid you to take my best gay anywhere near an activity involving guns and balls of paint that give you bruises. However, I happen to know that they're performing Chicago at the theatre in Westerville. Initially I had planned to audition myself but I thought being trapped in a teenage boy's body would prevent me from getting the female lead."

"I don't think I wanna watch a musical at the theatre," Puck said. "I'd get so bored I'd have to set something on fire."

"Very well," Rachel sighed. "Perhaps you could host a romantic late night picnic and seductively pluck your guitar strings as you serenade Kurt with an Elvis Presley number. Melanie mentioned you were a fan."

"Tell no-one," Puck hissed, "I have a badass reputation to protect."

"Actually I'm sorry to say I probably destroyed that for you while in your body," Rachel apologised.

"Forget about it," Puck said dismissively. "I'm just glad we're both back in our own smoking hot bodies. And now I'm gonna eat me a stack load of waffles."

"I'm going to prepare myself a delicious mixed fruit smoothy," Rachel decided.

"Have fun with that," Puck replied thoroughly repulsed by the idea.

XXX

Arriving home, Rachel carefully snuck her way into the house and up to her bedroom. She let out a long sigh before happily spinning around then throwing herself onto the bed, more than happy to be back where she belonged. She cuddled each of her teddy bears individually, whispering to them all that she had missed them and reminding them that they were deeply loved.

Moving on to the bathroom, Rachel took a shower, pleasantly surprised to find that Puck had continued to shave her legs for her. She relaxed under warm spray, throwing her head back and letting the water droplets gently splash over her skin.

Singing to herself, she worked shampoo and conditioner into her hair, her entire body feeling brilliantly new.

Once dry, she picked out a cute mini-skirt to wear with a sensible sweater. Practically glowing with happiness, she headed downstairs and caught her two dads in a tight hug, pressing numerous kisses to their cheeks.

"You're in a good mood," Leroy observed.

"Yes," Rachel agreed, "today is truly a wonderful day. _Oh, this is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be,_" she sang as she danced around making her breakfast.

"Period," Leroy and Hiram said together with a roll of their eyes.

XXX

Climbing into his bedroom window at home, Puck punched the air in celebration before diving onto his bed then pretending to play guitar on one of his pillows.

Snatching up his real guitar, Puck bounded into his sister's bedroom strumming at the strings and rousing her from her sleep as he sang.

"_You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise,_" Puck jumped onto Mel's bed where the younger girl rolled onto her back staring up at him through bleary eyes. "_You're the devil in disguise, oh yes you are, devil in disguise, mmmmm. I thought I was in heaven, but I was sure surprised, heaven help me I didn't see, the devil in your eyes._"

"Welcome back, Noah," Mel mumbled pulling the covers back over her head.

"Missed you Smelly Melly," Puck said affectionately.

"Missed you too," Mel replied quietly as she snuggled down for more sleep.

XXX

"Do you think it worked?" Brittany asked petting Lord Tubbington's furry head. The tubby cat purred in response. "That's awesome," Brittany commented tapping her hand to Lord Tubbington's paw in lieu of a high-five. "But I'm still really disappointed in you for eating all the Pixie Stix. I think you need to accept that you have an addiction."

Lord Tubbington meowed in reply.

XXX

Arriving at his locker, Kurt carefully placed his books inside and added some extra spray to his hair. Satisfied with his appearance, he walked on to the choir room where he heard an all too familiar voice singing.

"_Want you to make me feel, like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that you'll ever love, like I'm the only one who knows your heart, only girl in the world,_" Rachel sang.

"Very impressive," Kurt complimented. "Even Rachel wouldn't be able to fault you for how you're using her vocals. You didn't do too well on dressing yourself today though. But never fear, I promise to tutor you in fashion after school. If you are going to be trapped in Rachel's body you may as well look as fabulous as possible in it."

"Um, Kurt," Rachel said. "It's me."

"What?" Kurt asked cocking his head to the side.

"I'm back," Rachel said simply. "The one and only Miss Rachel Berry has returned to her rightful body. And what's wrong with my outfit?"

"Everything is wrong with that outfit," Kurt told her, "but it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're back. Oh I have missed you," he said hugging her tightly.

"Have you seen Noah yet?" Rachel asked him.

"No," Kurt answered. "And now I know he's back in his body I'm suddenly incredibly nervous about seeing him."

"Don't worry, it'll be great," Rachel assured him. "You'll see each other, say hello, and then you'll kiss while the sunlight streams in through a nearby window. It'll be magical, just like in the movies."

"What if I'm not a good kisser?" Kurt asked worriedly.

"Impossible, you're an amazing kisser," Rachel insisted. "Brittany even said so and her lips are very experienced so her opinion is high praise indeed. Now go find Noah and have hot gay kisses," she encouraged.

XXX

Spying Kurt down the other end of the corridor, Puck ran straight for him, locking his arms tight around him then pinning him against the wall. Kurt barely had time to release a startled squeak before Puck slammed their mouths together desperately.

"Now that's Noah Puckerman," Quinn stated with an amused smile.

**XXX**

**The Official End**

**But a prologue will follow**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	21. Epilogue Part 1

**Disclaimer-I do not own Glee**

**Thanks for reviewing**

**And just to be annoying the EPILOGUE (not prologue) will be in two parts**

**So, here is part one, enjoy**

**Epilogue Part 1**

_**One Hour Later**_

"We should… mmm, oh gaga, that feels good," Kurt panted as Puck nibbled on his earlobe. "We should… oh Noah," he groaned gripping the Jewish teens biceps. "We should… we should get to class."

"Mmm, later," Puck grunted squeezing Kurt's buttocks in his guitar player hands as he pressed him up against the wall of the Janitor's closet. "Damn, it feels so good to finally be able to do this." He didn't admit it out loud due to embarrassment, but making-out with Kurt felt so good that Puck had actually came in his pants without his penis even being touched.

"I must say that kissing you in your own delightful body is far more satisfying than when you were in Rachel's," Kurt gasped breathlessly.

"Good to know," Puck replied diving in for more kisses, a moan of pleasure echoing around the closet. Truthfully, the moan came from Puck, but he would later insist that the sound was made by Kurt.

As Kurt clutched at Puck's top with one hand and gripped Puck's mohawk with the other, Puck allowed his hands to roam all across Kurt's back as their tongues explored one another's mouths. Ordinarily, the excess amount of saliva passing between them and dripping down their chins would have been disgusting, but the two were simply too lost in their make-out session to notice.

Numerous groans, pants, nips and kisses later, the door of the closet was wrenched open, the light from the corridor assaulting the two teenagers' eyes as they pulled apart. After wiping away the dribbled saliva from both his and Kurt's mouth, Puck turned to find that they had been interrupted by Sue Sylvester.

"Porcelain, Mr. T," Sue acknowledged. "It's time to step out of the closet. No pun intended. Though in truth I suspect sweet Porcelain here was never truly in the closet in the first place."

Together, Kurt and Puck stepped out and Sue slipped between them, draping one arm over each of the boys' shoulders. She guided them through the corridors telling them how she used to participate in hot make-out sessions with every band member of New Kids on the Block. She also boastingly revealed some of her plans to destroy Will Spaghetti Hair Schuester and cripple the Glee Club.

"And I am not being rude about Artie's condition," Sue insisted. "As you know I grew up with a handicapped sister and I have a strong bond with Miss Becky Jackson which means I can say anything I want without it being mean or discriminative. Now carry on to the choir room and get to work on ruining yet another classic Broadway number or current pop hit."

"But I have math class," Kurt pointed out.

"Oh that's never going to be important," Sue said dismissively. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go yell at some fatties and charitably hand out balaclavas to ugly people."

"Wanna make out some more?" Puck asked hopefully.

"Of course," Kurt replied eagerly taking Puck's hand as they headed to the empty choir room.

_**One Week Later**_

As it so happened, Puck and Kurt's first official date with Puck being in the correct body turned out to be a complete disaster. Not wanting to watch a theatre production, Puck had gone against the advice Rachel had given him. He did receive suggestions from Quinn, Mercedes and even Finn but Puck had ignored their ideas too.

Instead, Puck decided to take Kurt dirt biking. For the date, Kurt had opted to dress head to toe in white. Upon learning what Puck had in store for their evening, Kurt had refused to participate as he did not wish to damage his clothes. Irritated, Puck had tried to argue reasons why they should go dirt biking. As it turned out, he could not win in an argument against Kurt Hummel.

In an attempt to salvage the night, Puck suggested they just go to dinner together. Initially, Kurt agreed, but when it came to choosing a restaurant the boys couldn't come to a decision. Kurt wanted somewhere fabulous with fancy food and expensive prices. Puck wanted somewhere simple that served pizza or burgers.

Unable to come to a mutual decision Kurt had lost his temper and insisted that Puck take him home. Not wanting their relationship to be over before it had truly begun, Puck made a last ditch effort to save the night and invited Kurt back to his home so that he could cook for him.

The idea made Kurt smile and he relaxed thinking that it would be romantic. On the drive to his house Puck was immensely proud of himself. It was only when he strode into his kitchen that he realised he had a big problem. He couldn't cook.

Still, for Kurt's sake, Puck gave it a try. He decided that fish was the fanciest food item in the freezer so he stuck a few pieces in the oven. Joining Kurt in the living-room, the two sat talking for a while until a strange smell hit Puck's nostrils and he rushed to the oven only to discover he had burnt the fish.

Taking pity on him, Kurt had entered the kitchen offering to help him cook. Finding ingredients, Kurt set to work slicing and chopping things while calling out instructions to Puck. As it turned out, they didn't work too well together in the environment of the kitchen. They were soon arguing and Puck was complaining that he didn't even like onions when Kurt lost his temper and threw the contents of a tin of tomatoes at Puck.

Shocked, Puck stared down at his sodden red shirt before throwing a handful of sliced onion pieces at Kurt's head. Despite the fact they weren't using flour, eggs or coleslaw, both teenagers ended up covered in the food.

"This outfit is from Marc Jacobs' new collection and you've ruined it!" Kurt hollered.

"You started it!" Puck retorted childishly.

"Look at this," Kurt ranted gesturing down at himself, "I'm a mess."

"Let me help you with that," Puck said with mock sincerity as he filled a glass with water and poured it over Kurt's head. "Better?"

"I hate you," Kurt snapped storming towards the front door. "The date is over, Puckerman."

"Well good, you look ridiculous and you wouldn't have put out for me anyway," Puck retorted sulkily as he slammed the door behind Kurt regretting everything that had happened that night.

XXX

_Babe, I'm sorry xx_ Puck texted to Kurt later that night.

_Me too _Kurt replied. _Can we try again?_

_Yeah, totally _Puck responded.

_Great, I'll organise it this time _Kurt answered.

XXX

Their second date, organised by one Kurt Hummel involved watching a theatre performance that Puck actually really loved followed by a simple meal at Breadsticks before sharing a few drinks at the new Karaoke Bar owned by April Rhodes' younger twin sisters May and June.

Unable to resist the temptation, Kurt of course took to the stage to sing. He performed a Broadway number Puck had never heard of before with May and June singing as back up. Applauding his boyfriend along with everyone else, Puck decided that he would perform.

"Hey, I'm Noah Puckerman," Puck introduced himself as he stood at the microphone. "And this is for my boy, Kurt. _Freak me baby,_" Puck sang breathily.

"Oh kill me," Kurt commented quietly feeling a little embarrassed.

"_Let me lick you up and down till you say stop,_" Puck sang practically eye-fucking Kurt from his position on the stage. "_Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot. Let me do all the things you want me to do. 'Cause tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you. Baby, don't you understand I wanna be your nasty man?_"

Kurt watched the performance looking through his fingers and failing to fight off an onslaught of giggles.

"C'mon, admit it, that was totally hot," Puck grinned wickedly as he rejoined Kurt at their table. "I should definitely perform it in Glee Club."

"You will not," Kurt insisted. "Mr. Schuester would have a heart attack."

"Want another drink?" Puck asked.

"No, thank you," Kurt answered placing his hand on top of Puck's on the table. "I've scheduled for us to leave right about now and return to my fabulous vehicle for a make-out session."

"Cool," Puck replied eagerly following Kurt's lead out of the cramped Karaoke Bar.

They carefully climbed into the backseat of Kurt's car and their mouths immediately found one another. Puck became more turned on with every kiss and he was desperate to take things further with Kurt but he wasn't sure how Kurt would react. Taking a chance, Puck lightly pushed Kurt down so he was spread on his back. Holding himself above him, Puck continued to exchange kisses while he tried to slip a hand under Kurt's shirt but there were far too many layers.

"Noah," Kurt panted arching his neck, his eyes closed, apparently unaware that Puck wanted to take things a little further.

"Kurt, baby, can we… I mean, I need…" Puck managed to get out as he dared to palm Kurt through the material of his trousers, the action making the other boy sit bolt upright.

"Stop," Kurt choked out and Puck respectfully pulled his hand away. "I can't. Not… not out here like this."

"Wanna come back to mine?" Puck asked and Kurt bit down nervously on his lower lip. "My mama's working the night shift and Mel's at Rachel's. Since the body swap thing Rachel's kind of adopted her."

"Ok," Kurt mumbled.

"Ok?" Puck asked to clarify.

"Ok," Kurt repeated in a louder tone with a little more confidence. "I'll come to your house and we can… continue. But I'm not… I'm not ready for… everything."

"I get it, that's cool," Puck assured him stroking his cheek. "I'm not even sure if I'm ready for everything either. This is sorta new to me too."

"So we'll take it slow," Kurt said.

"Not too slow though right?" Puck asked.

"Not too slow," Kurt agreed before they moved into the front seats of the car to drive to Puck's.

Not yet ready to venture upstairs into Puck's bedroom where temptation would be even harder to resist, Kurt suggested that they stick to the living-room. Curled up together on the couch, they picked up where they left off, lips brushing together and tongues battling for dominance that was usually won by Kurt.

"Fuck, you're so hot," Puck breathed managing to get Kurt out of his shirt and sweater.

Kurt blushed a little at his boyfriends words, finding the compliment a little uncomfortable even though it was supposed to be flattering.

Kissing Puck, Kurt helped the mohawked teen out of his shirt so that he could roam his hands over Puck's muscles. He then reversed their positions so that Puck was lying on the sofa and he was spread on top of him. Kurt dropped a smattering of kisses across Puck's chest and soon learned that Puck loved attention being paid to his nipples.

They continued to make-out, their lower bodies rutting against each other. Although a part of Kurt was yearning to remove his trousers and take things further, he knew in his heart that he didn't want to lose his virginity on a living-room sofa. He also knew that he wasn't truly ready to take that step just yet. But a little dry-humping never hurt anybody.

As they both released in their pants, lips still clinging together as they breathed shallowly, Kurt wondered how sex could possibly be more amazing than the feeling he was experiencing right at that moment.

"I should probably get home," Kurt said regretfully pushing himself up and helping Puck into a sitting position. "If I stay any longer I know that I'll be even more tempted."

"Yeah, you should go," Puck agreed stealing a quick little kiss. "I definitely don't wanna screw this up by going too fast."

XXX

That same weekend, Puck introduced Kurt to his mother, little sister and his nana.

Finn obviously knew Puck already and was fully aware of his step-brother's new relationship with his ex best-friend. Carole suspected that Kurt was dating but didn't question him about it. Burt was happily oblivious to his son's blooming love life.

**To be continued**

**Please Review**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


	22. Epilogue Part 2

**Disclaimer-I don't own Glee, and if I did, I would find a way to make PucKurt happen (sorry Klaine fans)**

**Thank you for reviewing and for being patient**

**Here is the final part… FINALLY**

**I actually finished it on Sunday but forgot to upload it *facepalm***

**Hope you enjoy**

**Epilogue Part 2**

_**One Month Later**_

"Dude, this is freaking terrifying," Puck confessed in a panicked voice.

"Relax man, it'll be ok," Finn told him bracingly with a playful punch to the Jewish boy's shoulder. "You're Noah Puckerman, you can do anything. You can climb the tallest trees, jump off the highest diving boards. When the bus broke down on the way to the Glee competition you totally saved the day when you got out and pushed."

"Actually Kurt saved the day by fixing the engine," Puck pointed out.

"Whatever, you still helped," Finn insisted. "And then you totally helped us win when you and Kurt performed that duet. Trust me, you can do this."

"I don't know, this is even scarier than a period," Puck said.

"I got your back man," Finn assured him with a final clap to his friends back before leading him up the driveway. "Now, when you meet him, he'll be polishing his shot gun but don't let that freak you out."

"Shot gun?" Puck repeated in a high-pitched voice that could rival Kurt.

"It isn't real," Finn confided, "and come on, you knew this day had to come eventually."

XXX

"I really care about this guy, dad," Kurt said watching as Burt carefully cleaned the barrel of his gun.

"Uh-huh," Burt nodded, his eyes fixed on the gun in his hands.

"He means a lot to me," Kurt continued. "Now that I'm with him I can't imagine life without him. I really think he's the one. The man I'll spend the rest of my life with."

"Uh-huh," Burt repeated.

"Don't decide that you hate him already," Kurt pleaded. "Just give him a chance. And be nice, put that stupid gun away. This relationship means a lot to me. I'd be really grateful if you could be supportive. After you Noah is the most important man in my life, I really want the two of you to get along. Dad, I haven't brought Noah here to see if you approve. I'll continue to date him whether you approve of him or not. But it'll break my heart if you say you don't like him. So please, just try to like him… for me."

"Uh-huh," Burt grunted aiming the gun at an imaginary person.

Letting out an anxious sigh, Kurt turned to Carole who simply offered him a comforting smile.

"Just relax, sweetie, it'll be ok," Carole told him.

"Are you sure I look ok?" Kurt asked smoothing down his knee-length sweater self-consciously.

"You look perfect, as always," Carole answered him just as the doorbell rang. "And it looks like Finn forgot his keys again," she sighed moving to answer the door but Kurt rushed in front of her to let his boyfriend in.

"For a little while I thought you might not show," Kurt admitted as he wrapped his arms tight around Puck's waist.

"I did consider leaving the country," Puck said sheepishly, "but there's no way I could ever leave you. You look incredible by the way."

"Thank you," Kurt smiled stealing a quick kiss from his boyfriend's lips while he still had the chance. "Just be yourself, he's gonna love you."

Burt didn't love Puck. He didn't even like Puck. Now hate was an incredibly strong word, but Burt Hummel thought it was an accurate one for how he felt towards the boy dating his kid. He really did make an effort to get on with the silly-haired boyfriend but they just couldn't find any common ground. They both liked sports but supported different teams. They had different tastes in movies and music and the punk kid was saying just about everything wrong and seemed incapable of letting go of his little boy's hand.

He even had the nerve to send lustful bedroom eyes at his baby boy and taint his innocent lips with kisses. Every time it happened Burt's hands curled into fists and he had to count to ten in his head and take deep breaths so he didn't murder the boyfriend.

It had been Carole who had broken the news to Burt that Kurt had a boyfriend who would be joining them for dinner. After the shock had worn off, Burt had comforted himself just a little by imagining a short, scrawny freckle-faced kid with no sex appeal. He tried to convince himself that Kurt's boyfriend would be an innocent little pixie who simply wanted somebody to hold hands with. Yet in the back of his mind, the fear of Kurt bringing home a sexually experienced boyfriend made itself known, hence the shot gun.

Upon meeting the Puckerman kid, Burt's worst fears had been confirmed. The punk had perfect muscles, a bad-boy attitude, a smouldering smirk and just a look in his eye and a few choice words was enough to make both Kurt and Carole blush.

No, Burt really didn't like the kid at all. There was no way that Puckerman was a virgin and with Kurt dating him, Burt knew his boy wouldn't be a virgin for much longer.

Carole seemed to enjoy the evening and was clearly charmed by Puck's company. Finn was just enjoying the food and while Puck initially seemed nervous he soon looked completely at ease with Kurt and Carole gushing over him. Then there was all the touching and meaningful looks and shared secret smiles that were driving Burt insane. For as long as he could remember, Kurt had always been demure and more than a little shy when it came to anything sexual. Now he was seated at the family table sharing significant looks with his punk-ass boyfriend as he ate his sausages in a far too seductive manner. That was clearly a practiced skill and Burt's cheeks burned in embarrassment at the idea of his baby boy performing oral sex on Lima's number one bad boy.

"So… did you like him dad?" Kurt asked eagerly after Puck had gone home.

He perched beside Burt on the coach as he awaited his answer, batting his eyelashes as he smiled up at him adoringly looking just like the four-year-old boy he once was begging for a Maria Von-Trapp wig. But Burt knew better than anyone just how different the current Kurt was to the four-year-old boy he had once been. He knew without asking that the seemingly innocent face looking up at him wasn't completely innocent. He didn't know how far Kurt had gone with his boyfriend, and he damn well didn't want to know either, but he knew his little boy was no longer completely untouched.

A lot of people would label Kurt as 'girly'. It was just something Kurt would have to deal with all his life. But in spite of his love for fashion and all his other quirks and oddities that narrow-minded people didn't understand, Burt knew that Kurt was a proper boy through and through. As best as he could, Burt had guided Kurt into manhood and he was deeply proud of the person his son had turned out to be. But now his little man had a boyfriend who was no doubt guiding him down a special road to a different kind of manhood. And the further Kurt journeyed down that road, the more Burt would lose him. So yes, he really hated that Puckerman kid for being the one to take his brave soldier away from him.

"Dad?" Kurt prompted his face starting to fall just a little over Burt's delayed answer.

"Yeah Kurt, I like the kid," Burt lied and his dishonesty was rewarded with a relieved smile and a hug of gratitude.

_**One Day Later**_

"Great, it's raining," Kurt complained as he walked beside Puck down the street.

"No shit, Sherlock," Puck retorted and Kurt just glared at him playfully.

They carried on walking and as they rounded the corner Kurt spied a group of teenage boys around their age playing soccer in the rain. Self-consciously Kurt lowered his eyes to the ground and widened the gap between himself and Puck, trying to create a safe impression of friends rather than boyfriends.

Unaware of Kurt moving ever so slightly away from him and not even paying thought to the soccer boys, Puck casually slipped his hand into Kurt's, missing the look of happy surprise on his boyfriend's face.

"And that's why Mario totally wants to screw Luigi," Puck concluded. "Princess Peach is just a beard. I totally got it figured it out."

"Of course," Kurt replied clutching Puck's hand tighter and holding his head proudly as they walked by the soccer boys.

_**One Week Later**_

"Wait," Puck interrupted as Kurt's hands moved towards his belt. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm sure," Kurt confirmed unbuckling Puck's belt and popping the button of his jeans. "I want to. I've wanted to for a long time."

"Ok," Puck said quietly feeling almost numb as he watched Kurt unzip his jeans and drag them down his shaven legs.

"You shaved?" Kurt asked with a quirked eyebrow as he made the surprising discovery.

"I lost a bet with Sam and Artie," Puck told him with a touch of embarrassment. "Anyway, who cares if I have shaved legs? I'm still a man. This is just a hot porn star look. I'm still Puckersaurus," he said with a pout.

"I think it's sexy," Kurt told him reassuringly running a hand up Puck's smooth leg before standing to strip off his own trousers to reveal his long legs that were covered in fine hairs.

Straddling Puck, Kurt leaned down to kiss his boyfriend and deliberately rolled his hips down to grind their erections together.

"Did you get the lube?" Kurt asked.

"Top drawer," Puck told him and Kurt stretched over to pull out the bottle along with a condom. "Wait," he interrupted in a slightly panicked voice as Kurt made to remove their underwear.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"I, um… Kurt I really wanna do this and I love you," Puck explained. "Honestly, babe, I really fucking love you but… and I think I'm probably turning into a girl again as I say this but… I'm not sure if _I'm _ready."

"You have to be kidding me," Kurt said flippantly and Puck dropped his gaze, a sigh escaping his lips as his cheeks tinged with embarrassment. "You're… you're serious," Kurt realised moving off of Puck's lap. "Oh Noah, I'm sorry. I just… I just assumed you'd be ok with this. I thought we were both just waiting for me to be ready. I honestly had no idea it would be as a big a deal to you."

"Of course you're a big deal to me," Puck pointed out running a hand through his mohawk and pulling his jeans back on, Kurt copying his example. "Look, I know I've fucked around before and I swear I want to be with you but… I'm just not ready. I don't even know why."

"It's ok, Noah, I understand," Kurt told him. "I'm just sorry I didn't stop to even consider how you'd feel about this."

"We can still make-out right?" Puck asked.

"Absolutely," Kurt assured him diving in to practically eat his boyfriend's face.

_**One Hour Later**_

"Mmm," Puck moaned clutching Kurt close as they continued to kiss and grind against one another. "Ok, weird freak out is over. Puckzilla is ready for action, baby."

"You're sure?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah," Puck replied glancing down to the erection standing proudly in his pants. "We're sure."

Kurt slipped Puck another kiss before their clothes were rapidly removed and they picked up where they had left off.

"Uh, that's cold," Kurt squeaked in surprise from his kneeled position as Puck's lubed fingers played at his entrance.

"Sorry, babe," Puck apologised with a note of amusement to his voice. "Um, is this ok?" He asked a little nervously as he carefully began to probe Kurt's hole with a single digit.

"Just go slow," Kurt instructed as he rested his forehead on the pillow and reached a hand down to give his penis some attention in order to distract himself from the discomfort of being breached and stretched.

"You good?" Puck checked some time later when he had two fingers slipping in and out of Kurt at an increasingly fast pace.

"Ye-yeah," Kurt panted out struggling to find the energy to push himself up onto all fours. "My knees are aching," he managed to breathe out.

"Turn over," Puck told him and Kurt twisted so that he was on his back with his legs spread. "Think you're stretched enough?" Puck asked.

"I hope so," Kurt replied not sure he could wait any longer.

Snatching up the condom, Puck tried to open it but failed spectacularly. He passed it over to Kurt who easily opened the packet and rolled the condom onto Puck's cock.

"I love you," Puck said dropping his head down for a kiss as he guided his dick to Kurt's awaiting hole.

"I love you too," Kurt replied with a soft smile as he stroked Puck's hair.

Burying his face into the crook of Kurt's neck, Puck slowly pushed his way inside, Kurt gripping his biceps tightly the entire time. Once Puck was fully inside, they both took a steadying breath before Puck got to work on a slow face. Then after an embarrassingly short amount of time Puck erupted and collapsed on top of Kurt.

"So that's the Puckzilla treatment, huh?" Kurt asked teasingly.

"Shut up, it's been a while," Puck responded defensively as he pulled out and disposed of the condom. "We're going again," he insisted. "My reputation is on the line here."

"Rock my world, Noah," Kurt challenged.

After sharing a few kisses, Puck scooted up the bed so he was straddling Kurt's face. He received a blow-job from his boyfriend that soon had Puck's beloved penis standing proudly to attention again. Moving back down the bed, Puck handed a second condom for Kurt to open and then rolled it down his cock before sheathing himself inside of Kurt for the second time.

"Fast or slow?" Puck asked.

"Slow," Kurt requested coiling his arms around Puck's neck.

As decided by Kurt, Puck begun with a slow steady pace. Soon enough, Kurt grew impatient and wanted more.

"Faster," Kurt ordered and Puck obeyed, rocking in and out of Kurt's tight lithe body. "Ah, oh, oh fuck!" Kurt swore, the obscenity falling from Kurt's mouth turning Puck on even more. "Fuck, faster Noah… har-harder."

Breathing heavily, Puck thrusted his hips hard and fast, beads of sweat already beginning to form on his body while Kurt moaned and grunted below him; his usually high voice a lot deeper while in the throws of passion.

"Gah, Noah!" Kurt groaned.

"Fuck Kurt, you're so amazing, babe," Puck cried out as the bedsprings squeaked along with their frantic movement.

"I… I… I'm close," Kurt called out and Puck crashed their mouths together clumsily as he tugged on Kurt's leaking dick.

"Holy shit," Puck swore as his second orgasm of the night ripped through him a minute or so after bringing Kurt full satisfaction. "Love you so much," he whispered huskily kissing his boyfriend.

"Wow," Kurt breathed making Puck smirk before he pulled out of him so they could curl up together side by side.

**The End**

**Please review**

**Random information, I did try to write a 'ten years later' featuring married life part but it just came out really cheesy and super lame : /**

**Thank you for reading**

**Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx**


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